Posted on 11/26/2006 10:21:45 AM PST by wagglebee
The night Clare Gibbons lost her virginity was unforgettable. Not because it was special or romantic or even exciting - but precisely because it was anything but.
At the tender age of 14, she and a friend went to an older boy's house for the evening. Both girls agreed to camp in the garden overnight with the 19-year-old and his friend.
'We all thought it would be fun,' she recalls. Then the drinking began and before she knew it, Clare was lying beneath the canvas having sex with a man she barely knew. It was a sickening experience which will be etched on her memory for ever.
'I can remember what happened,' says Clare, now a 17-year-old media studies student. 'But I was in such a tipsy daze I was powerless to stop it. The next morning, I could barely look at him. I felt absolutely sick, and so used and dirty.'
Tabatha Payne suffered a depressingly similar experience. She was 15 when she met her 'first proper boyfriend' - a 20-year-old man. 'I felt the grown-up thing to do would be to have sex,' she says. 'He kept telling me he loved me and everyone was doing it. It was a spur of the moment thing at his house. But it wasn't a good experience, certainly not the intimate and pleasurable experience I'd imagined sex would be. It was just a bit painful and disappointing.'
Stories such as these might send shivers down the spine of any parent with a teenage daughter. But the experiences of girls such as Clare and Tabatha are becoming increasingly common - so much so that this week a top police officer argued that men who have sex with girls aged 13 to 15 should not necessarily be classed as paedophiles.
Terry Grange, chief constable of Dyfed-Powys Police, said: 'I think the closer they get to 16, the more it becomes a "grey area" and I think everyone in the field of dealing with sexual health and sexual activity acknowledges that.'
Grey area or not, the statistics seem to bear out in black and white the alarming trend for girls having sex at a younger age. A survey last week revealed that a third of females are having sex before the legal age of consent - double the figure for boys in this country.
Alarmingly, in a country where the alcoholic consumption of 14-year-old girls outstrips boys, one in ten said they had sex because they were drunk, and a similar number said they felt pres-surised to lose their virginity.
Only half of the 1,700 girls surveyed by YouGov said they lost their virginity because they were in love. At the same time, levels of sexually transmitted diseases are soaring among the young.
In the past decade, levels of chlamydia, which can cause infertility, have risen by 238 per cent among women. Girls aged 15 and under were responsible for 1,000 of 90,000 new cases last year. And yet despite spending millions of pounds on sex education and free contraceptives, experts say the Government is failing to tackle the spiralling problem of under-age sex - and the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe.
All in all, such statistics paint a bleak picture of a generation of girls who have grown up too soon in a culture of increased sexualisation of children.
In the past, under-age sex among girls was often regarded as a class issue. But the stories of intelligent, educated girls such as Clare and Tabatha are a stark reminder of an experience which is becoming alarmingly common among the nation's middle-class daughters.
Clare, whose father is a telecoms manager and whose mother is a housewife, was raised in middle-class respectability in Orpington, Kent, and is studying for A-levels. And yet she found herself swept up in Britain's hard-drinking, sex-obsessed 'ladette' culture.
After her first sexual experience, she confided in her older sister, 19-year-old Louise, who took her to the family GP to get the morning-after pill.
'I was terrified and felt ill taking it,' says Clare. 'After a few more days, I couldn't hide what had happened any more from my parents. I couldn't stop crying and they kept asking what was wrong.
'They were very shocked - as I knew they would be. To them, I was still their little girl. But, thankfully, they were sympathetic and didn't shout at me.'
Despite regretting her mistake, a few months after turning 15, Clare met another boy her age and again felt pressured enough to have sex with him.
'Although I felt I shouldn't do it again, we did,' she says. 'After a few more weeks our relationship broke up. I so much regret not waiting until I was older.
'For me, the main problem was peer pressure from friends who all said they were sleeping with their boyfriends. The other catalyst was drink. I think the main reason young girls have sex is because they are drunk.'
Tabatha, now 18, who runs a clothing and jewellery business with her mother in the West Midlands, bitterly regrets her first sexual encounter three years ago.
'I look back and think I grew up far too quickly,' she says. 'In my early teens I was reading magazines and longing to get older. It seemed that everywhere I looked, from the TV to adverts for condoms in magazines, being sexy and having sex was the "in thing" to do.
She adds: 'Friends at school said they'd done it. When we talked, it seemed as if they were all having sexual relationships. The trouble is that girls do mature faster than boys. Some 15-year-old boys may not even be capable of having sex, whereas by that age, girls are young women.
'When you look at those horrible tarty Bratz dolls that little girls play with, it's no surprise that girls grow up too fast. You see girls going to parties complete with make-up and short skirts. They're like mini-women rather than children.'
Parenting expert Penny Palmano, the mother of daughters aged 18 and 20, is convinced that bad role models are to blame for young girls giving away their virginity so cheaply.
'It's so confusing for girls today,' she says. 'They are constantly bombarded by messages from television and celebrity magazines that everyone is having sex. Then you have the totally sexualised music videos - especially on teen-oriented channels like MTV.
'It's vital that parents deal with these issues and discuss them with their children so they can have the confidence to respect themselves and make sensible choices.'
A-level student Claire Guest, the 16-year-old daughter of a solicitor's receptionist and a business manager, from Romford, Essex, agrees.
'Everywhere you look these days there is sex,' she says. 'And it isn't just in obvious ways either. You can watch a music video on TV and see people in bed together or kissing and dancing sexily.
'Many people have a MySpace internet account where young girls wear sexy clothes and boys say how attractive they are. And every film has a sexual element. You grow up believing every relationship with a boy should include sex.'
Claire was 15 when she first slept with her boyfriend Adam, then aged 17. 'We did it in the bedroom at his house one day when I went round,' she says.
'At the time I was happy about it. We had been going out for about six months and we continued to go out together for another year. We always practised safe sex. I don't regret it as Adam was lovely and it was special for me.
'But I think for most of my friends who had under-age sex, it was a bad thing. I would estimate that 70 per cent of them had had sex by the time they were 16, but most of their experiences were just flings with older boys. Then they just felt used and upset.'
Perhaps most worrying of all, listening to these young girls' stories makes it clear that such experiences are not easily left behind. Once a young girl has experimented with sex, it seems that the door on childhood is closed for ever.
Helen Diamond, a 17-year-old A-level student, lost her virginity when she was 15 to a 19-year-old man she had been dating for six months. 'Afterwards, I felt overwhelmed by what I'd done,' she says. 'I suddenly thought: "God, I'm only 15." I would rather be able to say I lost my virginity at 16 which sounds so much older - and, of course, it's legal then.'
But the legacy of having sex prematurely can be far more damaging than merely the feeling of bitter regret. Frankie, a 17-year-old pupil at a private girls' school in North London, became pregnant three years ago at the age of 14 after losing her virginity to a 15-year-old boy.
'I'd got really drunk at a party,' she explains. 'We'd known each other as friends for a long time and I fancied him but we weren't going out together. I wished I hadn't done it straight away, but put it to the back of my mind.'
Eight weeks later, while on holiday with her parents, Frankie started feeling sick. Initially doctors dismissed it as a stomach bug, but later her mother took her to another doctor who told Frankie she was three months' pregnant. 'I rang and told the boy but he said he didn't believe me. I could tell it was just his word against mine,' she says.
'My parents were so shocked,' Frankie adds. 'They just couldn't comprehend what had happened. I'd had all the sex education and I came from a loving middle-class family. I think they blamed themselves. But it wasn't their fault. It was just something that could happen to any girl.'
The decision to have a termination was one which traumatised Frankie. 'I couldn't help but think my baby was a real person and it was terribly, terribly upsetting,' she says.
'My parents didn't put pressure on me, but I could tell they wanted me to have a termination, and the more I thought about it, the more I realised they were right.
'I couldn't support a baby. I was far too young. I always planned to go to a good university. Everything I, and my parents, have worked for - coaching me through exams to get into my school and paying for education - would have been pointless.'
Frankie went ahead with the termination and returned to school, but there is no doubt that what happened has permanently scarred her.
She says: 'It's been a while now, but the whole experience has changed me. I feel I've grown up too much and seen a bit of life I would rather I hadn't seen.
'For a while I felt depressed. I hated seeing all the adverts and sexy things on TV. I almost felt conned. Real life isn't like that at all. I regret what I did and wish it had never happened. It's like having a horrible secret.'
Rebecca Findlay, spokesperson for FPA, formerly the Family Planning Association, says: 'Young women face a lot of pressure to behave and look in a certain way from television, the internet and magazines.
'Sex is everywhere and it's used as a marketing tool. Young women think they should be having sex because they see it all around them.
They need to be able to understand that they can decide when it's right for them.
'A key problem is that there is no compulsory sex education in our schools.
'We need to give young women and men the tools to navigate their way through a highly sexually-charged society.'
Teachers' daughter Rosie Franklin, a 15-year-old pupil from Shrewsbury, is a member of the UK Youth Parliament, a group which represents youngsters aged 11 to 18 and campaigns for better sex education in schools.
Rosie believes she has remained a virgin partly because she can openly talk to her parents about sex. She also believes growing up in a happy, loving household has given her a natural confidence.
She says: 'Some girls have low self-esteem and I think this may encourage them to have sex at a younger age because it makes them feel wanted. It's a shame because boys typically don't respect girls who are easily available.
Rosie is convinced the quality of her school's sex education has helped both herself and her peers make informed choices.
'As well as teaching us about sex and contraception, our lessons cover subjects like one-night stands and why you shouldn't have sex at a party just because you've had a few drinks.'
'But this quality of education is not the same for every school. In the UK, sex education is not standardised. It's so different from school to school.'
It is clear that whatever the factors which determine who caves in to pressure to have sex and who doesn't, young girls in Britain today feel defined by their sexuality more than ever before. Perhaps it is filling an emotional gap left empty by increasingly problematic family relationships. Or perhaps the effects of an increasingly sexualised culture are finally taking their toll.
In the end, as these girls' stories show, it is impossible to blot out the memory of such experiences. It is the regret that is so tragic.
Three years after the night she lost her virginity in a tent, Clare Gibbons still agonises over why she felt compelled to do something that clearly wasn't right for her.
'I would do anything to turn the clock back and not to have had that experience,' she says. 'At 14, I thought I knew it all. Now I realise just how wrong I was.'
It just isn't worth the trouble to become POTUS these day's....
That's why there are statutory rape laws so that it doesn't matter what the girls thinks or says about if she's underage the guy does time.
First and foremost, I'm not a lawyer (yet--only a pre-law student), nor do I live in AZ. Second, I'll try to explain this as best as I can (though any lawyers or law students in the audience--do feel free to add on or correct me) 8^)
Having said that, I don't think it was liberals who wrote such laws. Nor is it "fishy"--although at first glance it does appear something isn't right.
The key principles is in how the statute defines 'sexual contact' and the age of consent (how old one has to be in order to be considered able to consent to sexual activity)--both are defined specifically in each state.
In your case, Arizona defines the age of consent (AOC) at 18 and broadly defines 'sexual contact' to include most any contact with genitalia (there are obvious exceptions--e.g. the doctor's office)
Knowing this, we can figure out what the law means. So, going back to your example...
Under the law, the 17 year old girl cannot legally consent to having anyone touch her breast (age of consent at work), not to mention that touching the female breast is considered 'sexual contact' under the law (sexual contact definition at work).
And because the girl cannot consent, it's considered statutory rape. Thus the stiff penalty--by legal definition, the perpetrator is in fact a rapist.
Interestingly enough, I've heard of cases in a few states (including mine) where the state attorney reviews the cases and generally (as a rule of thumb) doesn't charge most teens caught, er, together so long as both parties are under 18 and within three or four years of each other (e.g. a 16 and a 15 year old), and the parents don't press for charges.
Another thing to consider is whether such contact is a felony or misdemeanor. To use an example, Wisconsin's AOC is also 18. Sexual contact with a minor under 16 is a felony and gets one prison time. However, if the minor(s) in question is/are 16 or 17, it's a misdemeanor punishable by nine months in the county jail and/or a $10,000 fine.
In your case, I would presume that AZ has a similar setup and thus the 15 year old could be charged with a felony and the 17 year old a misdemeanor (though a bit of a stretch, you could argue a felony charge by way of her parts touching his hand)
If one of the parties is over 18 or there is a larger than three or four year gap, then there's no exception.
Is it perfect? Far from it. But IMHO, there aren't any better ways of rectifying the issue--so this is what we have.
Hopefully, this answers your question...8^)
*sigh* Thanks for that very rational post! Can't believe you haven't been flamed for it yet.
Another problem with it is, is that "Once tried as an adult, always tried as an adult for any other crime even if you are a juvenile." I know that most of the time it is thrown out but if a kid who is just messing around one day and ends up having his entire life ruined because of it is pretty bad and I think the law should be changed to something a little less harsh.
LOL!!! Your government school systems actually "teach" that?!? The ACLU will put a stop to religion ("the devil") being brought into the classroom. Please give them a call to straighten this out.
No wonder so many kids graduate unable to read and write - they have government school curriculum that focus on silliness rather than reading/writing/arithmetic. And why wouldn't a competent teacher quit is they had to tell kids that "sex is the devil and will get you killed?" What kind of moron "teachers" are these?
This is about as bad as expelling government school kids for drawing pictures of guns!
My sarcasm was obviously lost on you. The Canadian school system is arguably even more deficient than the US system. I was just pointing out what abstinence education amounts to the way that many "conservatives" preach it.
Then I'm guessing it isn't even going to court--there's a good chance because of the similarity in age and both under 18 the state's attorney might be looking the other way.
"The minimum sentence of a 15 year old having sex is 5.2 years,"
However, as you're well aware, the 15 year old must be charged as an adult, go through adult preliminary proceedings, be tried as an adult, and be found guilty by 12 of his peers. IMHO, the state attorneys figure they have bigger fish to fry, so long as the kids are otherwise keeping out of trouble...
As for incest, I agree that needs to be raised quite a bit. In the state I live in (WI), it's a class C felony--meaning a term not to exceed 40 years and/or a fine not to exceed $100,000, or both. (Incest between adults is a class F felony--up to 12.5 years in prison and $25k fine)
"Another problem with it is, is that "Once tried as an adult, always tried as an adult for any other crime even if you are a juvenile." I know that most of the time it is thrown out but if a kid who is just messing around one day and ends up having his entire life ruined because of it is pretty bad and I think the law should be changed to something a little less harsh."
Here's where something called discretion comes in--though generally you are correct (most often with repeat offenders).
Generally, if it's a kid with their first or second run-in with the law and everything else points to their being a good kid, they may be charged and placed in juvy hall rather than be waived to adult court.
However, there are also limits as to who and what can be waived to adult court--IIRC, not all crimes can be waived (though big ones like rape, murder, armed robbery, serious assault & battery, etc. can and usually do). Not to mention that kids under 14 cannot be waived into adult court except for the most heinous crimes (e.g murder)
In short, this discretion relies on three things:
-The prior history of the kid
-The crime allegedly committed, including its severity
-The age of the defendant
Well then it sounds like Hillary was right. I does take a village to raise a child. Sad, very sad.
Also, wasn't the traditional cure for a man caught sleeping with your daughter a shotgun marriage?
About 35 years ago I asked a friend of mine
"Is it going to be a shotgun wedding"?
He said "yes but it's formal her daddy has a white shotgun"
Oh yes they should. One has to wonder why he feels that way.
To the liberal mindset abstinence is not even a viable alternative. In their world they "know" that there is only the option of engaging in sexual activity, and the cure is just to provide the means of avoiding pregnancy. They don't care about the psychological trauma that results from young boys and girls engaging in sexual behaviors. I truly believe that the liberals in our country want young boys and girls engaging in sexual activity, which is why we have sex forced into our faces every day. That is the real problem in this country when it comes to children and sex.
How true: "It's a lack of education in morals, not sex, that's the problem."
The end of the article sounds like a sales promotion for Planned Parenthood.
Although that is important, abstinence taught at home, by loving parents, is much more so. I pity the child who learns about sex and morality only at school.
How would these girls feel better if they lost their virginity to a lout when they were drunk if they were 16 rather than 14 or 15??? I don't think this article gets to the heart of the problem, which more "sex education" isn't going to solve. This is a country where topless "page 3" girls are in mass circulation newspapers, where the expectation is that young girls will "do it."
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