Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

The true cost of sex under 16
UK Daily Mail ^ | 11/23/06 | Barbara Davies& Alison Smith-Squire

Posted on 11/26/2006 10:21:45 AM PST by wagglebee

The night Clare Gibbons lost her virginity was unforgettable. Not because it was special or romantic or even exciting - but precisely because it was anything but.

At the tender age of 14, she and a friend went to an older boy's house for the evening. Both girls agreed to camp in the garden overnight with the 19-year-old and his friend.

'We all thought it would be fun,' she recalls. Then the drinking began and before she knew it, Clare was lying beneath the canvas having sex with a man she barely knew. It was a sickening experience which will be etched on her memory for ever.

'I can remember what happened,' says Clare, now a 17-year-old media studies student. 'But I was in such a tipsy daze I was powerless to stop it. The next morning, I could barely look at him. I felt absolutely sick, and so used and dirty.'

Tabatha Payne suffered a depressingly similar experience. She was 15 when she met her 'first proper boyfriend' - a 20-year-old man. 'I felt the grown-up thing to do would be to have sex,' she says. 'He kept telling me he loved me and everyone was doing it. It was a spur of the moment thing at his house. But it wasn't a good experience, certainly not the intimate and pleasurable experience I'd imagined sex would be. It was just a bit painful and disappointing.'

Stories such as these might send shivers down the spine of any parent with a teenage daughter. But the experiences of girls such as Clare and Tabatha are becoming increasingly common - so much so that this week a top police officer argued that men who have sex with girls aged 13 to 15 should not necessarily be classed as paedophiles.

Terry Grange, chief constable of Dyfed-Powys Police, said: 'I think the closer they get to 16, the more it becomes a "grey area" and I think everyone in the field of dealing with sexual health and sexual activity acknowledges that.'

Grey area or not, the statistics seem to bear out in black and white the alarming trend for girls having sex at a younger age. A survey last week revealed that a third of females are having sex before the legal age of consent - double the figure for boys in this country.

Alarmingly, in a country where the alcoholic consumption of 14-year-old girls outstrips boys, one in ten said they had sex because they were drunk, and a similar number said they felt pres-surised to lose their virginity.

Only half of the 1,700 girls surveyed by YouGov said they lost their virginity because they were in love. At the same time, levels of sexually transmitted diseases are soaring among the young.

In the past decade, levels of chlamydia, which can cause infertility, have risen by 238 per cent among women. Girls aged 15 and under were responsible for 1,000 of 90,000 new cases last year. And yet despite spending millions of pounds on sex education and free contraceptives, experts say the Government is failing to tackle the spiralling problem of under-age sex - and the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe.

All in all, such statistics paint a bleak picture of a generation of girls who have grown up too soon in a culture of increased sexualisation of children.

In the past, under-age sex among girls was often regarded as a class issue. But the stories of intelligent, educated girls such as Clare and Tabatha are a stark reminder of an experience which is becoming alarmingly common among the nation's middle-class daughters.

Clare, whose father is a telecoms manager and whose mother is a housewife, was raised in middle-class respectability in Orpington, Kent, and is studying for A-levels. And yet she found herself swept up in Britain's hard-drinking, sex-obsessed 'ladette' culture.

After her first sexual experience, she confided in her older sister, 19-year-old Louise, who took her to the family GP to get the morning-after pill.

'I was terrified and felt ill taking it,' says Clare. 'After a few more days, I couldn't hide what had happened any more from my parents. I couldn't stop crying and they kept asking what was wrong.

'They were very shocked - as I knew they would be. To them, I was still their little girl. But, thankfully, they were sympathetic and didn't shout at me.'

Despite regretting her mistake, a few months after turning 15, Clare met another boy her age and again felt pressured enough to have sex with him.

'Although I felt I shouldn't do it again, we did,' she says. 'After a few more weeks our relationship broke up. I so much regret not waiting until I was older.

'For me, the main problem was peer pressure from friends who all said they were sleeping with their boyfriends. The other catalyst was drink. I think the main reason young girls have sex is because they are drunk.'

Tabatha, now 18, who runs a clothing and jewellery business with her mother in the West Midlands, bitterly regrets her first sexual encounter three years ago.

'I look back and think I grew up far too quickly,' she says. 'In my early teens I was reading magazines and longing to get older. It seemed that everywhere I looked, from the TV to adverts for condoms in magazines, being sexy and having sex was the "in thing" to do.

She adds: 'Friends at school said they'd done it. When we talked, it seemed as if they were all having sexual relationships. The trouble is that girls do mature faster than boys. Some 15-year-old boys may not even be capable of having sex, whereas by that age, girls are young women.

'When you look at those horrible tarty Bratz dolls that little girls play with, it's no surprise that girls grow up too fast. You see girls going to parties complete with make-up and short skirts. They're like mini-women rather than children.'

Parenting expert Penny Palmano, the mother of daughters aged 18 and 20, is convinced that bad role models are to blame for young girls giving away their virginity so cheaply.

'It's so confusing for girls today,' she says. 'They are constantly bombarded by messages from television and celebrity magazines that everyone is having sex. Then you have the totally sexualised music videos - especially on teen-oriented channels like MTV.

'It's vital that parents deal with these issues and discuss them with their children so they can have the confidence to respect themselves and make sensible choices.'

A-level student Claire Guest, the 16-year-old daughter of a solicitor's receptionist and a business manager, from Romford, Essex, agrees.

'Everywhere you look these days there is sex,' she says. 'And it isn't just in obvious ways either. You can watch a music video on TV and see people in bed together or kissing and dancing sexily.

'Many people have a MySpace internet account where young girls wear sexy clothes and boys say how attractive they are. And every film has a sexual element. You grow up believing every relationship with a boy should include sex.'

Claire was 15 when she first slept with her boyfriend Adam, then aged 17. 'We did it in the bedroom at his house one day when I went round,' she says.

'At the time I was happy about it. We had been going out for about six months and we continued to go out together for another year. We always practised safe sex. I don't regret it as Adam was lovely and it was special for me.

'But I think for most of my friends who had under-age sex, it was a bad thing. I would estimate that 70 per cent of them had had sex by the time they were 16, but most of their experiences were just flings with older boys. Then they just felt used and upset.'

Perhaps most worrying of all, listening to these young girls' stories makes it clear that such experiences are not easily left behind. Once a young girl has experimented with sex, it seems that the door on childhood is closed for ever.

Helen Diamond, a 17-year-old A-level student, lost her virginity when she was 15 to a 19-year-old man she had been dating for six months. 'Afterwards, I felt overwhelmed by what I'd done,' she says. 'I suddenly thought: "God, I'm only 15." I would rather be able to say I lost my virginity at 16 which sounds so much older - and, of course, it's legal then.'

But the legacy of having sex prematurely can be far more damaging than merely the feeling of bitter regret. Frankie, a 17-year-old pupil at a private girls' school in North London, became pregnant three years ago at the age of 14 after losing her virginity to a 15-year-old boy.

'I'd got really drunk at a party,' she explains. 'We'd known each other as friends for a long time and I fancied him but we weren't going out together. I wished I hadn't done it straight away, but put it to the back of my mind.'

Eight weeks later, while on holiday with her parents, Frankie started feeling sick. Initially doctors dismissed it as a stomach bug, but later her mother took her to another doctor who told Frankie she was three months' pregnant. 'I rang and told the boy but he said he didn't believe me. I could tell it was just his word against mine,' she says.

'My parents were so shocked,' Frankie adds. 'They just couldn't comprehend what had happened. I'd had all the sex education and I came from a loving middle-class family. I think they blamed themselves. But it wasn't their fault. It was just something that could happen to any girl.'

The decision to have a termination was one which traumatised Frankie. 'I couldn't help but think my baby was a real person and it was terribly, terribly upsetting,' she says.

'My parents didn't put pressure on me, but I could tell they wanted me to have a termination, and the more I thought about it, the more I realised they were right.

'I couldn't support a baby. I was far too young. I always planned to go to a good university. Everything I, and my parents, have worked for - coaching me through exams to get into my school and paying for education - would have been pointless.'

Frankie went ahead with the termination and returned to school, but there is no doubt that what happened has permanently scarred her.

She says: 'It's been a while now, but the whole experience has changed me. I feel I've grown up too much and seen a bit of life I would rather I hadn't seen.

'For a while I felt depressed. I hated seeing all the adverts and sexy things on TV. I almost felt conned. Real life isn't like that at all. I regret what I did and wish it had never happened. It's like having a horrible secret.'

Rebecca Findlay, spokesperson for FPA, formerly the Family Planning Association, says: 'Young women face a lot of pressure to behave and look in a certain way from television, the internet and magazines.

'Sex is everywhere and it's used as a marketing tool. Young women think they should be having sex because they see it all around them.

They need to be able to understand that they can decide when it's right for them.

'A key problem is that there is no compulsory sex education in our schools.

'We need to give young women and men the tools to navigate their way through a highly sexually-charged society.'

Teachers' daughter Rosie Franklin, a 15-year-old pupil from Shrewsbury, is a member of the UK Youth Parliament, a group which represents youngsters aged 11 to 18 and campaigns for better sex education in schools.

Rosie believes she has remained a virgin partly because she can openly talk to her parents about sex. She also believes growing up in a happy, loving household has given her a natural confidence.

She says: 'Some girls have low self-esteem and I think this may encourage them to have sex at a younger age because it makes them feel wanted. It's a shame because boys typically don't respect girls who are easily available.

Rosie is convinced the quality of her school's sex education has helped both herself and her peers make informed choices.

'As well as teaching us about sex and contraception, our lessons cover subjects like one-night stands and why you shouldn't have sex at a party just because you've had a few drinks.'

'But this quality of education is not the same for every school. In the UK, sex education is not standardised. It's so different from school to school.'

It is clear that whatever the factors which determine who caves in to pressure to have sex and who doesn't, young girls in Britain today feel defined by their sexuality more than ever before. Perhaps it is filling an emotional gap left empty by increasingly problematic family relationships. Or perhaps the effects of an increasingly sexualised culture are finally taking their toll.

In the end, as these girls' stories show, it is impossible to blot out the memory of such experiences. It is the regret that is so tragic.

Three years after the night she lost her virginity in a tent, Clare Gibbons still agonises over why she felt compelled to do something that clearly wasn't right for her.

'I would do anything to turn the clock back and not to have had that experience,' she says. 'At 14, I thought I knew it all. Now I realise just how wrong I was.'


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Extended News; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: abortion; abstinence; moralabsolutes; prolife; sexed; teensex
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-4041-6061-75 next last
To: redpoll
but even with the best tools available most of my students wouldn't have the ability to make the right decisions needed for a sane, reasonable sex life. Teenagers don't have what it takes to make a rational risk analysis.

Not what any teenager wants to hear, but certainly true!

21 posted on 11/26/2006 11:22:30 AM PST by wagglebee ("We are ready for the greatest achievements in the history of freedom." -- President Bush, 1/20/05)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 19 | View Replies]

To: IronJack
Why is this a problem the GOVERNMENT should be tackling?

Because to the liberal minded EVERTHING is an issue in need of government intervention.

22 posted on 11/26/2006 11:23:47 AM PST by EGPWS (Lord help me be the conservative liberals fear I am.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: CindyDawg

Your remarks bring back memories . . . I know that Bob Jones University requires chaperones for dating their female students - does any other school still require this?

Also, wasn't the traditional cure for a man caught sleeping with your daughter a shotgun marriage? This would slow down some of the playas.


23 posted on 11/26/2006 11:25:29 AM PST by Howard Jarvis Admirer (Howard Jarvis, the foe of the tax collector and friend of the California homeowner)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 17 | View Replies]

To: wagglebee
I think abstinence should be taught at home and it should be the only thing taught in schools

Sadly enough it's not taught in schools and if it's taught at home it's a lawsuit in making.

24 posted on 11/26/2006 11:26:52 AM PST by EGPWS (Lord help me be the conservative liberals fear I am.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 16 | View Replies]

To: wagglebee

They are clearly not without information. It's a lack of education in morals, not sex, that's the problem.


25 posted on 11/26/2006 11:27:44 AM PST by The Ghost of FReepers Past (Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light..... Isaiah 5:20)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: wagglebee

Among all the categories the one missing is "lost virginity on marraige night". How sad.


26 posted on 11/26/2006 11:30:24 AM PST by Jack Black
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Carry_Okie

Will leave it up to you whether you want to have the girls read this or not. Sometimes it helps if it comes from a source other than parents.


27 posted on 11/26/2006 11:31:42 AM PST by WVNan
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Howard Jarvis Admirer

My momma used to make me take a sister. No bribing could keep them quiet:')


28 posted on 11/26/2006 11:32:16 AM PST by CindyDawg
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 23 | View Replies]

To: wagglebee
Men who want a woman's body don't necessarily want her for real love. If a guy isn't willing to wait for a girl til the time's right, its going make a sexual encounter feel cheap.

"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." -Manuel II Paleologus

29 posted on 11/26/2006 11:32:16 AM PST by goldstategop (In Memory Of A Dearly Beloved Friend Who Lives On In My Heart Forever)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: CORedneck

I think unsupervised dating shouldn't be allowed until Sept of their senior year.


30 posted on 11/26/2006 11:34:55 AM PST by CindyDawg
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: EGPWS
I'm not sure if liberals or not wrote this law...but it sounds pretty fishy. In Arizona it is possible for a 15 year old to touch a 17 year old girls breast (over the shirt) with her willing and end up that the boy gets 5-14 years in jail...yes JAIL not juvenile and has to register as a sex offender. Btw thats the same time amount of time that a 60 year old man would get.
31 posted on 11/26/2006 11:56:46 AM PST by ryan125
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 22 | View Replies]

To: wagglebee
"'He kept telling me he loved me and everyone was doing it."

The media are doing their best to help the young man make his case that "everyone is doing it."

32 posted on 11/26/2006 11:59:40 AM PST by Montfort
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: VOA
2. didn't get married before age 21

Aw, crap! That's why my husband isn't making a better income.

33 posted on 11/26/2006 12:01:02 PM PST by HungarianGypsy
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: CindyDawg
I have two teen girls - senior and sophomore. No one goes out on a date without a sibling. It helps to supervise the date, and it makes better relationships between the girls. If your sister is mad at you, she can blow your chances of going out on Saturday night. It keeps fights down to a minimum. LOL.

It also helps that I am a night owl so I am up at curfew time (11 PM) and stay up until everyone home at 12 PM. I chat with the kids while they have a late snack together and watch TV. There are a few minutes on the porch for goodnight's, but linger too long and the porch light gets flickered.

Oh yeah, we took in a teen mother and child for a few months until she arranged for adoption. Probably the best abstinance lesson that could be taught.

34 posted on 11/26/2006 12:01:03 PM PST by myprecious
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 30 | View Replies]

To: wagglebee
From the article: "And yet despite spending millions of pounds on sex education and free contraceptives, experts say the Government is failing to tackle the spiralling problem of under-age sex - and the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe. "

Sometimes a person has to wonder just how liberals manage to feed themselves and tie their shoes.

35 posted on 11/26/2006 12:03:57 PM PST by William Tell (RKBA for California (rkba.members.sonic.net) - Volunteer by contacting Dave at rkba@sonic.net)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: myprecious

Your mother must have known my mother:')


36 posted on 11/26/2006 12:05:32 PM PST by CindyDawg
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 34 | View Replies]

To: ryan125
I'm not sure if liberals or not wrote this law...but it sounds pretty fishy. In Arizona it is possible for a 15 year old to touch a 17 year old girls breast (over the shirt) with her willing and end up that the boy gets 5-14 years in jail...yes JAIL not juvenile and has to register as a sex offender. Btw thats the same time amount of time that a 60 year old man would get.

Perhaps it varies by case? An acquaintance of mine said he served on a grand jury that was a statutory rape case. The girl was 16. The case was automatically thrown out by the grand jury.

37 posted on 11/26/2006 12:06:01 PM PST by HungarianGypsy
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 31 | View Replies]

To: redpoll
I teach high school students, and no offense to any of my students, but even with the best tools available most of my students wouldn't have the ability to make the right decisions needed for a sane, reasonable sex life. Teenagers don't have what it takes to make a rational risk analysis. You underestimate your students. I would bet a large sum of money that many of them COULD make the right decision. As a long-time Freeper, I am becoming increasingly bitter about some of the hard-line opinions on this forum that leave no room for common sense. When we believe in our religion so blindly that we ignore reality, we become no better than our enemies. Western culture has changed from the one that many of you grew up in. Nobody takes any personal responsibility anymore. Why? Because it's all too easy to say "It's not my problem." The people here that are advocating only abstinence education are in denial. You can't just say "Sex is the devil and will get you killed," and be done with it. Whether or not you educate about sex, it is human nature to want to explore it. Even if NOTHING was said about any sexual topics in schools, and the media still had discretion, you would not change the fact that it would happen. The Europeans don't have it right, obviously, but we don't in North America either. What is the answer? I don't know. But it's not the way things are currently done, and it's certainly not to deny that sex exists.
38 posted on 11/26/2006 12:06:12 PM PST by AntiKev (Keppler makes the world go 'round.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 19 | View Replies]

To: WVNan
Since they've read a graduate-level book on homosexuality in ancient Rome that was written by a homosexual author, my guess is this is pretty tame by comparison.
39 posted on 11/26/2006 12:07:42 PM PST by Carry_Okie (There are people in power who are REALLY stupid.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 27 | View Replies]

To: HungarianGypsy

matters with the judge, he/she has the power to say the 15 year old is an adult or not.


40 posted on 11/26/2006 12:07:54 PM PST by ryan125
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 37 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-4041-6061-75 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson