Posted on 11/18/2006 8:29:15 PM PST by BulletBobCo
A can of Hormel chili. A piece of pumpkin pie. These are the kinds of deadly items Transportation Security Administration screeners have seized from air-traffic controllers at Denver International Airport.
Need a definition of bureaucratic insanity? First, the Federal Aviation Administration refuses to let controllers leave the DIA control tower to eat lunch. Then, because of rules restricting liquids and gels on airplanes, the TSA confiscates parts of lunches that some controllers try to bring through security checkpoints.
Not all lunch items are seized, a TSA spokeswoman assured me - just stuff like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, cans of soup and yogurt.
And, the spokeswoman added, controllers can bring cereal through the TSA checkpoint, then buy milk from a restaurant inside the secure area.
They better buy it on the way to work, however, because the FAA has decreed that controllers must take vacation or personal leave to go to lunch.
FAA and TSA spokespeople insist that DIA's controllers can still get anything they want for lunch through non-TSA checkpoints. They can - but only if they give up parking spots near the air-control tower and are bused into the airport from a remote parking lot several miles away.
The Looney Tunes lunchcapades at DIA have trapped some of the airport's most important employees in a dietary Catch-22. They can't go out to lunch and can't bring in certain foods and drink.
The TSA says it applies security rules equally. But FAA and union officials say flight crews can carry liquids through checkpoints that controllers cannot.
Bringing an unrestricted bag lunch to a workplace where you're not allowed out for a midday meal seems like a no-brainer for folks who have already undergone background checks and whose jobs run a close second to pilots.
Deadlocked labor talks and a control tower located inside a secure area helped create DIA's lunchtime lockdown. The National Air Traffic Controllers Association and the FAA stopped negotiations in April. Congress refused to order talks to continue. By law, the FAA got to implement its "last, best offer." That offer does not pay controllers across the country if they go out for lunch.
"I did some measuring last week," said controller Mike Coulter, DIA's union chief. "It's 82 paces from the base of the tower to Villa Pizza. It took three minutes and 22 seconds to buy a slice."
FAA's Denver tower boss, Robert Fletcher, called Coulter's numbers "misleading." Whatever the distance, Fletcher said, controllers are paid for lunch and are obliged to stay in the tower so they can be "recalled" to duty if needed.
Fletcher also insisted that "bringing food in (for lunch) is not an issue."
You just have to abide by TSA liquid and gel restrictions. Or there's always the remote parking lot bus.
So far, solutions to this stupidity have gone from dumb to dumber.
TSA limits on carrying gels and liquids on planes arose from a foiled terrorist plot that would have turned those substances into in-flight explosives.
How that applies to a can of chili or a slice of pie headed for the air-control tower in the lunch box of an employee with a security clearance strains the brain.
"All airport and TSA employees who go through the security checkpoint are subject to appropriate screening measures," is the TSA's official explanation.
A TSA spokeswoman refused to say how the TSA treats flight crews at checkpoints. But flight crews are not airport or TSA employees. Unless that magically makes them less of a security threat, cracking down on controllers becomes absurd.
Fletcher said he asked the TSA to treat FAA personnel at DIA as they treat pilots and flight attendants. The TSA, he said, told him no. Fletcher said he has asked superiors to intervene with TSA higher- ups.
So has Scott Farrow, an air controllers union vice president. Farrow still thinks controllers should be able to grab a quick bite on the DIA concourse.
Failing that, he said, the powers that be can at least stop treating mayonnaise like a lethal weapon.
Jim Spencer's column appears Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Reach him at 303-954-1771 or jspencer@denverpost.com.
Well, even this documented stupidity at DIA doesn't compare to the stupidy of Muzzies in TSA uniforms at DTW-- hired and paid for by your airline ticket taxes.
I'll have to get back with you on that. The labor board disagrees, but what else is new?
The Government - of the absurd, by the absurd, and for the absurd. But hey - it beats digging ditches.
Huh. It's a lot of double talk but it looks like you are right. The DOL does say it isn't a break if they aren't completely relieved of duty though. I did see a transportation exception. These guys aren't technically driving or flying but I wonder if they would be under the umbrella?
Got it, thanks!
An idea. That bus bypasses the TSA checkpoints, right? If I were one of the drivers of that bus, I would set up a service to deliver meals from nearby restaurants (or even grocery stores) to the controllers. Take orders by phone or fax, tack on a small gratuity, and deliver the food at scheduled times.
A dumb person's policy is often a clever person's opportunity.
I gotta remember to include this in a book I write.
Oh...wait...been there, done that!
The inmates are certainly in control of the asylum in modern day America.
Tax revenues paid for that stuff...
I feel safer!
Sting ping for you.
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