Posted on 11/06/2006 1:45:44 PM PST by meg88
To the delight of his Los Angeles audience which heartily applauded his every barb at President Bush, such as denigrating Bush as “a retarded child emperor,” left-wing comedian Bill Maher closed his HBO show Friday night with his recommended talking points for Democrats to use to fight back against Republicans and win on Tuesday.
hE started his list, on Real Time with Bill Maher aired live at 11pm EST, with how “when they say 'Democrats will raise taxes,' you say 'we have to because someone spent all the money in the world cutting Paris Hilton's taxes and not killing Osama bin Laden.'” Second, “when they say the 'terrorists want the Democrats to win,' you say 'are you insane? George Bush has been a terrorist's wet dream.' He inflames radical hatred against America and then runs on offering to protect us from it. It's like a guy throwing sh*t on you and then selling you relief from the flies.”
Third, “when they say 'cut and run' or 'defeatocrat,' you say 'Bush lost the war, period.'” Fourth, “when they say that actual combat veterans like John Kerry are 'denigrating the troops,' you say 'you're completely full of shit.'” And finally, “vote Republican and you vote to enable George Bush to keep ruling as an emperor -- a retarded child emperor, but an emperor.” (Transcript follows)
Video clip (3:45): Real (6.5 MB) or Windows Media (7.5 MB), plus MP3 audio (1.3 MB)
Maher delivered his talking points as part of his “New Rules” segment which followed a panel with actor Alec Baldwin, A.B. Stoddard of The Hill newspaper and Republican Congressman Jack Kingston of Georgia.
Addressing Democrats, Maher lectured on the November 3 edition of HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher, produced live at CBS Television City in Los Angeles, as I transcribed it since a transcript has not yet been posted on the “New Rules” page:
“Finally, new rule: Controlling Congress is for closers. Listen up Democrats. It's as easy as ABC: Always Be Closing. First prize, subpoena power in the new Congress. Second prize, a set of steak knives. Third prize, you're fired.
“The election is four days away, and I'm through dicking around with you. Here are the leads, here are your talking points:
“One, when they say 'Democrats will raise taxes,' you say 'we have to because someone spent all the money in the world cutting Paris Hilton's taxes and not killing Osama bin Laden.' [applause] In just six years the national debt has doubled. You can't keep spending money you don't take in. That's not even elementary economics, that's just called don't be Michael Jackson. [some laughter]
“Two, when they say the 'terrorists want the Democrats to win,' you say 'are you insane? George Bush has been a terrorist's wet dream.' He inflames radical hatred against America and then runs on offering to protect us from it. It's like a guy throwing shit on you and then selling you relief from the flies. [laughter and applause]
“Three, when they say 'cut and run' or 'defeatocrat,' you say 'Bush lost the war, period.' [applause] All this nonsense about the violence is getting worse over there because they're trying to influence the election, no, it's getting worse because you drew up the post-war plans on the back of a cocktail napkin at Applebees. [applause] And of course Democrats want to win, but that's impossible now that you've ethnically-cleansed the place by making it unlivable -- just like you did with New Orleans. [applause]
“Four, when they say that actual combat veterans like John Kerry are 'denigrating the troops,' you say 'you're completely full of shit.' Remember when Al Gore caught all that flack for sighing and moaning during that debate? Yeah, don't do that. Just say, 'you're full of shit.' If I was a troop, the support I would want back home would mainly come in the form of people pressuring Washington to get me out of this pointless nightmare. [applause] That's how I would feel supported. So, when they say 'Democrats are obstructionists,' you say 'you're welcome.' Sometimes good people have to intercede to prevent dire consequences. You wouldn't like to think of me as an obstructionist, but what if Roseanne [Barr, earlier guest] had offered to sing? [laughter] So I would be happy to frame this debate as a fight between the obstructionists and the enablers. There's your talking point. Vote Republican and you vote to enable George Bush to keep ruling as an emperor -- a retarded child emperor [laughter], but an emperor.
“So Democrats, you've got four days to get out there and close. And it's not about slogans this time, although when it comes to slogans, the only one I'm prepared to accept from the opposition is, 'The Republican Party: We're sorry.'” [applause]
LOL! You're right - my mistake.
Yep...he is in bad need of a 7.62MM lobotomy to fix his ailment.
Cheese. These jerks DELIBERATELY miss the point, don't they? (How else can you explain this junk??)
Why do guys like Maher seem to think "real" combat vets like Kerry, and Gore, (Both of whom had questionable and abbreviated tours in Vietnam) are above reproach, yet a soldier that has served multiple tours that supports the mission is a dumbass?
Doesn't this [these] idiot[s] understand that Bush is not a part of these elections?
He relies on the uninformed masses to sell his bunk...little does he know of economics, little does he know of how tax cuts work to stimulate the economy, and he doesnt care...because it makes a better sound bite to slam the administration...and his self serving tripe simply panders to his uninformed audience.
True. It's going to be really interesting when these guys wake up and realize that Bush isn't running for President again. It will put a permanent kink in their walk to have to think of somebody else to hate like they've hated him.
is that a-hole mahr still on tv?
he is not funny lib/dem puke!!!!!
And let's all remember why Bill was booted off the ABC Network to begin with - saying how courageous the 9/11 hijackers were. After that, his ratings went right into the toilet and ABC kicked him off. HBO picked him up, but I doubt that he has much of a following. I have HBO and I avoid him like the plague.
He can't even get really knowledgeable or prominent politicos to come on his show anymore. No one's watching. We can watch smart people for free on Fox (okay - almost free).
I like that. I think we should change the name of the Democrat Party to the Balaam Party!!! LOL
I love that Dennis Miller has come out to support Bush and the WOT:
If you want somebody to repair your roads, educate your kids, or purify your water supply, you may want to turn to private enterprise, but if you want massive f***loads of your enemies wiped out in record time, Uncle Sam is the man for you."
"The French, you might as well gas up the dinghy and go fishing with Fredo because you are dead to me, okay. You know something? These pricks are now putting -- they're putting swastikas on our flag in France. You've got all those boys buried in Normandy. And after we had the good taste to chisel the armpit hair off the Statue of Liberty you gave us, you know something, I always thought that tint was oxidized copper. Little did I know it was green with envy."
"Listen, I would call the French scum bags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac."
"The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq."
"I don't know what I think of George W. Bush when he first got in, but I've grown fond of the man, and maybe it's the times we live in. They say he's not an environmentalist. But every time I see his ranch on TV, it looks pretty nice. You know something, if we all took care of our own, we'd have a great environment."
"As for what many are calling racial profiling in the aftermath of September 11th, well, get ready to be pissed off, you ACLU-F***ing-Morons, we're dealing with a massive threat and limited manpower, so, you want them to check everybody out equally? Sure, fine okay, but let's at least compromise and put the Swedish dwarf a little further down the list than the Iraqi explosives expert carrying a Belgian passport with more eraser marks on it than Kid Rock's trig final."
"There's a lot of differing data [about global warming], but as far as I can gather, over the last hundred years the temperature on this planet has gone up 1.8 degrees. Am I the only one who finds that amazingly stable? I could go back to my hotel room tonight and futz with the thermostat for three to four hours. I could not detect that difference."
"The simple fact is, you've got to view this war like we've been on a long family car ride. Bush is the father and he's been screaming 'don't make me come back there!' for around 200 miles now and it just reached the point where we had to pull the car over and the bad kid is going to get the spanking of his life."
"Michael Moore simultaneously represents everything I detest in a human being and everything I feel obligated to defend in an American. Quite simply, it is that stupid moron's right to be that utterly, completely wrong."
"I'll say this about the war protesters: At least most of them are only putting duct tape across their mouths so I can still tell the rest of them to blow it out their ass.
Good stuff...really liked Dennis Millers show when it was on. Sadly, his show was on the wrong network.
This guy is himself just a parrot, preaching to parrots.
(with apologies to all the beautiful parrots of the world)
My man Dennis!
You left out one of my favorites: "When 19 of 20 hijackers come from the same country - that's not profiling - that's minimally observant."
To paraphrase Dennis Miller:
I'd call Bill Maher a scumbag, but that would be an insult to bags filled with scum.
This from a guy with the intelligence of goo on the floor of a taxi cab. No offense to goo.
Geez, what a class act this clown is. What is it about liberals where they have to use so much profanity? Guess it makes them feel like grown-ups or something.
True. LOL.
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