Posted on 10/15/2006 9:05:37 AM PDT by redheadtoo
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went down town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break"?
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a "Nazi turd." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a "butt head." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came down town on the bus and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said "Hillary in '08."
I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.
!
Heh-heh-heh-heh.
Now I know shat I am going to be doing the rest of the day....
Hey that was my car!!@!@!@!!!!
:D
It's so much better than just keying the paint.
Bump for later e-mailing to my VERY conservative and long-retired Dad. Thanks!
A local talk show host with a bent on Maine Down East humah had a caller phone in. "John," he said with his thick accent, "I know how they can fix the tiles on the space shuttle from falling off."
The host bit at that opening. "I don't know, how can you keep those tiles on the shuttle through reentry?"
"Well," he said, "Them fancy scientists should cover the shuttle with Kerry and Gore stickers. I seen them all over for years, and them bad boys never come off!"
A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game.
The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun.
He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa."
Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer:
"Okay, how about this "If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress.
Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail.
After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?"
Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
A person after my own heart.
Just go look in any casino. They are all sitting in there.
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