About two weeks ago Brian began refusing all treatment, food and water etc off and on and has now refused all phone calls from family members included. We continued to call off and on and he would take our calls or not as he wished. They had transported him back to the Portland VA hospital in order to tend to an infection he'd had that hadn't responded to the oral antibiotics. The rehab unit could not deliver antibiotics via IV and the doctor did not want to wait as it was going into the weekend so he was transported to the Portland VA hospital where they could deliver the antibiotics and he could be watched 24/7. I spoke with him on Sunday, by Monday after that weekend it was discovered he had a 5-6mm mass (tumor? cancer?) on his colon. He refused ANY AND ALL treatment (including exploratory surgery to see what it is he has). He again began refusing all medications, treatment and again food and water. The doctors contacted me and I was brought up to speed (I'd talked with them on Friday when they sent him from the rehab to the hospital) and now on Monday we were discussing this colon issue and Brian's response to this. They were asking if I could/would be willing to see if I could talk with him, which I agreed to do.
Eventually the doctors called me back and that is when I found out he continued to refuse any treatment. As there was much that could be done medically the doctors and all others concerned held an Ethics Hearing to see if it was ethical for them to let him go as he wished. It was determined that he was capable of making these decisions for himself and they are abiding with his wishes. He was transported to a hospice in Portland where they will make him as comfortable as possible for the time he has left.
Since moving to the hospice he began to sound better and took our calls for a few days and was even getting up and eating meals in the dining room.
Unfortunately that didn't last long and he has now again begun to refuse meals and such. He has also now given orders that he is to get no phone calls and they are not to tell me or anyone anything about his health or medical situation. This is his right and is how he has chosen to spend his last bit of time. I am in touch with the hospice and they are very kind to the family. As they are bound by the law and must abide by his wishes so we will not be able to know any further how he is doing. I have been assured they will do all he will allow to make him comfortable. They will call me when he has passed. I have not the heart to even ask for the address as I know any card will only be refused. He knows we all love him and we all know he loves us and that is what we're going to have to hold close.
There will be no bedside comfort from family at his last moments as is his request. How sad but that is his wishes. Sad too is the fact that two weeks ago the highest honor the Coast Guard gives was awarded to Brian. He doesn't know it and won't take the call from his Coast Guard friend to be told. The submission was entered before he had this stroke and it just came through.
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Here's where we stand as of tonight:
Obviously, his family is devastated. However, prayers from all that love and care about him could penetrate his refusal. We just believe that God is bigger than Mr. Tonkin and therefore, whatever God wants...Mr. Tonkin will just have to get over it.
We have one more option that we're looking into as a sort of last ditch effort to perhaps change his mind. Please pray that this person is receptive and willing to do this on behalf of his family and all of us that love him.
Mr. Tonkin is preparing himself to die and that is extremely difficult for those of us that have known him. Our prayers is that he will open himself up to his family. He shouldn't be alone now. Anyone that knows him...knows how stubborn he can be and when his mind is made up...that's it. Therefore, we need all the prayers we can get on his behalf and for his family.
We're sorry the news isn't better, but we're not giving up on him. And we pray that none of you will give up on him either.
As of now, please do not send cards or letters because we don't have an address and we don't know whether that would just annoy him.
If he doesn't change his mind, he will die alone. That's the bottom line. There's no sugar-coating it.
By the way, thank you to everyone that has bumped this thread throughout the weeks and for those that have sent FReepmails to me. I have read them, but due to a lack of time and family activities--I have been unable to answer individually. Please know that I've read them and my apologies for not getting back to you. Thank you for your prayers, thoughts, and well wishes.
If he doesn't change his mind, he will die alone. That's the bottom line. There's no sugar-coating it.
That's the saddest thing I've read in quite a while.
He may be thinking he's sparing people who love him the pain of seeing him go.
But no one should die alone.
Continued Prayers.
My sincerest prayer that God's will be done. May God comfort Brian, his family and all who are concerned. Dear Lord show mercy and give grace to all.
I can barely read this, it's that sad. I hope he at least changes his mind and allows his loved ones to be with him as he passes.
It was difficult to read your message. Where it not for my faith, there would be an overwhelming sense of helplessness and anger. God be with us all.
Continued prayers for Mr. Tonkin and his family. Thanks for your update, as difficult as it is for you, MoJo.
Prayers for Tonk, and all his family and friends. We'll always have you in our hearts, buddy.
Prayers for a great homecoming for Tonk and for understanding and comfort for his family and many friends.
Because of work I haven't been able to keep up with FR as much as I wish.
This comes as quite a shock to me personally; I was expecting positive developments; I am taken back to the 4 long months I spent incapacitated in hospitals during 2004-2005, with all the surgeries,tests,needles,fevers and rampant infections.
The feeling of despair that I would never get well and live a normal life again. And maybe it would just be better to give up and go to sleep and never wake up..
Saturday night prayer for Brian that he not give up!
http://www.freerepublic.com/~6869tonkingulfyachtc/
Gracious God, please bless this dear man and all those who care about him, and may Your powerful healing restore him even in this late hour. We confess that nothing is too difficult for you. In the Name of Jesus who even raised his dear friend, Lazarus from the dead, Amen.
Prayers continue for our Tonk.
Prayers for you as well. This news has to be devastating for you.
What sad news!
But we know that 'With God.....All things are possible'.
So we will continue to pray that Brian will let those who love him comfort and express their love for him.
Thanks for letting us know. Prays also for his family and for you during this very difficult time.
Continuing to pray for Tonk. Praying for you too, Mojo.
I just got finished watching "It's A Wonderful Life" and now I have had to read this through fog.
Maybe they should play that movie and make him watch it.
His wishes must be repected as long as his mind is capable of making those decisions. It may not be pleasant to those around him, but it is what he wants. I hope my wishes are respected when it comes to be my time.
Sad to hear. Prayers for a miracle here... hopefully they will get through.
Father God, I am asking for Your will regarding my friend Brian. If he is to stand in Your presence, let it be easy for him. I am asking for Your intervention Father to save Brian from Death. Speak to him Father. Save him. In Jesus' precious name I pray, Amen.
Logan's Prayer Warriors, if there was ever a need for prayer, it is now. Please read MoJo's post #2841.
Oh Dear Father in Heaven, heal this good man. Please Lord, soften his heart to YOUR will...We love him so. In Your Holy Name...Amen.
Prayers that God's will be done. Not Tonk's. Not mine. Not ours.
God's will.
Very sad.
Prayers for Tonkin.
Prayers for his family.
May he soon find out about his Coast Guard honor.