Anything Goes

PRESBYTERIAN
But we were good boys...we didn't break the Sabbath often enough to signify--once a week perhaps... Anyway, we were good Presbyterian boys when the weather was doubtful; when it was fair, we did wander a little from the fold.
- Mark Twain's "Sixty-Seventh Birthday" speech

Presbyterianism without infant damnation would be like the dog on the train that couldn't be identified because it had lost its tag.
- Mark Twain, a Biography

It has taken a weary long time to persuade American Presbyterians to give up infant damnation and try to bear it the best they can.
- "Is Shakespeare Dead?"

I was educated, I was trained, I was a Presbyterian and I knew how these things are done. I knew that in Biblical times if a man committed a sin the extermination of the whole surrounding nation--cattle and all--was likely to happen. I knew that Providence was not particular about the rest, so that He got somebody connected with the one He was after.
- Autobiography of Mark Twain

Mine was a trained Presbyterian conscience and knew but the one duty--to hunt and harry its slave upon all pretexts and on all occasions, particularly when there was no sense nor reason in it.
- Autobiography of Mark Twain

The heaven and hell of the wildcat religions are vague and ill-defined but there is nothing mixed about the Presbyterian heaven and hell. The Presbyterian hell is all misery; the heaven all happiness- nothing to do. But when a man dies on a wildcat basis, he will never rightly know hereafter which department he is in--but he will think he is in hell anyhow, no matter which place he goes to; because in the good place the pro-gress, pro-gress, pro-gress--study, study, study, all the time--and it this isn't hell I don't know what is; and in the bad place he will be worried by remorse of conscience. Their bad place is preferable, though, because eternity is long, and before a man got half through it he would forget what it was he had been so sorry about. Naturally he would then become cheerful again; but the party who went to heaven would go on progressing and progressing, and studying and studying until he would finally get discouraged and wish he were in hell, where wouldn't require such a splendid education.
- "Reflections on the Sabbath"

I do not take any credit to my better-balanced head because I never went crazy on Presbyterianism. We go too slow for that. You never see us ranting and shouting and tearing up the ground, You never heard of a Presbyterian going crazy on religion. Notice us, and you will see how we do. We get up of a Sunday morning and put on the best harness we have got and trip cheerfully down town; we subside into solemnity and enter the church; we stand up and duck our heads and bear down on a hymn book propped on the pew in front when the minister prays; we stand up again while our hired choir are singing, and look in the hymn book and check off the verses to see that they don't shirk any of the stanzas; we sit silent and grave while the minister is preaching, and count the waterfalls and bonnets furtively, and catch flies; we grab our hats and bonnets when the benediction is begun; when it is finished, we shove, so to speak. No frenzy, no fanaticism--no skirmishing; everything perfectly serene. You never see any of us Presbyterians getting in a sweat about religion and trying to massacre the neighbors. Let us all be content with the tried and safe old regular religions, and take no chances on wildcat.
- "The New Wildcat Religion"
MARK TWAIN

I just want to point out that the denomination which the article discusses is the PCUSA (heretical) branch and not the Orthodox, Reformed, Associate Reformed, or the Presbyterian Church in America.

I really wish the PCUSA would change their name to something more reflective of what they believe, whatever that is.

Turn out the lights. The real and great Presbyterians are passing from us as time moves forward, just as the WW11 generation in leaving us.
When their endowments are squandered and the pews are completely empty a great and noble idea will have passed from the earth.
Like the Shakers, Presbyterians will become a footnote. Unlike the Shakers it will be noted they bred with too many liberals and watered themselves out of existence.

I really wish the PCUSA would change their name to something more reflective of what they believe

How about the Liberal Demorat Loonies of ACLU. The LDL of the ACLU. Fat with contradictions, lies and unabashed self serving horse sh%t, just for starters.

Presbyterians bred too to many liberals.
I have two sisters, raised Baptist in a very conservative family. They both married liberals and started going to the PCUSA Presbyterian church. I can't believe the ideology they both now poses and, it isn't so much the church as it is their liberal husbands.
I myself attended a Presbyterian Church and enjoyed it very much. Very old stream doctrine, conservative and well framed people.
When the PCUSA became so liberal the people wanted away from the PCUSA but, found the PCUSA holds the deed to their property.
In my affiliation with the Presbyterians I met many conservative ministers, and often wondered why they still were associated with the PCUSA and, someone ask me if I knew of their retirement for their ministers, of which I had to reply, no. It's a good retirement but, if they were true men of God they would sacrifice this to keep the word of God pure.
As stated in the above article, the Presbyterian church is rapidly falling to the way side because of its liberal stance pushed by the leadership of the PCUSA, which I no longer attend and, would advise no one who is a true believer to attend any church connected with the PCUSA.
There are Presbyterian Church's that are still conservative
and, they are wonderful people to worship with.

Everything you say sounds like my own experiences. The ministers I have had deals with over the past few years have been completely compromised by the organization. It's a lost cause that as you say holds the deeds.