Posted on 08/24/2006 1:37:06 PM PDT by Tzimisce
Mohammed is best known for founding Islam. What is less known is that his entire philosophy is rooted in Western Liberalism as it is practiced in the modern day.
Mohammed was born to a poor, non influential family sometime around 570 AD. When he turned 25 (like John Kerry and other other human lampreys that comprise the modern day elite) he entered the service of a rich widow and occasionally accompanied an Uncle on trips to Syria and Southern Saudi Arabia where he learned such things as Peace and Justice (cause even back then, these places were on the cutting edge of such things.) Of course like most college students, he really didn't like working and wanted more time to "find himself". Thus he got himself a cushy job in the family business as a shepard to spend more time in "quiet contemplation" by himself in the wilderness. And here, like most dope smoking college kids he had his first talk with god.
Some time later, (like any other good leftist) he married his employer thus making him a wealthy man. He immediately bought slaves and continued a caravan trade to Mecca. With his new found inspiration, he denounced the Meccan culture at the time. It seems that the ignorant Meccans were too attached to their religion and lifestyle. Mohammed's followers (who could have been right out of the ACLU) began to take action to try and change the system which arrogantly wouldn't let them be in charge.
Naturally the people of Mecca (like the modern day American electorate) were in ignorant bliss of their unhappiness. So Mohammed and his followers did what any other good temper tantrum throwing libs do: they left the country for more "open minded" places. In this case, Medina. Now Medina was the France of Arabia at the time. They saw Mohammed's wisdom (and wealthy family) and immediately put him in charge.
But back in Mecca the intolerant people there still wouldn't let the Muslims rule. The Islamists tried to get reasonable "Hate Speech" laws passed, by the ingnorant ruling class which had become infected with Jews like Joe Lieberman wouldn't have it. Mohammed (wanting nothing more than simple fairness) then went on to conquer the city, peacefully giving mercy to all that still opposed him with beheadings. He then married Aisha, a Jewish girl (who 9 to 16 years old depending on who you ask) to shore up pedophile vote, because Mohammed realized even back then that pedophiles are simply misunderstood.
So as you can see, Mohammed was truly a liberal ahead of time. If only more people had seen the truth of his words back then, we would have a great utopia today. So think about that when you go vote this fall - how far we could go if we put libs in charge today. And remember that Mohammed would be an open minded, non judgmental, non biased, non partisan Liberal Democrat.
Jeremy Meister graduated with a Bachelor's degree in History from the University of Nebraska at Lincoln in 1998 and a Bachelor's degree in Media Production from Missouri State University at Springfield in 2005. He is also a film director, producer and author of over six feature length screenplays including 'Hollow Dogs' and 'Epic: the Flames of Summer', as well as owning his own film company LWC Productions. Jeremy is the former host and producer of the Conservative internet radio program "The Tzimisce Show". Contact him at LWC_Productions@hotmail.com or at http://www.myspace.com/tzimiscechi.
Jean Francis Kerry (pronounced in heavy 'frog' accent)
The more I learn about the founder of this "religion" the sicker he and it seem.
Good job Jeremy.
Jeremy, you might want to change your name, move and have someone bring your meals in, for the next 10-15 years. If you don't, expect some dirty, grubby subhumans in filthy nightshirts at your door with large, rusty knives, which are not for cutting that pizza you just ordered-in.
Viewing the entire history of the world via the prism of modern American politics is an exercise in mental impoverishment.
Would you care to elaborate?
Lock and load works too.
Early and often.
While some of whay you say is correct, there are enough errors there to have the libs going to town on the whole piece. I strongly recommend Prophet of Doom, available as a free download at http://www.prophetofdoom.net
Actually, I had to do some research into the Biography of Mohammed for that joke piece. You should give me more credit.
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