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Oilman Bush has gas in background
The Boston Herald ^ | 8/24/06 | by Margery Eagan

Posted on 08/24/2006 1:01:26 PM PDT by metesky

Oilman Bush has gas in background
By Margery Eagan
Boston Herald Columnist

Thursday, August 24, 2006 - Updated: 02:19 AM EST

Maybe if Iraq were going better, I’d chalk this up to some cowboy thing.“Blazing Saddles Does D.C.”
    As it is, I worry that the supposed leader of the free world is trapped in the body of a 7-year-old and hiding a Whoopie Cushion under his bed.
    Has Dubya lost it?
    Anyway, here’s the news, such as it is. U.S. New & World Reports’ Paul Bedard says our commander in chief “loves flatulence jokes . . . can’t get enough of fart jokes. He’s also known to cut a few for laughs, especially when greeting new young aides.”
     In an interview yesterday, Bedard, who writes “Washington Whispers” for the weekly newsmagazine, also said he’s heard about Bush’s full-salute “Austin Greeting.” That’s when new aides come in for their “meet and greet.”
     “Word is,” says Bedard, “he likes to gas a couple, and then bring the aide in and see what the kid’s face looks like.”
    Naturally, the aide can’t accuse the President or grimace or hold his nose. This dilemma apparently drives the presidential funny bone wild.
    So does this mean our president farts on command?
    “It’s all in what you eat, I guess . . . beans, nachos,” Bedard told me yesterday.
    Does he do this with Cheney, Rummy and Rove?
    “You mean the old farts?” says Bedard. “I like to think so.”
    OK, almost no one I talked to yesterday shared my reaction to all this, which is, gross, gross, gross. Can you even envision Mitt Romney? John Kerry? Te-ray-za?
    Imagine the scene with Bush. Some nervous, excited and unsuspecting 25-year-old - male, let’s hope - is about to shake hands with the most powerful man on earth, and then, well, George makes his own unique contribution to global warming.
     As for the scene with Cheney et. al? Oh, banish it from the brain!
     Yet most everybody else said this reveals George as a regular guy.
    Then they made jokes. “Dyslexia rears its ugly head,” said Becky Swope. “He’s not a frat boy!”
    “He’s just ringing the Taco Bell!” said Jeff, who owns a pet store in Salem and didn’t want his last name used, for obvious reasons.
    We’ll protect, too, my sober, downtown law firm friend Stephen, lest he get fired: “As a new young intern in the White House, which would you rather have the president say, ‘Pull my finger,’ or ‘Have a cigar?’ ”
    That’s my point. Gross.
    So too the bodily habits of previous presidents, most notably Lyndon Johnson, who scratched his crotch at Cabinet meetings, held other meetings while sitting on the toilet and pulled up his shirt to display an ample stomach surgery scar.
    I did not know this until yesterday. (I wish I still didn’t know it.) Harry Truman publicly belched and passed gas. Bess, how could you allow it!
    But when you add up all Dubya’s shenanigans, he’s already beaten his predecessors by a Texas mile. Just last month he sneak-attacked German chancellor Angela Merkel, delivering an unwanted neck and back rub in the midst of the staid Group of Eight Summit.
    Every time he’s close to bald-head strangers, he starts rubbing their head. What’s that about? He’s big into “noogies” as well.
    Maybe this is a gender thing. Several men, but no women, told me they remember sitting around with buddies having loudest bodily function contests when they were young. The key word there, however, is “young.”
    But this latest leak from the Bush White House does explain a lot, doesn’t it? All those furrowed brows and deer-in-the-headlights pauses in his speeches and press conferences. And that devilish litle laugh.
    Now we know: something else could be going on there. I’ll never look at George again without wondering.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: pullmyfinger
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Margery Eagan takes a deep breath...
1 posted on 08/24/2006 1:01:27 PM PDT by metesky
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To: metesky

There's an echo in here...


2 posted on 08/24/2006 1:02:41 PM PDT by kinoxi
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To: metesky

Not only is W a dummy, he's into locker room humor too!!

Egads, have these dullards gone round the bend or what?


3 posted on 08/24/2006 1:03:34 PM PDT by Al Gator (Refusing to "stoop to your enemy's level", gets you cut off at the knees.)
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To: metesky
our commander in chief “loves flatulence jokes"

Who doesn't?

4 posted on 08/24/2006 1:03:58 PM PDT by Lekker 1 (("Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau" - I. Fisher, Yale Econ Prof, 1929))
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To: kinoxi

W stepped on a duck.


5 posted on 08/24/2006 1:05:00 PM PDT by metesky ("Brethren, leave us go amongst them." Rev. Capt. Samuel Johnston Clayton - Ward Bond- The Searchers)
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To: Lekker 1

Bill Cosby has more of them than anyone else!

LLS


6 posted on 08/24/2006 1:05:36 PM PDT by LibLieSlayer (Preserve America... kill terrorists... destroy dims!)
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To: Lekker 1

My wife has been telling me, "Now cut that out!", for forty years.


7 posted on 08/24/2006 1:06:17 PM PDT by metesky ("Brethren, leave us go amongst them." Rev. Capt. Samuel Johnston Clayton - Ward Bond- The Searchers)
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To: metesky

Makes me admire Bush even more! A good sense of humor.

Don't light a match! :)


8 posted on 08/24/2006 1:06:31 PM PDT by cvq3842
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To: metesky

Filing next to the hurricane machine story.


9 posted on 08/24/2006 1:06:59 PM PDT by SaxxonWoods (Free Iran! WARNING! Forbidden Cartoon: .. . *-O(( :-{>. . . .)
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To: metesky

Well, dang. Those bean burritos do come back to haunt you!.......


10 posted on 08/24/2006 1:07:22 PM PDT by Red Badger (Is Castro dead yet?........)
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To: cvq3842
Makes me admire Bush even more! A good sense of humor.

I'm with ya, cvq. I couldn't believe no one posted this before.

11 posted on 08/24/2006 1:09:55 PM PDT by metesky ("Brethren, leave us go amongst them." Rev. Capt. Samuel Johnston Clayton - Ward Bond- The Searchers)
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To: metesky

What mary does not understand is that almost all men like fart jokes.
Lockerroom humor is what sets us apart from the animals. That and the ability to weasel out of things.


12 posted on 08/24/2006 1:10:00 PM PDT by Holicheese (MMMMM fried clams.)
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To: metesky

Well, Molly Ivins doesn't have to feel lonely. Now there are two highly-paid utter moonbat twits getting regular exposure in a 'major news outlet'.


13 posted on 08/24/2006 1:10:51 PM PDT by BelegStrongbow (www.stjosephssanford.org)
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To: cvq3842

This tickles me, too.

As does the thought of George saying this to Ms. Eagan or whatever her name is...

"Hey Margery! Let me curl the hair on the back of your neck!"


14 posted on 08/24/2006 1:11:11 PM PDT by Dinah Lord (fighting the Islamic Jihad - one keystroke at a time...)
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To: metesky

Thailand?


15 posted on 08/24/2006 1:11:47 PM PDT by day10 (Whenever you come near the human race, there's layers and layers of nonsense.)
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To: metesky

This is a sure sign that things are going better for the President lately.


16 posted on 08/24/2006 1:12:42 PM PDT by SaxxonWoods (Free Iran! WARNING! Forbidden Cartoon: .. . *-O(( :-{>. . . .)
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To: metesky

What Mary needs is to be stuck in an elevator!


17 posted on 08/24/2006 1:13:00 PM PDT by INSENSITIVE GUY
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To: day10

There is nothing quite like good hard-hitting journalism


18 posted on 08/24/2006 1:13:58 PM PDT by AppyPappy (If you aren't part of the solution, there is good money to be made prolonging the problem.)
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To: INSENSITIVE GUY

Going u...Arrrrggggg!


19 posted on 08/24/2006 1:16:37 PM PDT by metesky ("Brethren, leave us go amongst them." Rev. Capt. Samuel Johnston Clayton - Ward Bond- The Searchers)
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To: metesky
This is a satire about water-cooler gossip, right? For it to be written as an actual journalistic endeavor speaks volumes about the decline of journalism.
20 posted on 08/24/2006 1:16:45 PM PDT by crazyhorse691 (Diplomacy doesn't work when seagulls rain on your parade. A shotgun and umbrella does.)
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