ALL EYES ON 'SNL' - AGAIN: AUDITIONS NEXT WEEK

New York Post ^ | August 22, 2006 | DON KAPLAN

[lormand]

August 22, 2006 -- WHAT's going on be hind the scenes at "Saturday Night Live" this month may be more dramatic than any thing you'll see on the two prime-time shows starting this fall based on the famed late-night comedy.

[jdm]

This is a favorite too.

Steve Martin: Hi, I'm Steve Martin. With so many celebrities endorsing cosmetics these days, I wanted to make sure the cosmetic I endorsed was very special. That's why I'm proud to put my name on.. Steve Martin's All-Natural Penis Beauty Cream.. New Formula. Try my new beauty cream, and in a matter of weeks your penis will be looking smoother and softer, the way women like it. And because of the new formula no more scaling. Here's how it works:

Just take a small amount and rub gently on the penis for several minutes up to a half-hour. You'll notice a difference right away. And, don't worry, a slight discoloration is normal. Bob, tell us, how has my Steve Martin's All-Natural Penis Beauty Cream New Formula helped you?

Bob Hillets: Well, Steve, I'm in real estate, and if I'm not confident, I can't do my job.

Steve Martin: And you can't feel confident unless your manhood is smooth and soft, right?

Bob Hillets: Exactly! If I'm thinking about my appearance, I'm not thinking about selling houses. The day I started using Steve's cream, I sold three houses. Now, I have more energy than before, my confidence is sky-high, I just got my pilot's license, and next week I'm flying solo from L.A. to Tahoe with nothing onboard except two jars of your cream.

Steve Martin: That's great!

Bob Hillets: Well, the best part, Steve, is that now I can throw away all those cans of turtle wax.

Steve Martin: Our next guest actually started using my new cream by accident. Isn't that right, Dave?

Dave Marcus: That's right, Steve. I thought it was for something else.

Steve Martin: And now that you've been using the product, how have you found it?

Dave Marcus: Well, Steve.. I've found I have a lovelier, more luxurious, softer penis than I ever had with other beauty creams, probably because it's the first beauty lotion made especially for the johnson. I'll tell you - if I could afford it, I would use your cream 24 hours a day.

Steve Martin: And, is your wife more attracted to you now that you've been using my cream?

Dave Marcus: Well, Steve, my wife recently left me, But before she did, she told me, "I hope you and your Steve Martin's Beauty Cream will be very happy.

Steve Martin: Well, that's a lovely tribute! Thank you, Dave. Steve Martin's All-Natural Penis Beauty Cream.. New Formula. You know it's safe. Why? Because it's tested on animals. And, if you order by mail, don't worry - it's shipped in a plain brown wrapper with the words "Not Penis Cream" stamped all over it in big red letters. So pick up a jar today, and remember, it's the only cream with a picture of my penis on it!

[ fade ]

[Kewlhand`tek]

snl is still on?
I wouldnt blame tina fey, its sucked for years.
when they do a funny skit its funny for like 2 minutes, they dragg it out for 5, then they think well it was good idea lets make it a recurring skit for 10 epiosode....ugh. the old good stuff rarely "reoccured a skit" back with bulshi,martin,murphy,murray good stuff

[TankerKC]

And all of the Tina-bashers on this thread probably think the same thing.

uh...I do.

[finnigan2]

"I may start watching again."

- I read that the cast members of SNL are responsible for developing their own skits between shows. All the early (and best) performers, have remarked on the stress that was involved in having to come up with something funny in less than seven days, week in and week out. This may be why heavy drug use was commonplace as they sought "inspiration" and why more than a few of them wound up in the morgue.
The amazing aspect of the current SNL is the cast, which is supposed to be the creme de la creme of a nationwide talent hunt for the brightest and best keeps coming up with duds, whose idea of a skit is to hit the punch line in the first minute and just keep hammering it until the next commercial mercifully puts them out of their misery. These skits have no beginning, middle and end but are just an extended scene playing off a one line joke.
If they chance to hit upon a mildly amusing character (such as Schneider's copy boy) they're off to Hollywood to become the next Jerry Lewis.
SNL has become merely a publicity stepping stone for mediocre talent on their way to what they think will be super-stardom.

[Tanniker Smith]

I was just telling someone about this! It isn't on youtube yet, but this is (with Stewart's voice):

Star Blazers Meets Love Boat (w/ Patrick Stewart) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRemPJnR-70

It's a pity that the rest of that episode just totally wasted Stewart's talent.

[Ragtop]

I agree. The sexy cakes skit got real old real fast. However, Patrick Stewart saying, "Sexy, isn't it?" was funny. But it just got old.

[Politicalmom]

You are so right. No Jack=No Stargate.

[dfwgator]

Best MAD TV Skit, ever

[Steve_Seattle]

"put a bag over her head and do your business"

[Tanniker Smith]

When I want to hear Stewart's voice, (usually around the holidays, of course), I'll pop in the audiobook of "A Christmas Carol". It's actually his one-man show, not an audiobook.

[Steve_Seattle]

"All the early (and best) performers, have remarked on the stress that was involved in having to come up with something funny in less than seven days, week in and week out."

That's probably why - even in the glory years - there were some really awful skits, and other skits that didn't really have an ending, so the band just started playing and they'd cut to a commercial. I used to write comedy skits for our office Christmas party - and they were pretty good, people from other departments would show up to watch - but I can't imagine writing funny stuff week in and week out.

[Ragtop]

He started acting by doing Shakespeare. It would have been really cool to see him playing MacBeth. Too bad he hasn't been in a lot of movies, he really is a great actor.

[dfwgator]

Jeopardy with Sean Connery was a funny skit.

[retrokitten]

LMAO!!

[Tanniker Smith]

Sean Connery was funny. Everyone else was stupid. Except Norm McDonald as Burt Reynolds -- he didn't play him stupid, he played him as not giving a sh*t, kind of like Burt probably would've.

[Ditter]

Tina Fey GONE! Fantastic! I have been a reliable SNL watcher since the beginning but I have all but stopped watching because of Tina Fey and the Bush bashing she does.

Hey Seth Meyers, cool it with Bush bashing and I will be back. That doesn't mean you can't make fun of him, just make fun of the other side too.

[gcruse]

I love Amy. I was impressed by her before she was on SNL. For that matter, Tina Fey is a good comedy writer. I was surprised to see her bashed on this thread the way she was.

[Steve_Seattle]

"The amazing aspect of the current SNL is the cast, which is supposed to be the creme de la creme of a nationwide talent hunt for the brightest and best keeps coming up with duds . . . "

Yes, it is depressing if these people really are the cream of the crop. As for the movie angle, it's unfortunately true that SNL has always been a stepping stone to the movies. That's where the big money is, even if the products are often mediocre at best. The movies enabled a mediocre talent like Chevy Chase to become a very wealthy man.

[Hildy]

Amy Poehler is just plain funny. She's funny when she does nothing.

[Gaffer]

Well, I think SG-1 has gotten a little bit stale over the years. If I were in charge I'd opt out the story line sometime in the near future where SGC's operation (as with most long term government operations) is contracted out to sub contractors with a minimal government oversight presence. Think of the screwups and funny situations you could have with an SGC low-bidder crew!!!!