MODERN MANNERS (Offering a Woman a Seat Is 'Creepy,' According to GQ)

New York Post ^ | August 18, 2006 | Liz Smith

[nickcarraway]

'WOMEN ARE equals now. They can fend for themselves. To offer a perfectly healthy woman a seat simply because she is a woman, however well-intentioned, is creepy. At best, she'll think you're from another country; at worst she'll feel old, or overweight enough to be perceived as pregnant."

And that is a lesson in modern manners, according to the new issue of GQ (with Clive Owen on the cover). Glenn O'Brien and other GQ scribes weigh in on e-mails, cellphones, gym etiquette, dressing for travel, how to handle chatty seatmates, sleeping with your friend's ex, online dating, wedding gifts and how to treat gay people: "Gay people don't want to freshen up the world, they just want to be a part of it." (So don't ask for makeovers and fashion tips.)

Oh, but you certainly should open doors for women: "Why? To be nice, you mannerless ape!"

[RosieCotton]

People should be chivalrous to each other, not just men to women!

Good point. Good old-fashioned respect and consideration for others gets dropped by the wayside all too often anymore, and that goes both ways.

[gidget7]

Visit Northampton sometime. Guys get reamed out or at least get dirty looks for displaying manners. The only thing more taboo is to give compliments.

[OldArmy52]

Yep, I dated "white" women.
The experience taught me much.
Lesson learned, I went to China and married a small farming village young woman, and brought her back.
One of my better decisions.
Traditional family values oriented women seem far more common in the "3rd World" that in the USA.

[HairOfTheDog]

Upon exiting an elevator, allow the woman/women to exit first, no matter what their order of entry was into the elevator. If they are at the back of the elevator, stand to the side. Block the door open with your arm, if necessary.

I've done this for whoever was in the elevator with me, I don't see this as a gender based courtesy either. Both people in an elevator, or arriving at a doorway, should attempt to defer to the other. If it's then offered for you to go first, then accept it and go! It's like the courtesy grab for the check at a meal with a friend. Everyone should do this.

[boss man]

Two experiences come to me. Like most southern men, I was reared to hold doors open, give up seats, etc.

25 years ago, I'm walking into a pizza joint. I'm in my early 20's. A woman in her late 20's is coming up behind me, so I stand to the side and hold the door open for her.

She gives me a smirk as she walks in and says in a loud sarcastic voice for the other patrons to hear "You don't have to hold the door for me because I'm a lady."

I immediately respond "I didn't and you're not. I did it because I am a gentleman."

Several diners broke out laughing as she turned red.

Fast forward to this past summer. I am visiting SFO and riding BART to a Giants game. I get a seat but the car becomes packed with people.

I offer one lady (late 40's, white, professional dress, on the way home from her office job) my seat. She glares at me and shakes her head no. At the next stop, more people get on, including a lady (40-ish, black, and tired looking). I extend her the same offer and she takes it with surprise.

I can hear whispers and feel other riders staring in disbelief as I surrender my seat to her. I suppose it is a rare spectacle on BART. I did notice several men who simply would not make any move to give up their seat. This crossed age, racial, and economic boundaries. It literally was first come, first served.

Courtesy and manners can be extended at almost any time from real gentlemen. However, as indicated by my first example, women should NOT expect us to stand there and take their smug/caustic remarks insulting our manners.

[Eaker]

Remember the last time we were at the top of a staircase and I pushed you down first before I came tumbling after?

Texas manners there!



Or coulda' been the beer.......

[HANG THE EXPENSE]

i guess the feminazis would not want you to catch the for them.Ladies would.take that satchel asses.

[Centurion2000]

'WOMEN ARE equals now. They can fend for themselves. To offer a perfectly healthy woman a seat simply because she is a woman, however well-intentioned, is creepy.

Did this exact thing yesterday to a young chinese woman in a class. She declined, but very politely and had a smile on her face for the rest of the class.

[SFC Chromey]

I like the manners in Texas; it reminds me of California back in the '60s. The 1860s, that is.

---

Yeah, I think I would have fit in a bit better back then...

[RikaStrom]

I've never known a woman alive who thinks that good maners is creepy.

Agreed. I always thank a man for holding a door or chair for me. I like manners in a man.

Well actually, I like manner in everyone. I wish they would go back to teaching it in the schools. The things people do now days are frightening.

(sigh) I think I am turning into a fuddy duddy.

[HairOfTheDog]

Good point. Good old-fashioned respect and consideration for others gets dropped by the wayside all too often anymore, and that goes both ways.

I agree with that. To me, all these courtesies should be offered to everyone, I think for women to stand in front of a door like she doesn't have arms is just plain silly. If she gets there first, then open the door and hold it if there's someone else coming. Men should do the same! It's ~manners~. Saying 'women can fend for themselves' is not the point. The better way to live is 'we should all be courteous, and women now can return the favor to a gentleman.'

[Beckwith]

I would gladly give my seat to a pregnant woman, the elderly, disabled or injured.

I would never give my seat to a healthy woman. They fought too hard to be equal and I respect that equality.

[steve-b]

It was the station door at Pentagon City.

You mean a normal swinging-type door outside the station?

If so, [ EMILY LATELLA ] Never Mind [ /EMILY LATELLA ].

[sam_paine]

I've never known a woman alive who thinks that good maners is creepy.

Ever been to California? I've seen it happen. A woman recoiled at a post office, "What? I don't look strong enough to open a door for myself?"

Angry twit, sure. But they ARE out there, and they are gaining.

[Chena]

What a bunch of feminist nonsense! Gentlemen, please feel free to offer your seat to a woman, or open a door for her, if you so choose. Any woman who is offended by gentlemanly acts of kindness and common courtesy are just bitc....I mean, not very ladylike. ;)

[humblegunner]

Texan men excell at recongizing and respecting a woman's strength

Especially those Houston Texan Football dudes who exhibit "woman strength" at every game.

I understand they are playing Ms. Baker's 4th grade class next
week and the odds are the best they have been in a long time.

Especially since Miss Baker's class is wheelchair-bound. ;-)

David Carr has been involved in very specific training, I hear.. chocking wheelchairs of children.

[Onelifetogive]

Upon exiting an elevator, allow the woman/women to exit first, no matter what their order of entry was into the elevator.

I'm from Alabama, I didn't know there was any other way.....

Alternate post: "I'm from Alabama, what's an elevator?"

[sam_paine]

I have heard women lash out or suggest that the man's motives were less than respectable. Pathetic.

Very true. Thanks to the feminazis!

[gidget7]

Don't need to ask, it is MA!! LOL People here, in general, (not the conservative ones of course) are 100% devoid of manners. Any manners.

I go through culture shock when, after visiting my Mom in KY, (as I just did) I return to MA. Down there if the older people don't know you intimately they still call you "Miss" and then your first name. A lot of the south is still like that. Seems such a nice place to move to. Someday I definitely will!

[Nickname]

I've never considered an act of kindness or generosity as creepy.

But what do I know? I'm not a smartypants liberal.