Posted on 05/24/2006 11:52:22 AM PDT by guinness4strength
WASHINGTON - Unemployment soared to record highs recently, not because of lack of jobs, but lack of motivation to work. Such is the legacy of today's "Slacker Generation."
Andy Dandershaw, a self-described "free-thinker" still living with his parents at age 32, said he discovered his calling when Forest Gump said "Life is like a box of chocolates."
"It made a lot of sense, like something kicked down a door in my mind." Anderstone said, "Eating chocolates sure beats work. Forest is happy, and he can run real fast. What else do you need?"
Jeff Tamozzar, a computer engineer and scholar, said if only young people would realize the possibilities around them, they could move out of their stagnation.
"For instance, there's this invention called the World Wide Web that's been around for years. It can link computers everywhere in one big network, but nobody cares."
Tamozzar said it's up to the young people to "lead us into this new tech revolution. But unfortunately they're more interested in the next version of Nintendo or X-box."
When asked what young people could possibly do with this World Wide Web, or "www," Tamozzar offered a couple ideas.
"How about creating a search page where people could find vast amounts of info online? With so many computers linked, it would offer a googolplex of possibilities. They could call it Google for short," he said.
"Or how about a huge online store, you know, call it something that refers to the huge selection, like GiantStore, or Amazon," he continued.
"Just think how different and productive the world would be if young people developed these ideas back in the 1990's. Instead, my son spends his excessive freetime vegitating on the couch eating dry Count Chocula."
Tamozzar's son, 36-year-old Bill "the Kegerator" Tamozzar, said "Technology is cool, nobody's denying that, but why ruin a good thing by using it for work? Aren't we fulfilled enough with inventions like the Cartoon Channel, Playstation and HDTV?"
Perhaps the biggest shock to the younger generations came when the federal government announced the first draft since Vietnam.
Army Recruiting Officer Calvin Roothridge said he was shocked that no young people volunteered after the terrorism attack of 9-11.
"It's really sad that the young people today don't understand the new danger we are in. Back in my day, we came to the call of our country for honor and duty. But nobody today is enlisting, so we have to draft the lazy bums," he said.
"My main concern now is getting these soft-bodies through boot camp," Roothridge continued. "So far it's been a joke, people are coming up with all kinds of excuses to get out of service. Remember Klinger from MASH? Well imagine thousands of little Klingers running around cross-dressing and acting foolish, it's the most pathetic thing I've ever seen."
Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton recently weighed in on the subject. "Young people today think work is a four-letter word," she said.
The proof seems to be in the pudding, with no tech boom, record unemployment and a military draft underway.
It seems that Clinton, whose generation was known for sit-ins, protesting stuff and Woodstock, couldn't be more on target.
Standard What-If disclaimer: The preceding is pure fiction, and fiction is always more illuminating than fact.
"...but lack of motivation to work."
Hunger...a good motivating factor...
Then why is it posted in News?
It's posted under the humor category, and other What-ifs have appeared here in the past with no one ever asking that. "fiction is always more illuminating than fact."
I've been thinking on this for a long time, and it is clear to me that our education system stinks because there's no accountability....and I don't mean on the part of the teachers. The bigger question is when are the kids going to be held accountable?
I believe that taking the word "compulsory" out of the equation, and making that free schooling a privilege, an opportunity that one must work to keep would help to solve this problem.
Indeed, it would also free up a lots of uninterested kids to do the work we now think we need illegals to do.
Thinking about that, and they would, might actually motivate lots of them to work at education, work at learning, work at achieving something. Because if they didn't, they would get the boot.
...it's definitely posted under News/Activism... and not funny.
Great, here come the posters whose favorite activity is bashing GenX. Ready for their weekly romp of self rightousness. Those damned kids and their rock n roll music.
this is satire, a commentary on news (read the last few paragraphs especially).
look up the other "what-if" postings, posted in the same place, often called "very funny" but never pulled
some people are just too serious and prefer heavy-handed soapbox approaches to news rather than humor or parody, that's anyone's perogative
"Andy Dandershaw, a self-described "free-thinker" still living with his parents at age 32"
Free-thinker?, more like FREE LOADER!
As the satirical piece points out, young people are NOT slackers: they were responsible for the tech boom, there is no need for a draft, and unemployment is at record lows. It's making fun of Hillary's statement at the end
The people responsible for the tech boom are not "young people" and not part of the current slacker generation that hillary was talking about.
Generation X and Gen Y are both young people often called Slackers.
Gen X includes the founders of Google, Ebay and Amazon -- sorry but me thinks you might be a boomer ;-) at least you guys did woodstock though -- heehee
truth is Gen X implemented the Real Revolution, and it wasn't televised
oh yeah, Chelsea is in Gen X too, who was offended by Hillary's comment ... hmmm... that means....
The children now love luxury; they have bad manners,
> contempt for authority; they allow disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children now are tyrants,not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when eleders enter the room. They contradict their parents,chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.
Socrates
Every generation bad mouths the new one ....been goin on for centuries.
You rock! Couldn't have said it better. Also: Yes, Lake Shore Drive in Chi-town rules!!
Time to dump this dodo out of the nest. See if he learned any survival skills in his 32 years of free-thinking.
Very true. An excellent and impelling motivator. Fear is another good one for short-term results. Love is best for long-term ones.
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