Posted on 05/21/2006 11:55:33 AM PDT by Extremely Extreme Extremist
(CBS) CHICAGO It's a trend that some fear may have long-term consequences. More unmarried women over the age of 25 are not waiting for Mr. Right.
As CBS 2's Alita Guillen reports, these ladies are having children on their own.
The fantasy father at their fingertips is a sperm donor with all the right stuff.
Katherine Gehl and April Lashbrook had successful careers and dated, but they didn't have husbands. They heard their biological clocks ticking loudly.
"It was like a time bomb," April said.
"I need to go and have a baby and be a mother, and so I did," Katherine said.
Women used to depend on chemistry in the bedroom to conceive a child. Now, more and more women are turning to the lab and depending more on science than sex.
This twist on the mating game begins at a sperm bank, where donors can earn up to $900 a month.
"These guys are college students. This is a form of income," said California Cryobank Medical Director Dr. Cappy Rothman.
The sperm undergoes testing for diseases, genetic defects and blood type.
"Donor sperm, in many ways, is guaranteed good sperm," said Dr. Lauren Streicher, a gynecologist at Northwestern Memorial Hospital.
When April chose her donor in 2003, she got a long profile including a medical history and even written answers to questions.
"I knew immediately that was who I was going to choose," she said.
Now, many banks offer much more, including childhood photos and the donors' voices on CD.
Once chosen, the sperm remains frozen and stored until needed. Then it can be shipped anywhere.
While women can inseminate themselves at home, both April and Katherine used fertility specialists.
Many of these donors have already proven their fertility.
"It's an excellent way of getting pregnant because you usually have men who have confirmed pregnancy," said Dr. Brian Kaplan, a fertility specialist with Fertility Clinics of Illinois.
"We are creating a real potential disaster here," said Elizabeth Marquardt with New York City's Affiliate Scholar Institute for American Values.
Some critics are concerned that as this practice becomes more popular, and that with an unknown number of children from the same donor, that two of them might unknowingly hook up.
"In the future, we will have to have a DNA test with anyone we want to have sex with just to make sure we're not related to them," Marquardt said.
Many sperm banks say they try to limit pregnancies based on geographic area to reduce that risk. However, in a transient society, it may be hard to do.
Critics also worry how this might change the definition of family.
"As a society, we're saying fathers don't matter," Marquardt said.
Thirteen-year-old Liz Herzog, whose father is donor number 1002 from Virginia's Fairfax Cryobank, says she's happy with her life.
"I can't even say that once in a while I wish I had a father, because I don't," she said.
Through the Donor Sibling Registry Web site, she has discovered at least 10 half-sibling and has met seven, including Callie from Pennsylvania.
Liz's mother, Diana, thinks these newly forged relationships will last a lifetime.
"You can only hope that your child will be well-adjusted and happy enough when they grow up that they won't feel that they're missing too much," Diana Herzog said.
April's daughter, Julia, is now almost three years old.
"When she was born, it was just amazing," April said.
Katherine's daughter, Alexandra, is eight months old.
Both are enjoying every moment motherhood has to offer.
"It is so much greater than I had any idea," Katherine said.
April, Julia's mom, knows of six half-siblings so far.
All of the single moms we spoke with think the possibility of meeting and dating a half-sibling is very remote because they are very open or plan to be open with their children.
It is interesting to note that back when sperm banks first opened in the 1970s, it was all married couples seeking sperm donors. Doctors say those couples were more likely to keep it secret.
Both the women you mention - the one sleeping around and the one buying a kid - are part of the problem. But the one buying the sperm for her kid is worse, because she shouldn't be a mother. Period.
Let her get a dog. That's something she can't screw up much, and if she does, it doesn't matter.
Matrimony: optional. If so, you must be able to mud drywall, change oil, cool good BBQ, and change poopy diapers.
You say you grew up without a daddy. Well, it shows!
Too bad you didn't have one, then you wouldn't be playing this game of denial. Contrary to your statements, it has hurt you badly, as is evident in your posting. You so badly want your statement to be true, but it's not, and your position is an insult to daddies everywhere.
No mother can raise a child as well as a good father and mother can.
I say go it for lady and good luck to you!
I mean just how long are women supposed to wait for a man who can be a good husband and father just they can have children?
I have never met anyone wasn't selfish
Seriously -- I have. I have met completely unselfish people. And do you know what? They were deeply flawed in other ways.
But who are you to judge whether she would be a good mother? Do you not agree that there are women who are married who should not have had children? Do you think that b!tch in Texas who murdered her children was a better mother because she was married?
"You say you grew up without a daddy. Well, it shows!"
No, I said I grew up with a daddy in home. He was there, he just wasn't a positive role model as a father.
We all have our own personal perspectives to draw from.
Proving?
Please tell me, how many of us have lived in the 'best case scenario'?
And how does that excuse a woman from removing a child from the pool of possibilities at the 'best case scenario'?
You make it sound as if you do not live in the best case scenario...
Care to support that gratuitous assertion?
If so, you've just condemned half of freerepublic.
If so, why should that be of concern? I am either correct, or I am not. Who or how many agree is totally irrelevant.
Tell me, would you have more sympathy for a single woman who sleeps around, gets pregnant, and keeps her child (whether or not she can financially support it) than a single woman who makes a conscious decision to have a child she knows she can support and love?
Yes.
Sign me up -- it sounds like just the opportunity for someone like me who is cursed with tragically small genitalia...
And if you ask me her husband wasn't a positive role model as a father.
Why? He knew she was ill but constantly wanted her off her meds. She felt she shouldn't of had kids, but he kept insisting that she did.
And her husband was supposedly a good christian man. Okie dokie.
You can try and seek an ideal in everything, but sometimes it just ain't possible.
Yes.
That tells me all I need to know.
You're quite welcome.
I just try to call them as I see them.
This thread is really starting to seriously bother me.
Who am I to judge? I'm part of society, that's who.
Let's ask the question as it should be asked: Who are God, nature, and civilization to judge? That's what we're talking about.
There is a collective wisdom the world had before feminists in this country decided they knew better than all that. If a woman is too busy to get a baby the way nature intended, too busy to raise one properly, too busy to have a father in the baby's life - then she needs to get her tubes tied and never produce a child.
We already have too many kids with no daddy running around in this country. It's the number one root cause of problems in America.
One thing my wife and I have learned through the years, and by observing our divorced, single, family members is marriage makes one answerable to another human being in ways that nothing else does. Dismissing the skills learned by that experience is a foolish as the deaf dismissing the qualitative advantage enjoyed by the hearing.
Worth repeating
What do you know about love? How long have you been married to the same person? Have you been faithful to the same person for more than twenty years?
Answer those questions, then you can presume to scrutinize my statements.
You know, children are pretty smart and know when their parents don't love each other. Would you rather a child see that?
Do not conflate what you want with what children want.
Or have you never seen the reaction kids have to the notion of their parents "doing the nasty?"
There are just some areas on FR, particularly regarding some social concepts, that a sane person should avoid.
I, for one, agree with you. But this fight is hopeless.
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