Posted on 05/14/2006 9:17:44 AM PDT by butternut_squash_bisque
Your 5 year old kid getting pushed down by another 5 year old kid is NOT a police matter; talk to the other kid's parents, not the police
If your kid won't do his homework or do his chores, 911 is not the answer
If a cop causes a car accident we usually get a ticket, and sometimes we get suspended. When is the last time you got 3 days off (without pay) for rear-ending a guy at Wal-Mart?
If you think you can fan all the pot smoke out of the car before we smell it, good luck.
We know you've had more than two beers. When I've had two beers, I didn't hit six parked cars, drive my car through the front doors of a Toys-R-Us, pee my pants or pass out at a traffic light
When you see an emergency vehicle behind you with its lights and sirens on, pull to the RIGHT, and stop. We are usually required to pass cars on the left.
When you're driving in the fast lane and you see a cop behind you, don't go 5 MPH under the speed limit. We are not impressed by how safe of a driver you can be, we're trying to go help someone (or catch that guy in the SUV that just cut you off). Safely move over and let us pass please.
If you get a warning instead of a ticket from a motorcycle cop, go buy a lottery ticket, because you've already beaten the odds.
When you see an officer conducting a traffic stop, or with a suspect in handcuffs, it is generally not a good idea to approach him and ask for directions. If you do, don't expect the officer to be nice when he tells you to get lost, and don't expect the officer to take the time to explain.
Here's how to get out of a ticket. Don't break the law.
If you drive a piece of crap, that is why you're getting pulled over.
In one week I pulled over 10 cars for minor traffic violations. 5 out of 10 had no vehicle insurance. 3 out of 10 had suspended driver's licenses. 2 out of 10 had warrants. 1 out of 10 had felony warrants. 1 was a known sex offender with his 12 year old niece in the car without her mothers knowledge.
If you've just been pulled over doing 70 in a 35, do not greet the officer with "what seems to be the problem, officer."
We get coffee breaks too, and sometimes we run into stores and do some shopping during them.
When you're the victim of a burglary, take the time you spend waiting for the officer to find the model number and the serial number of the stuff that was taken.
Some cops are just jerks, but take heart in the fact that other cops don't like them either.
If it's nighttime and you're driving a vehicle with tinted windows and I pull you over, it's not because of your skin color. I usually can't tell if the vehicle even has a driver until the windows rolled down.
Every time you hear on the news about people running away from a c razed gunman, someone's son or daughter in a police uniform is running TOWARD that crazed gunman.
Yes, it's true, cops usually don't give other cops tickets. Think of it as an employee discount, perk or benefit. Other cops are family and you wouldn't give your brother a ticket if you were a cop either.
If your local police agency has a helicopter, everyone knows it's loud and annoying, but did you know it can cover the same area as 20 patrol officers and safely chase criminals that are driving 90 MPH through city streets. Many times the guy has no idea it's there and slows down
Police work is .. writing reports.
If you rob a gas station you're only going to get about $100, but I get to see a K9 dog use your arm as a chew toy. For all I care you can keep the $100.
In one year of patrol work in a large city, only about ten minutes would be cool enough to be on the television show Cops.
Every traffic stop could end in gunfire, but we have to be polite and professional until that time.
I've taken about the same amount of men and women to jail for domestic violence, so NO it's not always the man.
People love fire fighters.
If the light was yellow, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
Cops know you pay taxes and that your taxes pay cops' salaries. Cops also pay taxes, which also pay cops' salaries so, hey, this traffic stop is on me. Now sign here; press hard. There are four copies.
Uniformed Armed Tax Collector Humor
Very nice. Thanks for the laugh this morning...and thanks to all the police officers out there! We appreciate your efforts!
"I'm all out of empathy, but I've got some apathy if you need it." PING
ping.
Let's turn this thread into something special.
"Yes I do have the right to stand right next to you. (said just before she tried to walk away, tried to hit me, and got dumped.)
In case you haven't seen this,
For Mother's Day:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhcA4Ry65FU
Not long before that,Sonny Boy,a cop on the same force and the Police Chief's son,was charged with having used his girlfriend as a punching bag...but only after she raised holy hell in the local paper about no action having been taken on the police complaint she filed.
Sonny Boy went to court and got *zero* punishment.Sonny Boy was not suspended from the force for a single day,but *was* confined to desk duty for a couple of weeks (probably because,in Massachusetts,when you have charges pending against you for domestic violence you can't be in possesion of a firearm).There was never a single word uttered about Sonny Boy resigning his position on the Police force or about him being fired.
Absolutely *nothing* came of the accusations against Daddy Police Chief.The same story which first revealed the accusation quoted a town official as saying there was nothing to the accusation and that no investigation would take place...at any level of Town government.
Yes,most cops are basically decent.Yes,most police forces are respectable.But power *can* corrupt,and when you're in a rich left wing town,everything's just peachy as long as property values are skyrocketing and "the great unwashed" are kept out of town,except to mow the lawns.
Nothing like smart-assed cop humor to remind me why they get on my nerves. Grow up!
LOL...I read that at Officer.com a while ago. Still a good one
Actually that was my last arrest two nights ago.
OMG, that was way too funny and having three boys I can really relate. Thanks for sharing.
hahahahahahahahaha!
If the fines are included in the City Budget and they have goals and targets its a TAX
TT
>>If you drive a piece of crap, that is why you're getting pulled over.<<
Hopefully that is not true. I'm frugal with cars - they depreciate. I bought a decent house, though, its an investment.
>>I've taken about the same amount of men and women to jail for domestic violence, so NO it's not always the man.<<
That is hard to believe.
That is funny, and soooo true.
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