From gay to God

The Nation Newspaper (Barbados) ^ | April 30, 2006 | Melissa Wickham

[DBeers]

From gay to God

"I WAS EXCLUSIVELY HOMOSEXUAL; I had never been with a woman."

That's part of the riveting testimony of the Reverend Darryl Foster, a board member of Exodus Global Alliance – a Christian organisation made up largely of former-homosexuals who promote the message that "change is possible through the power of Jesus Christ".

The Texas, United States, native was one of the featured speakers at the just concluded three-day conference: Sex, Sexuality and Homosexuality: Engaging The Truth hosted by Project PROBE Ministries, at the Sherbourne Conference Centre.

Foster, 45, is now a heterosexual who confesses that the first and only woman he has ever been with sexually is his wife of 13 years.

They have five children together but prior to that he was a practising homosexual for 11 years and declares he has been "free" of that lifestyle for the past 16 years.

"I was extreme in terms of my feelings for men. I got to the point where I literally hated women; I had no uses for them.

"But I'm a miracle of God that He can take something so messed up and turn it around. That's the power of God!" he told the SUNDAY SUN.

He grew up in the small town of Marlin, Texas, in a deeply religious household of "hard-core Pentecostals".

There was no father figure around and, as a boy, he was molested by a male in his church. The molestation started when he was 13 years old and continued until he was 17.

But from the time Foster was 11 years of age, he was attracted to other boys. He didn't have a name for the strange feelings he was experiencing, but he knew he was different from other boys.

He kept these feelings to himself, fearing he would be ostracised. So, like a good Christian, he went on attending church, "shouting, dancing and speaking in tongues".

However, his feelings toward members of the same sex grew stronger. At that time, and sadly still, homosexuality wasn't widely discussed in the church.

"The one thing I find is that they [Pentecostals] and I can only talk about Pentecostals, don't address it. Nobody told me, this is how you deal with these feelings. All I was told was if you feel that way or if you are that way you are going to hell.

"I knew I didn't want to go to hell but I didn't know how to stop or get rid of what was going on inside of me. I was having thoughts that didn't go away after I prayed," explained the reverend.

It wasn't until college that Foster fully explored his feelings.

College life was filled with others who were actively involved in homosexuality. And soon enough, he too embraced that lifestyle.

It wasn't until many years later, when he had pursued all the sexual partners he wanted to pursue, that he felt an overwhelming dissatisfaction with his life.

It reached the point where he actually started to plan his suicide during the Easter of 1990. He felt alienated from the church, God and his family and didn't think his life was worth living.

"It was during that time of utter despair that the Lord came to me via a movie about the passion of Jesus Christ. I saw this scene with Him struggling with the cross, being battered by men, suffering and humiliated.

"In my own suffering, I became engrossed in His suffering. It was at that time I heard Christ say: 'I did this for you'. Something broke inside of me; something supernatural happened that made me say: 'God how could you love me when you know all I've done?'

"And He said to me, 'But I do love you". It was at that time I asked God to forgive me for all the years that I was rebellious against Him.

"That day, He forgave me, He saved me, He filled me with His spirit and I became a new creature in Christ – all at once. I walked away that day, and I've been walking further and further away every day since then," said an excited Foster.

The transformation from homosexual to heterosexual didn't happen overnight, however. It took time to resolve all the anger and emotions and the relationship issues he was carrying on the inside.

God, he explained, began to change him until he got a picture of who he was "not just as Darryl Foster but of who I was as God's son".

"When my spiritual identity started to come in place then I could see my path as a man much more clearly – not a broken man, not a man who was sexually attracted to other men, but a man who had a destiny with God and I began to follow that destiny," he said adding:

"A lot of things you do in the gay lifestyle are habitual. I had to literally 'unlearn' it. God re-oriented me. You have sexual orientation, sexual disorientation, and sexual re-orientation where God says this is the way you should go. That's the path I follow."

The reverend, who wrote a book on his life-changing experience entitled: Touching A Dead Man, doesn't subscribe to the belief that homosexuals are genetically programmed that way.

He believes it is a choice one makes and just as drug addicts and alcoholics can overcome their addictions, so can homosexuals, with the help of God.

In 1996 he co-founded with his wife an outreach ministry called 'WITNESS' particularly geared towards helping men and women of colour who find themselves in "unwanted" homosexuality.

It is not for the homosexual who wants to remain a homosexual, but it is for those who have decided: "God, I need help. I don't want to be this way".

He says he has seen the lives of hundreds of people – most of whom have grown up in the church" transformed through this ministry.

And whereas the church had an excuse in the past for not dealing with the issue of homosexuality, Foster said it didn't have one anymore.

"There is a lot more openness now. I don't blame the church for my choices. But now God has given them more revelation, I don't think the church has an excuse to say: 'We don't know'.

"We (Exodus Global Alliance) are here to say to people: 'Here is what God wants you to know about all of these people who are in your churches serving, sometimes in high positions, but who are torn up. What we are doing here is planting a seed and, hopefully, there will be someone to water it," he said.

[Labyrinthos]

How many homosexuals were molested as children by other homosexuals? I would really like to see a study done on that.

How many lesbians were molested by heterosexual men? I would really like to see a study done on that.

[The Red Zone]

On the other hand there is something to be said about judging by FRUITS.

Someone is probably going to make a cheap pun at your expense, but this is correct.

Many biblical maxims need to be seen in context to make sense. It seems to make more sense that Paul was not preaching that Christians should be ignorant of evils that press themselves upon Christians, but rather was discouraging curiosity seeking. Like "hey, we want to see what is happening in the idol temple across town, the one that never bothers us, just because it would be cool." That would be a no-no, but Paul himself preached a wonderful sermon to idolaters on Mars Hill based on what he already knew about that. Much more than "hey, just don't do it and all will be okay."

[AnalogReigns]

I don't hear any blame on the church for his choices. It is a fact though, that bible-believing churches have not, nor do they still, help people deal with this particular sin. It's not enough for churches to acknowlege sin--which of course we must--but we need to help people fight certain sinful patterns in their own lives; this is the process called Christian maturity or sanctification.

Just as many churches sponsor AA or do their own version of it, so too churches need to help people out of sexual sinful habits. One of the main principles of AA is to acknowlege individual responsibilty and not blame anyone else--that doesn't mean churches shouldn't help AA-type programs--even though alcaholism is an individual problem, based on a person's own bad choices.

Divorce in the church is an indicator that MANY active evangelical, born-again, bible-believing Christians have sexual/relationship problems (yes, involving their individual sinful habits) which the Church, as the people of God, need to help them mature out of....and of course that includes repentance, from start to end.

Individual responsibility for sin, AND Church bodies helping people to overcome such sins, are not mutually exclusive.

The homosexual agenda probably wouldn't be nearly so powerful had Churches been doing what they are supposed to do--glorifying God by helping people repent and grow up in spiritual maturity.

[Search4Truth]

My friend. In a nutshell, you have described the apostasy of the modern Christian church; that they would rely on the works of men, rather than the power of a Holy God. No institution of man will ever save him from his sinful nature. Only by being born again in the Spirit of the Lord will a man be made anew.

2 Corinthians 5:14-21 For the love of Christ constrains us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead: And that he died for all, that they who live should no longer live unto themselves, but unto him who died for them, and rose again. Therefore from now on know we no man after the flesh: yea, though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet from now on know we him no more. Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creation: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. And all things are of God, who has reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and has given to us the ministry of reconciliation; That is, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and has committed unto us the word of reconciliation. Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you on Christ's behalf, be reconciled to God. For he has made him, who knew no sin, to be sin for us; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.

2 Timothy 3:1-7 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, truce breakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. For of this sort are they who creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with various lusts, Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.

John 3:3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

1 Peter 1:23 Being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the word of God, which lives and abides forever.

Hell's Best Kept Secret

[scripter]

How many homosexuals were molested as children by other homosexuals? I would really like to see a study done on that.

Unforunately I don't know of any studies on the subject. I've seen studies that hit on the subject but none specifically on the issue of molestation. While molestation is certainly one avenue into homosexuality, there are many factors involved, and of course environment remains the key factor.

[scripter]

Those are some of my favorite links, lj. You may notice, as you said, one of the links has more information.

The Root Causes, Homosexual Consequences (People can Change) link has a reference to their own study. The study, a PDF document is very interesting, especially pages 6-9 which hit on the abuse factors. That is, (page 8) ~48% claim to have been sexually abused.

[scripter]

That's a great point. It would appear some people forget the human factor, and that is, some habits, especially sexual habits are very difficult to break. People have to unlearn their bad habits--it's rare to happen overnight.

[scripter]

You make a great point and a point I hope some folks take time to ponder.

This is worth repeating: different people respond to different stimuli/methods/messages. I say that merely because there are some folks who insist their way is the only way. And in doing so, they put themselves and everybody around them in a box.

Dr. Throckmorton was playing with words when he wrote there is: More than one way out, but that fits with what I'm saying.

Some folks use Christian organizations to leave the homosexual lifestyle. Some use Jewish. Some Mormon. Some secular. Some...

[SoulMan]

I am a tiny soul who would be entirely lost and wretched without the mercy of God that is available to every one of us. The Prodigal Son is my favorite story in the Bible. It is a story of my life, only I was worse.

Brother lj,

Not quite the reply I was expecting. My counter argument is that I only know you from these posts and you always seem to understand what I am talking about, which is no small thing. Thus I am led to the conclusion of 'cool dude' which I am going to stick by and debate for a thousand posts if you make me!

Anyway, there is no such thing as a 'tiny soul.' It's a contradiction in terms. Every human soul is of infinite worth and infinite value.

[SoulMan]

People have to unlearn their bad habits--it's rare to happen overnight.

Scrip,

You also have to consider just how unscientific the "Gay" rights movement is, even though its supposed to be based in humanism and science and all that. Of course, if you reinforce homosexuality through habitual fantasy, masturbation, acting out, sexual encounters ec. its going to be difficult to change. Yet the "Gay" rights activists use this as evidence that homosexuality is innate or even genetic!

The role of the Church, Synagogue, psychologists, educators, social workers, all of the "helping" professions should be to give men and women who experience homosexual feelings the emotional, social and cognitive skills (and in the case of religious organizations, faith) to resist reinforcing these feelings through homosexual fantasy and behavior. The tragedy that we are witnessing in our lifetime is that this role is being abandoned by most mainstream organizations.

I will add, that in my view, the emotional, cognitive and faith aspects all have to work together for recovery to occur.

[I got the rope]

Wow! Good stuff.

[little jeremiah]

Thank you for your kind words.

Change it to insignificant in the whole scheme of things!

Real kin are those who understand and experience that God is indeed the Father of all. I find quite a few family members here on FR.

[Search4Truth]

"Some folks use Christian organizations to leave the homosexual lifestyle. Some use Jewish. Some Mormon. Some secular. Some..."

There is only one way that a man is saved from his sin, and that is by the power of the Holy Spirit. And there is only one way to be in the Spirit, and that is to be Born Again.

No organization of man can save men from their sin. Only the Spirit of a Holy God can. It was not that long ago that that was common knowledge among Christians.

[scripter]

There is only one way that a man is saved from his sin ...No organization of man can save men from their sin.

Definitely worth repeating.

[SoulMan]

No organization of man can save men from their sin.

As a man who has struggled with homosexuality in my own life, I have spent a good deal of time both dealing with my own struggle and observing others who are dealing with this issue, especially men who also seek to overcome homosexuality. They are my brothers.

My observation is that faith can be an extremely strong motivator and can help a man stick with his struggle when the going gets tough. However, I have also observed that faith alone doesn't do it.

If a man doesn't do the hard psychological work of looking within his own soul, understanding what led to his homosexuality, how his actions and beliefs are reinforcing homosexuality and learning when he can do to change the patterns of thought and behavior, he won't get very far in recovery. I have seen men pray and pray and pray for God to free them of homosexuality, but without doing the hard work of developing insight and acting upon that insight, they don't get very far. They get frustrated and end up saying that homosexuality is "genetic" and can't be changed. Some end up joining "churches," like the Metropolitan Community Church, whose doctrine is that homosexuality is NOT A SIN! A few become the most hardened, cynical "Gay" advocates, I guess, because God didn't give them what they wanted.

In the article at the beginning of this thread, Darryl Foster says that even after his faith experience, change didn't happen overnight. He had to "reorient" himself. He demonstrates some insight into the factors that led to his homosexuality (poor relationship with father, isolation, molestation in childhood).

I am a great believer in the power of faith. But it is a mistake to tell people that faith alone will get them out of homosexuality. If all a man does is pray, he will end up frustrated, and may go back to the homosexual lifestyle. There is great DANGER in telling men faith alone can do it.

My belief is that got gave us MINDS and we should use them. The power of the human mind is unfathomable. We need God's word to guide us into what is the GOOD. However, we also need to use advances achieved by psychology and science to help men out of homosexuality. Science, psychology, insight must all be harnessed to work for the good, in this case freedom from homosexuality for men who seek it. One of the greatest tragedies of our time is the scientific and psychological community has abandoned men who struggle homosexuality, telling them that homosexuality is O.K. Science without faith quickly becomes just another evil.

These insights are not from a book. They are the story of my life. I would like to know what you think of them.

[little jeremiah]

Thanks for your insights, coming from experience. I would agree that God has given us minds and intelligence and His spirit can speak to us as well, giving us insights. Introspection comes when we move closer to God's will, and reveals much that the mind's and senses' desires have clouded.

The more we desire to do the will of God, especially from love and gratitude rather than fear, the more He removes the worldly desires, and gives us the motivation to serve Him. Part of which is showing us our secret, previously hidden ill motives. Knowledge of God (which cannot be separate from love) leads to self-knowledge as well.

I'm glad you tell your story here, the more people understand that no one HAS to be "gay", the better. People also don't HAVE to be drunks, dope fiends, porn users, adulterers, and so on.

We can be free and we are meant to be free.

[little jeremiah]

Just adding - it is a great shame that so many professionals and the organizations they create have become the servants of the "gay" agenda. This is indeed a great tragedy.

[scripter]

From everything I've read on the subject, faith alone doesn't get all men (or women) to overcome their struggle with homosexuality. I know some here disagree and think just confessing the sin (whatever that sin may be) and moving on is all it takes. While that may be true for some it certainly isn't true for everybody.

If a man doesn't do the hard psychological work of looking within his own soul, understanding what led to his homosexuality, how his actions and beliefs are reinforcing homosexuality and learning when he can do to change the patterns of thought and behavior, he won't get very far in recovery.

I think that's an excellent observation and hope others read and ponder your words.

This is a difficult paragraph to write and I don't have the time to form it properly: One thing I don't do is equate leaving the homosexual lifestyle with a salvation experience, where the salvation experience is the protestant Christian salvation experience. I say that because some people leave the homosexual lifestyle via help from Christian organizations and those organizations may lead somebody to a protestant salvation experience. Others leave the homosexual lifestyle via Jewish organizations, but by definition cannot be labeled a protestant salvation experience. Some leave the homosexual lifestyle by Mormon organizations, and by no means is that considered the traditional Christian religion. I think it's possible to leave the homosexual lifestyle via help from secular organizations as well.

We need God's word to guide us into what is the GOOD. However, we also need to use advances achieved by psychology and science to help men out of homosexuality.

Some here would vehemently disagree. Indeed, God gave us minds and we should use them. As I said in post 48: different people respond to different stimuli/methods/messages.

Looking at my own life and the struggles I've had for years, I can say there are some things God has completely delivered me from and other areas in which I continue to struggle. Now, maybe I continue to struggle because I haven't completely given it over to God. Or maybe my struggles are a reminder that I'm human and remain to keep me humble.

I believe anything is possible with God. He may choose to completely heal some from homosexuality without any residual homosexual thoughts, but others may continue their struggle. The apostle Paul had a thorn in his side that as far as we know was never removed. We don't even know what that thorn was, but we know it's something Paul struggled with. And to be very clear, in no way am I advocating Paul's thorn was homosexuality.

That's all the time I have for now. If something isn't clear I'd be more than happy to expand on it as time allows.

[buffyt]

That is odd. My nephew who is gay is so feminine and he always was. He was always small and thin and feminine and played with dolls and never had a date in high school. His hormones are out of balance, with the estrogens outnumbering the testosterone.

[SoulMan]

The more we desire to do the will of God, especially from love and gratitude rather than fear, the more He removes the worldly desires, and gives us the motivation to serve Him.

I won't respond by saying you're a cool dude, as that went over like a lead balloon the last time!

I will say that I don't think I am quite at your spiritual level, but one thing I noticed was that when I truly left homosexuality behind, I became free of depression. When I became free of depression, I was able to worry less about myself and more about others. I did take a small step toward what God expects of me.

About telling my story, looking back it seems like growing out of homosexuality is the most normal thing in the world. It's hard for me to comprehend that it is considered exceptional.