"Can you explain that? I'm not disputing you, I just am curious as to what you mean."
Churches, and church organziations, have a way of killing the wounded.
I've watched any number of clergy who've been found to be in need of emotional care - such as marital difficulties, problem child, prescription drug addition, etc. - summarily bounced out of the ministry.
In my case, I started wondering about my career choice (clergy) soon after I got into a nasty church, and I made the mistake of mentioning that fact. That winter the church used that confusion as reason to ask for a new pastor.
The upshot is that clergy soon learn that they cannot openly deal with issues. Pastors, after all, are supposed to be on a pedestal!!! They live in fear that someone will find out that they're in counseling. They learn to put out that infamous "pastoral veneer" which doesn't allow anyone to know what is really going on inside of them. They hide any evidence of anger, and in so doing usually end up making themselves sick (or acting out, including sexually).
Shall I go on?
Okay, thanks, I know what you're talking about. Happens all too often. In a healthy church community, the pastor has people (sometimes the leaders or elders but not always) he can lean on and confide in, but alas not all churches are healthy.
But I think this dynamic plays out in the most fundamental area of society and the church: families and the men in the families who are supposed to be the "spiritual leaders" of the home. The same expectations we place on pastors we place on husbands.
The church should be a place men can go to get support and encouragement.
Instead we get "Promise Keepers" (blame the men) and numerous support groups for abused women (blame the men) and blame the men teachings and attitudes.
These expectations and attitudes feed off each other. And if that man should fall ... blame the man for not being a good "spiritual leader" and throw him out of the church. On many occasions abandoning someone outside his church leads to spiritual suicide. "Kill the wounded".
Far too many times (and speaking from my own experience) I have seen where the wives can be as irresponsible as they want to be at home, but if anything goes wrong with the marriage: blame the husband/blame the man. Bring up this uncomfortable observation and you get: "but what are YOU doing about YOUR problem?" Blame the man.
I've seen this. Situations like this call for tact and discretion, along with a healthy dose of prayerful contemplation on the part of the church board. Many times they aren't up to it.