Posted on 03/27/2006 11:01:02 PM PST by beaversmom
All this week, the BBC News website has been asking women in various EU countries about how they feel being asked to have more babies, and how easy or difficult they find combining motherhood and work.
Here, the BBC News website's Kathryn Westcott talks to those among a growing group who have chosen not to have children, and are fed up with the emphasis given to family life.
Childless or childfree? Not so long ago, all women without children were known as childless, with its implication of a state of loss. Nowadays, a growing number of women are insisting on the term childfree - with its emphasis on liberation.
An increasing number of women in their 30s are rejecting the job description that they believe comes with parenting - loss of freedom, reduced career prospects and financial burdens.
Numbers are difficult to come by, but London School of Economics sociologist Dr Catherine Hakim has carried out some extensive research in this area.
She has no doubt rising numbers of people are actively choosing not to have children.
"In many European countries around 10% of women reach the age of 45 with no kids," she says.
"Of that figure, there are those who have chosen to remain childfree, those who have delayed having a child and are experiencing problems, and those who are infertile. A UN fertility study says 2-3% will fall into that category."
She believes the number without children will double in many countries to around 20% - except Germany, where the figure is already closer to 30%, partly because it is seen as having some of the most family unfriendly policies in Europe.
'Taboo subject'
"The whole idea of the childfree lifestyle is beginning to be recognised by the media," says Dr Hakim. "Private feelings are being legitimised and people are beginning to feel that they are not being deviant in some way.
"Very consciously people are more confident in saying they have a different lifestyle."
Despite that, in some countries where there are very strong pro-natal policies, such as France, the idea of women actively choosing not to have children is, to many, an anathema.
Until recently, it was extremely difficult for men and women to undergo sterilisation in France.
"In France, it is difficult being a women without any children," says 33-year-old Alexandra, who lives in Nantes.
"The subject is just taboo. There is no open debate. People refuse to believe you could not want to have children - they always think it's because you simply haven't met the right person."
Alexandra, who has a long-term partner, says that up until her mid-20s, she always thought she would have children. But, after changing her mind, she says she is confident that nothing will make her change it back again.
Lifestyle choice
She says that the assumption that it is only the work-mad who shun parenthood is far from accurate.
"I didn't make the choice for career reasons - it was a lifestyle choice. I only work part-time and I like to enjoy life," she says.
Dr Hakim says that governments with "vague pro-natal attitudes" such as France, Sweden and Norway, claim that there is no such thing as voluntary childlessness in their countries.
But Mariah who lives in the city of Linkoping, Sweden, says that over the past few years, she has met more and more Swedes who are opting for a childfree lifestyle.
The 30-year-old says she has known that she never wanted to have children since she was a child herself.
"I was sterilised at the age of 25. It's a choice I have never regretted," she says. "Once I had made the decision, I felt stronger as a woman. I have a long-term partner and he is happy with my decision."
She says that in Sweden there is a lot of pressure from family and friends to have children. "It's the norm and Swedes really don't want to stand out in a crowd. But, in the past few years, I feel there have been more and more people questioning whether of not they having children is really for them.
Waste
"Some people simply have no maternal feelings - some are worried about how the world is going, some like to travel, some like to pursue their careers - we're not selfish people."
"Selfish and irresponsible," are words that 43-year-old Jane, who lives in London, is used to hearing.
In the UK, the most commonly cited statistic is that by 2010, one in four will be either childfree or childless.
"I made the choice early on not to have children. I don't dislike them - I simply decided that I could not devote 100% of my time to someone else," she says.
"I have also been called selfish but I think that people who have three children are encroaching on the planet's resources - I can't believe the amount of waste that children produce.
"The world's population is still growing - it's only people in the West who are perceived to be not having enough children. People will always have children and the world will continue," she says.
'Better deal'
Jane, who works in the media, says there is an increasing tension in the workplace because many employees without children feel that parents get a better deal when it comes to time off.
This is partly why Europe is now following the US with the establishment of active groups of the childfree, some of whom are demanding a better deal for their members.
Jonathan McCalmont is the founder of Kidding Aside (The British Childfree Association), which was first set up on the internet to lobby for equality for people without children.
He is fed up with the way the government is wooing parents with longer maternity pay, paternity leave, flexible hours and family tax breaks. He describes the latter as "simply a middle-class tax break masquerading as social policy."
He is angry at what he says is a redistribution of money from people without children to those with.
He contends that childfree people who have other responsibilities - such as looking after an elderly parent - should get the same benefits.
"We believe it is up to the individual to decide what constitutes a family," he says. "It's not up to the state."
Well, for me it's not a matter of selfishness. It's the realization that I wouldn't be a good parent, for a variety of reasons that I won't get into here. At 45, it's a little late in the game to be reneging on that decision anyway, even if I wanted to. ]
I love my neices and nephews. Smetimes I wish I had some of my own. And my golden years may well not be so golden, as you say. But it's better this way for all concerned, and I'll live with the consequences.
Childfree and LOVING IT!
Kids are like cops, I dont hate em, but I feel a lot better when they arent around.
Dual income, no kids. Of the three of my siblings, only one had kids. My sister never did.
Sweet Freeeeedom. Everyones different. We all make life choices for what makes us happy. Were happy with ours.
But it can suck when others do not respect that choice.
why not, the third world is dying to take our lives and live here.
Good for you. I do know this is a fad that is happening. Hope you are happy. I have just seen a lot of older people where I live with NO children who care about them and the state comes in and carts them off and sells their home.
You may be partly right, but I feel I have to offer two thoughts for your consideration:
1) Most people who have children do not do so out of "selflessness", "sacrifice" "to help society" or any other noble motive. They want children, think their life won't be complete without them, and look forward to the fun and happiness that kids can certainly provide. This is not selflessness; and by the same token, it certainly doesn't follow that the voluntarily childless are "selfish".
2) The Golden Years; I have seen so many elderly people who are almost completely ignored by their children, except for occasional duty visits. Having young 'uns is far from a guarantee of company in old age. Let's face it - as with your youth, your life in your elder years is what you make it, and you shouldn't expect to live through your kids and grandkids. You CERTAINLY shouldn't have children because you fear solitude. JMHO
Having kids is no gurantee they will take care for you when your old or care about you. Not everyones kids turn out to be nice people no matter how great the parents were. Having children is not a senior care plan. Nor is that fair of anyone to expect that of someone else in my opinion. Family is more then younger people you share blood with. Life can offer no guarantees of health and security to anyone. We all take our chances with our choices. Wouldnt have it any other way. Im thankful for it.
good for you...
"Childfree", another PCing laundering term for people who in fact HATE children and the true happy & free legal rebellion of birth & of the born.
The "childfree" are not free:
1. they can't have children by their mentality nor have any sway except through their political, professional or militant abnoxious establishment over other families
2. Muslims are taking them over
3. It's a death & suicide cult by stupid narcissistic self-centered & thus unreliable pride
Who wants to fight for these kinds of people? Not me, I prefer fighting for little ones rather than old pervert f@gs doing worse than AbuGhraib in Thailand, thank you.
Just as a side note.
The extra income without kids has given me the opportunity to do things like give to charitys, Give to our troops, YES give to Challenger Center (lil bastards, I want to see 'em walk on Mars), life is more then rich and full without children. None of my close friends have had kids and we are all pushing forty. I have the expendable time and money to pursue my passions (flying) and share that with others. I see few folks with kids lucky enough to have the income to do it all. And since I have no urge at all to have the kids, there is zero missed. I have noticed some parents nearly define themselves by their childrens lives, often talking of little else.
Empty nest will be a cold wake up.
Having children is a most easy & enjoyable form of charity. For the life of me, I don't understand the "Friends" show mantra. Adults are capricious, uncontrollable/controlling, if not predatorial or dangerous. Why people find children difficult is beyond understanding to me. Sure, getting pregnant is not easy but getting burdened by another person's crap or system any of the rest of the "free" time we have is stupid.
There is no such thing as free time but time to choose what to do.
Personally I couldn't cope with being a genetic dead end. But more power to you if you feel you're better off.
"2. Muslims are taking them over"
Uh. WTF?
Pretty weird rant.
I've also seen a lot of elderly folks who get bled dry or otehrwise abused by their own worthless adult children, so there's a risk either way.
I think people find having children difficult because once you have one, your heart will always live outside your self. That kind of vulnerability, in the hands of a small child and at the mercy of fate, can be terrifying. It's an enormous leap of faith.
Empty nest will be a cold wake up.
I suspect more liberals are childless with their godless and selfish lifestyles. Between this and abortion, they are on the of exterminating themselves.
I say muslims take them over because it is true.
My Aunt who is French & childless & rich has her property taken care of by 3 illegal muslims... she is nice, but while it started by giving them coffee, now she let them do weddings & lamb slaughters at her house for entertainment...
6.5 billion humans on earth and growing.
Plenty of humans.
There are other ways to contribute beyond our years and contribute to society without choosing to be a parent.
Condi Rice has no kids, not even married. Many other very important people who contribute to humanity have not had kids. Or couldnt. Doesnt mean they cant add to the world in other ways just as important.
Heck a lot of kids are raised BY kids these days. Our prisons are filled with millions of people who were not raised right.
Liberals are false rebels. They are for total establishment, and children threaten that, and the established rich & powerful gov. is all to happy to provide them with the said narcissistic mentality.
Liberals always support the very foreign established empires America fought against for the past 200 years. Their rebellion against "US establishment" is a big lie. They're traitors to the cause. Children are legal little rebels whose lives take ours over decaying gladly, and we better raise them right & make them honor this life.
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