I guess I am somewhat of an anachronism for my generation. My wife and I are 48 and we've been married for almost 25 years. I have several friends that are on their second, third (or even more) marriages. And I have yet to see kids of divorce that are not affected to varying degrees, some of them profoundly. I do find it interesting though that children of "amicable" divorces are more prone to divorce than those of an ugly breakup.
I am not really all that suprised by the findings. Both of my parents had been married before, and had kids by the previous marriages. My Dad's divorce was a nightmare scenario. My Mom's was amicable, and even though she had custody, my brother stayed with his dad during the 9 school months, and with us during the summers. In theory, that seemed the better situation. He was able to be with us during the summers when we could do more family things, like camping and fishing, etc.
Anyway, in retrospect, I do not think it did him any favors. To him, divorce seems like a thing which is more "normal", and as a result his two marriages never even came close to standing a chance. I have given up on any possibility that he will have a successful one, and am saddened by the very strong belief that he will die a lonely old man.
My other siblings, on my fathers side, saw a messy divorce. The feuding there continued on even after I was born for many years, and I was witness to the nastiness as well. I think this tended to make myself and them (with the exception of my sister) much more cautious about entering into marriage to begin with, and possibly more willing to work at it to preserve it rather than deal with divorce. My dad's other sons, and myself, have all been married only once. They have all been married longer than I, and I have been married for 19 yrs (I am, btw, 41 yrs old).
My sister is a different story, having been married 7 times... but she has some demons of her own causing that. That is more related to guilt her mother made her feel for the death of our oldest brother. On her 4th birthday, she was crossing the street to a neighbors to get a present, and he followed her (he was 3).. into the path of a Winfield city dump truck. IMO, the blame for that belongs squarely on their mom, since she was the adult caring for them at the time.. our dad was in Seattle on business. (It is also a big factor which caused the divorce) But her mom told her numerous times when she was little that it was her fault. Ever since then, my sister has felt like nobody loved her ever since, in her words "I killed my brother".
Because of all that, I do not figure my sister in the equation, but judging from my brothers and I, it seems to fit.
In any event.. which was better? I at least had a relationship with my brother from my mom's side. My brothers on my dad's side I have not seen, in person, since I was 6.
You and me both! Brewcrew and I will be married 24 years this year and we're 45. Something good came out of that "me" generation!
ALL of my youngest daughter's close friends are the products of "blended families" -- to the extent of MOST mothers having children by multiple husbands... having multiple stepfathers, stepbrothers, and stepsisters.
In a recent hospitalization of my wife, the discussion of my relationship to my wife during admission was delicately phrased as "the person you [my wife] live with.
(In deference to the delicate sensitivities of the shacked-up contingency, the whole country dare not assume a guy like me is husband even though I'm the primary on the insurance policy their SO interested in obtaining/verifying.)
Anachronism doesn't seem describe the courtesy with which I am often treated - sometimes I feel it's more like second class citizen treatment.