CBS Poll Puts Bush Approval At Negative Bazillion

Point Five ^ | 2/28/2006

[StoneGiant]

CBS Poll Puts Bush Approval At Negative Bazillion

By a4g
Point Five Staff Writer @ 10:04 am


Analysts believe Bush reelection “virtually impossible”




Point Five’s source at CBS said that he “felt terrible” about having to report the President’s dismal approval. He spoke to us on condition of anonymity.

A new poll released Monday shows a startling slip for the President’s approval rating, dipping to a all-time low of “negative one bazillion”, according to a CBS News press release.

The survey, conducted among not just likely voters but “adults”, also included a representative sampling of hillbillies, senators, small appliances and household pets.

CBS analysts predict that the rock-bottom figures ensure that Mr. Bush’s reelection chances are virtually nil, and doom any run for his third term as US President.

“And beyond his own reelection,” said a CBS insider who spoke with Point Five on condition of anonymity, “his hand-picked successor, Dick Cheney, will wear these
numbers like a millstone in the next Presidential race.”

The use of the result “a bazillion,” although technically a made-up number, was justified in this poll based on the equally made-up internals that backed up the result.

“The methodology of using primarily fraudulent data is a bit complicated,” said our CBS source, “but the simple way to understand the concept is like in math class when you multiply two negatives and get a positive.”

Our CBS source said he had used similar methodology in mid-2004 in an unbiased piece he did on Bush’s National Guard Service during the Vietnam War.

We asked if that meant that the negative one bazillion approval rating times the mostly negative response of Americans to the Dubai Ports World deal meant a net positive for the President, but our CBS source accused us of “just being ridiculous.”

[Izzy Dunne]

I think this is satire, but then, it is SeeBS.

[GOPJ]

ping

[SouthernFreebird]

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

[NaughtiusMaximus]

Oh woe, Oh woe. I'm so sorry I was a Republican and voted for Bush. Those clever media intellectuals on the Coasts were right all along and the rest of us were so stupid. We should never have 'dissed' the NYTimes and network news.

Yeah, right! A**holes.

[Wasanother]

I think CBS is worth a bazillion dollars or 2 Peso's in Mexican.

[johnny7]

SeeBS is worth a couple of copiers at Kinko's.

[corlorde]

Bazillion is the number of illegals currently living in the US and storming across the border.

[fortheDeclaration]

LOL!

[Mcirrus]

Figures used to compute approval rating:

2z[(x * 4z + PI) / z] = Approval Rating

Where z = 0, x = number of squirrels in Dayton, OH.

[BerniesFriend]

Too funny..great to start the morning off with a hearty laugh..I especially liked the part where Bush's reelection chances are ruined..too funny..

[StoneGiant]

Figures used to compute approval rating:

2z[(x * 4z + PI) / z] = Approval Rating

Where z = 0, x = number of squirrels in Dayton, OH.


Now that's funny!

[KarlInOhio]

Figures used to compute approval rating:
2z[(x * 4z + PI) / z] = Approval Rating
Where z = 0, x = number of squirrels in Dayton, OH.

2z[(x * 4z + PI) / z] = (8xz^2+2z*PI)/z
= 8xz+2PI
= 2PI (unless x=infinity, which is a reasonable possiblity considering the number of squirrels in my neighborhood.)

How much of a geek am I because I saw the formula and was simplifying it before I even realized what I was doing?

[StoneGiant]

Gotta watch out for the tree rats.

They're killers.

[jmaroneps37]

I heard that when See-BS was conducting this poll, people were so eager to tell the callers how much they hate Bush that they used caller ID, got the reverse number and ran around the streets of their town getting other people, including the noble and sainted homeless to call in. It became an old fashion 60s style "happening". People passed around doobies and cell phones. That explains why SEE-BS was compelled to report more than 100% against Bush.
Well at least that was what I heard.

[jmaroneps37]

Oh I almost forgot. SEE-BS sent it's pollsters over to Fox so they could use the numbers sa well.

[stayathomemom]

2Pi, that's what I came up with too!