Four Myths About Living Together Without Marriage

Human Events ^ | Mar 01, 2006 | Janice Shaw Crouse

[antiRepublicrat]

There is a deeper bond in marrage that will survive more difficult times.

You're missing the point too. Read previous.

[null and void]

I said in most cohabitational situations the guy is using the woman. I stand by that.

You say that like it's a bad thing...

A bit more realistically, it must be serving some need of both parties, or one would leave.

[HairOfTheDog]

I'm always on the dang computer, that's how. :~D

[null and void]

Premarital sex is bad for people. I hold that opinion from a biblical standpoint as well as from an experiential standpoint. We'll just have to agree to disagree.

Ideally, if the fist person one has sex with is a new spouse, they will strongly bond to that person. It's very similar to the imprinting that a fresh hatched chick will get on the first moving thing it sees.

Multiple partners over a brief period of time will blur the bonding response and make it difficult to settle down on any other single partner.

I think that this bonding is one of the reasons arranged marriages seem to have a lower divorce rate and more happy couples than the modern 'love' marriage. With our current society, awash in sexuality, and favoring later marriage, it is very difficult for any normal hormonally hypercharged teenager to 'last' long enough to marry to a virgin as a virgin.

I don't know the solution, but it seems our society militates against our biology.

[null and void]

women whose ex-husband was shafted will never admit that he was shafted.

Not to you. You're a guy!

I've overheard them bragging to each other, though...

[IronJack]

I said: Until our courts make divorce a more equitable process, there won't be much incentive for men to marry, except to exploit women for sex or money.

You responded: Wow if you think marriage is about sex and money its no wonder you're so jaded. My wife is my friend, and partner. She helps me to be a better Christian. I have less money and recreational time now than when I was single but I am a more complete person.

Let me put it another way. The state provides a powerful incentive for women to marry for money, and divorce for profit. That being the case, it also provides a strong incentive for successful men not to marry.

[nteres]

This is all plain silly. SILLY! To discuss marriage success rates and longevity, and leave out the question of the quality and length of the courtship (pre-marriage, and pre-co-habitation) is just crazy.

Let’s assume people move in together more casually (that is, earlier) in their relationship than if they were to get married. They know each other less well and, bingo, are less likely to stay together. The problem is a short courtship.

I lived in an area of the country for four years that was very religious – cohabitation was less socially acceptable, couples married earlier (at younger, more impulsive ages, with shorter courtships) and divorce rates were high.

Again, the key issue is quality of the courtship. If someone wanted to study couples who each knew each other for the same period of time before EITHER moving in together unmarried or moving in together married, THEN you’d have a decent argument about the superiority of one over the other.

[nteres]

Thank you for your well-put clarification. People make this discussion 1) too complicated and 2) are too defensive about their own individual stances.

[null and void]

Let me put it another way. The state provides a powerful incentive for women to marry for money, and divorce for profit. That being the case, it also provides a strong incentive for successful men not to marry.

Bingo!

[gogeo]

Frank and Marie?

[linda_22003]

"So are the girls who sleep around not whores? Of course the guys who sleep around are also whores."

Yes, if a monetary transaction is involved for services rendered.

[null and void]

Again, the key issue is quality of the courtship.

Perhaps. Yet arranged marriages also have a high success rate, and in that case there is often little or no courtship.

[null and void]

OTOH, I suppose one could argue that the in-laws doing the arranging are a surrogate for the courtship?

[null and void]

Noooo. Who are Frank and Marie?

[gogeo]

Unless they're nice shoes, of course...

[nteres]

lol! ok! you got me! (**whoosh**) [sound of me throwing my cards on the table]

[linda_22003]

Barone ("Everybody Loves Raymond").

[nteres]

(I meant that I'm throwing my cards in, in response to the 'arranged marriages' point.)

Though, I do wonder what marriage success rates are like in cultures where having a mistress/lover is considered acceptable.

[null and void]

I'm not actually trying to get you!

As a divorced dad I have a very vital interest in understanding 'wha happened!?!?' Not only do I have the larger issue of what our high promiscuity and divorce rates are doing to our society, on a personal level what advice can I give my son and daughter? And is the advice the same for each of them? If not why not?

You have contributed a valuable piece of the puzzle to today's conversation. Please don't fold now!

[null and void]

D'oh!