Posted on 03/01/2006 7:09:06 AM PST by ZGuy
In the United States, living together instead of marrying has become the norm for couples -- half of young adults aged 20-40 are cohabiting instead of getting married. Cohabitation has increased nearly 1,000% since 1980, and the marriage rate has dropped more than 40% since 1960.
Some see substituting living together for marriage as an insignificant shift in family “structure.” Those who are better informed realize that the shift has disastrous ramifications for the individuals involved, as well as for society and public policy.
The faulty reasoning leading young adults to make such a poor choice must be exposed. Here are four myths surrounding the shift.
Myth No. 1: Living Together Is a Good Way to “Test the Water”
Many couples say that they want to live together to see if they are compatible, not realizing that cohabitation is more a preparation for divorce than a way to strengthen the likelihood of a successful marriage -- the divorce rates of women who cohabit are nearly 80% higher than those who do not. In fact, studies indicate that cohabiting couples have lower marital quality and increased risk of divorce. Further, cohabiting relationships tend to be fragile and relatively short in duration; less than half of cohabiting relationships last five or more years. Typically, they last about 18 months.
Myth No. 2: Couples Don’t Really Need That “Piece of Paper”
A major problem with cohabitation is that it is a tentative arrangement that lacks stability; no one can depend upon the relationship -- not the partners, not the children, not the community, nor the society. Such relationships contribute little to those inside and certainly little to those outside the arrangement. Sometimes couples choose to live together as a substitute for marriage, indicating that, in case the relationship goes sour, they can avoid the trouble, expense and emotional trauma of a divorce. With such a weak bond between the two parties, there is little likelihood that they will work through their problems or that they will maintain the relationship under pressure.
Myth No. 3: Cohabiting Relationships Usually Lead to Marriage
During the 1970s, about 60% of cohabiting couples married each other within three years, but this proportion has since declined to less than 40%. While women today still tend to expect that “cohabitation will lead to marriage,” numerous studies of college students have found that men typically cohabit simply because it is “convenient.” In fact, there is general agreement among scholars that living together before marriage puts women at a distinct disadvantage in terms of “power.” A college professor described a survey that he conducted over a period of years in his marriage classes. He asked guys who were living with a girl, point blank, “Are you going to marry the girl that you’re living with?” The overwhelming response, he reports, was “NO!” When he asked the girls if they were going to marry the guy they were living with, their response was, “Oh, yes; we love each other and we are learning how to be together.”
Myth No. 4: Cohabiting Relationships Are More Egalitarian Than Marriage
It is common knowledge that women and children suffer more poverty after a cohabiting relationship breaks up, but it’s not so well understood that there is typically an economic imbalance in favor of the man within such relationships, too. While couples who live together say that they plan to share expenses equally, more often than not the women support the men. Studies show that women typically contribute more than 70% of the income in a cohabiting relationship. Likewise, the women tend to do more of the cleaning, cooking and laundry. If they are students, as is often the case, and facing economic or time constraints that require a reduction in class load, it is almost invariably the woman, not the man, who drops a class.
So What’s the Conclusion?
A mass of sociological evidence shows that cohabitation is an inferior alternative to the married, intact, two-parent, husband-and-wife family. Increasingly, the myths of living together without marriage are like a mirror shattered by the force of the facts that expose the reality of cohabitation.
Dr. Crouse is senior fellow of Concerned Women for America’s Beverly LaHaye Institute.
We are a family. We are a family in every sense of the word. We use that word frequently and because of the different last names (children from prior marriages and then the one between us) it felt like LESS of a family, or at least the 'step' children felt that way, so we made a 'family quilt' with everyone's first and middle name embroidered in the quilt. It hangs on our wall. Last names do not make a family, love does. When one of the kids have an even, we ALL go, required. Even our 21 year old, who usually would rather be doing something else than going to a five year old's play. But we STRESS family. We have family meetings, we have family vacations. Nothing is different in our house/world than any other family, except a piece of paper. That might stun you, but it's true.
(BTW this is why there is so much resistance to same sex marriage - the courts don't know which one to screw)...
We agree to disagree then. I will not draw my faith into the argument because that's a copout.
This pretty much dismisses most if not all of your arguments.
What marriage might be in a theoretical discussion is identical to arguing what man might be in a theoretical discussion: no armies, no wars, no police, no weapons.
Unfortunately, I live and engage in reasoned discussion only in the real world.
Well, your life is what you make of it. That is the beauty of free will.
My only advice is to make it one that Jesus would be proud of.
Otherwise, you are setting yourself up for failure.
Peace be with you.
Women scare the hell out of me at this point. I'm growing increasingly weary of what the media feeds us as socially correct, and I'm starting to believe that my renaissance man attitude toward chivalry and love are more a joke to the women of the world. To tie this into my increasingly contentious discussion with others on this thread, perhaps I SHOULD spend more time in and with the church to find me a good Catholic woman. I'm a firm believer in the idea that "Families who pray together, stay together." Women today, however, are growing brazen and less caring for the ugly little things that make us men. I'm not going to rail on it here... I've said enough in other threads.
Great post. Talk about level-headed.
>>>Actually, you can't draw but on one account, you can't add up all your spouses. You would draw on the one that paid the most.
OTOH an ex-husband is required to pay for every previous marriage, not just the last failed one.>>>
If his SS is more than hers, yep. But why do you assume the man's would be more? hehe I said SPOUSE. Could go the other way, it isn't a male/female thing. It's a dollars for spouse thing.
Second, be vewy vewy careful how many times you walk down the aisle and/or get divorced.
Please don't take this the wrong way but If I was with someone as long as you have been with your significant other and they didn't want to marry me, I would be pretty upset. But that is me and my opinion and my life, not yours.
Fair enough. Thanks.
While I understand your objection, I think that it is true that word gets around and creates a realignment of general mindset. I have men in my workplace who have specifically mentioned this issue. Granted, it is a generic concern, not specific to a relationship. But if I was a single secular guy out there legally, emotionally and morally unrestrained, there is little reason to be married. And when one considers the way divorce courts rape the men? The scales get tipped even further.
Ha ha ha, never seen it put that way before!
$2100/month child support here.
$150 a month here, but that's what she's supposed to pay me. I've never seen a dime of it. Guess I'm lucky though - she's got more important things to do than be a mom, so she never said a thing when I filed for sole custody.
From one southern boy to another, thank you! I stick very closely to my guns (figurative and literal), but I am very aggressive when it comes to discussion about religion. My commentary is more a self-flaggelation for even bringing it up, as I knew it would raise someone's hackles.
Believe me... I ignore a LOT of people. My mother taught to "sort out the bullsh!t," and apply what's useful. My beliefs are FIRMLY ingrained, and in many ways I believe that's why I've failed in relationships. Trying to change someone is not on my agenda, but it seems to be part 1 of every girlfriend I've ever had.
Point conceded.
Second, be vewy vewy careful how many times you walk down the aisle and/or get divorced.
Yeah. Once was one time too many.
I don't think so. When I but a pet or a car I'm not thinking about becoming one with it. In buying a pet or a car you become the owner. Marriage is not about owning anyone. Two become one flesh in marriage.
Genesis 2:23-24
the man said: "This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; This one shall be called 'woman,' for out of 'her man' this one has been taken." That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body.
Someone who understands where I'm coming from, I love it! The litigious nature of society and the prevalence of youth who find marriage and love disposable gives me little hope of finding a like-minded woman in this world.
Just remember who is the Prince of the "Real World"
Eh, I think it's the haiku thing that finally made him snap. :D
Marriage is all about faith. Why would you speak about marriage and not speake about faith?
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