Posted on 03/01/2006 7:09:06 AM PST by ZGuy
In the United States, living together instead of marrying has become the norm for couples -- half of young adults aged 20-40 are cohabiting instead of getting married. Cohabitation has increased nearly 1,000% since 1980, and the marriage rate has dropped more than 40% since 1960.
Some see substituting living together for marriage as an insignificant shift in family “structure.” Those who are better informed realize that the shift has disastrous ramifications for the individuals involved, as well as for society and public policy.
The faulty reasoning leading young adults to make such a poor choice must be exposed. Here are four myths surrounding the shift.
Myth No. 1: Living Together Is a Good Way to “Test the Water”
Many couples say that they want to live together to see if they are compatible, not realizing that cohabitation is more a preparation for divorce than a way to strengthen the likelihood of a successful marriage -- the divorce rates of women who cohabit are nearly 80% higher than those who do not. In fact, studies indicate that cohabiting couples have lower marital quality and increased risk of divorce. Further, cohabiting relationships tend to be fragile and relatively short in duration; less than half of cohabiting relationships last five or more years. Typically, they last about 18 months.
Myth No. 2: Couples Don’t Really Need That “Piece of Paper”
A major problem with cohabitation is that it is a tentative arrangement that lacks stability; no one can depend upon the relationship -- not the partners, not the children, not the community, nor the society. Such relationships contribute little to those inside and certainly little to those outside the arrangement. Sometimes couples choose to live together as a substitute for marriage, indicating that, in case the relationship goes sour, they can avoid the trouble, expense and emotional trauma of a divorce. With such a weak bond between the two parties, there is little likelihood that they will work through their problems or that they will maintain the relationship under pressure.
Myth No. 3: Cohabiting Relationships Usually Lead to Marriage
During the 1970s, about 60% of cohabiting couples married each other within three years, but this proportion has since declined to less than 40%. While women today still tend to expect that “cohabitation will lead to marriage,” numerous studies of college students have found that men typically cohabit simply because it is “convenient.” In fact, there is general agreement among scholars that living together before marriage puts women at a distinct disadvantage in terms of “power.” A college professor described a survey that he conducted over a period of years in his marriage classes. He asked guys who were living with a girl, point blank, “Are you going to marry the girl that you’re living with?” The overwhelming response, he reports, was “NO!” When he asked the girls if they were going to marry the guy they were living with, their response was, “Oh, yes; we love each other and we are learning how to be together.”
Myth No. 4: Cohabiting Relationships Are More Egalitarian Than Marriage
It is common knowledge that women and children suffer more poverty after a cohabiting relationship breaks up, but it’s not so well understood that there is typically an economic imbalance in favor of the man within such relationships, too. While couples who live together say that they plan to share expenses equally, more often than not the women support the men. Studies show that women typically contribute more than 70% of the income in a cohabiting relationship. Likewise, the women tend to do more of the cleaning, cooking and laundry. If they are students, as is often the case, and facing economic or time constraints that require a reduction in class load, it is almost invariably the woman, not the man, who drops a class.
So What’s the Conclusion?
A mass of sociological evidence shows that cohabitation is an inferior alternative to the married, intact, two-parent, husband-and-wife family. Increasingly, the myths of living together without marriage are like a mirror shattered by the force of the facts that expose the reality of cohabitation.
Dr. Crouse is senior fellow of Concerned Women for America’s Beverly LaHaye Institute.
AMEN!!!
My SIL and her husband lived together for 22 years before marrying, same reason as yourself. They have lasted longer than most marriages I know. My mate and I have been together for 7 years and have a good, solid relationship. We are in the relationship because we CHOOSE to be. There have been bumps, but the committment is there whether the paper is or not. We have seen the pain seperating parents caused our children from previous marraiges and when times get tough, we try to get tough too. To avoid that pain of our finally adjusted to stepfamily children and the one we have together.
I believe this proves a demonstrable difference between the old Catholic/new Catholic mentality. Again, I'm not downplaying this incident, but at that time in my life, college, sex, etc. was not high on my list of things to avoid in the event Christ's second coming was after midterms.
My conscience is clear, and I'm sorry I even spoke up on this issue. In RE: the article, I still believe this study only exemplifies a small portion of the population.
Personally, I've become a divorce-o-phobic, and the mere idea of marriage is so far gone out of my head that a miracle would be required to make me unafraid of women.
Check out some of my recent posts to articles about the men vs. women debate. Recent relationships have completely tainted my view of the women in this country, and I am far removed from want to date, marry or cohabitate with any of them.
It's diffucult to summarize in one sentence, what volumes have been written about.
Human nature tends to be self-centered, and most marriages, successful or not, has an owner and an ownee, not always the same sex.
Marriage make this possible. If the ownee is free to leave at any time, there is less of a tendency for the worst devils of human nature to overcome the owner.
>>>The religious would tell me I am damaging my children, blah blah blah.
So you'd be fine if your kids shacked up before getting married, then? Or if they didn't get married at all, but just "shacked up"? That's the example you're setting for them, you know.>>>
Yep, I'd be fine with it if it were their choice.
>>>It works for us.
Right. To hell with everyone else.>>>
Who is this 'everybody else' and why would they have a problem with it for me to have a 'to hell with them' attitude in the first place?
If you are planning to get married, there is a real commitment you are trying to attain (Two become One flesh) and all that comes with it, children, building a life together, bringing families together, etc...
OTOH an ex-husband is required to pay for every previous marriage, not just the last failed one.
For a southern boy, you're sharp!
I said I would take a stab at it..... thats how it translates to me.... I did not write that particular statement if you notice.
That part works for me, for the reasons you stated. Better still, in case you worked, that both your marriage year's incomes be pooled, and the results shared equally.
>>>What a judgemental, piece of crap statement. You the sanctimonious (sp) type that galls me to no end. YOU don't think someone else should live their life the way they see fit, so therefore it is "bad behavior".
Shacking up, aren't you?>>>
No, living together, got a problem with that? "Shacking up" is a term used to belittle those who choose not to do the marraige thing.
>>>Yikes. No one attacked you personally.>>>
Not by name, but by posting something like that, he did. (Or she, whichever)
Fair enough.
Although I expected you to attack me by asking if I was co-habiting.
I agree
and most marriages, successful or not, has an owner and an ownee, not always the same sex. Marriage make this possible.
Totally disagree. The Sacrament of Marriage is about two becoming one flesh. There is no owner of the marriage except God. It is a total giving on both parts. It is not about taking. It is a difficult thing but God never asked us to do anything that was impossible.
"Well, I'm a Catholic sir, and I believe there are more grevious sins than living with a woman."
Good luck explaining that one in the afterlife.
How often do you go to confession?
Read John 4:16-18.
Because I really don't want to. The idea of marriage did not interest me and still does not. I never felt the need for it in my relationship. My relationship is strong enough. BUT I have nothing against it and have been happy to see other people enter wedded bliss. So that is why I say - Do what makes you happy in life when it comes to relationships as long as you don't hurt other people.
Don't worry, I don't kill the messenger or translator... ;)
No it is not.
That sounds like buying a car or getting a dog.
Biology compels a different route which, until recently, worked very well.
Particularly for the young, it is still the most common journey: the magic of falling in love and taking a leap of faith.
Of women, or of divorce court?
"No man's life, liberty, or property are safe as long as Congress Court is in session." ~ Will Rogers, lightly paraphrased...
Again... I'm growing increasingly sorry that I even made mention of my faith or brought religion into the argument.
Lambasting me for a decision I made 5 years ago is somewhat irritating, and if I have to explain my behaviors to St. Peter, then so be it. If the good Lord decides to send me to Hell to dance with the Devil, then so be it.
I don't go to confession nearly enough, but my conscience is clear. Life, as it was, is no longer the life that I live.
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