This coming Christmas' Must-Have Stocking Stuffer for the Republicans on Your List.
Posted on 02/22/2006 7:21:45 PM PST by vanderleun
This coming Christmas' Must-Have Stocking Stuffer for the Republicans on Your List.
I SOMETIMES WISH I COULD BE A DEMOCRAT ONCE MORE . It was a good party in its time, it had nice ideals once, and, to tell the truth, I'm not at all easy being labeled as a Republican especially since I'm not. At the same time, I have to admit it is just too embarrassing these days to be a Democrat.
It's not so much that they are wrong. Sometimes they are not wrong. It is not so much that so many of them are demented by the very existence of George W. Bush in the same universe. Not all are demented. Chiefly, I think that it is hard for men to be a Democrats these days because the Party has taken on an ever-growing blob of ur-male members who have run up a catastrophical overdraft at The Bank of Testosterone. That wouldn't be so bad in itself, but it seems that a symptom of this syndrome is for the man involved to become, well, moist.
Although they are legion, these moist men sometimes rise above sea level and become a sign, a symbol, an avatar for the rest. Today's Poster Child for Pap has to be Jeremy Zilber . Zilber's got all the career achievements you need to be the very model of a modern moist Democrat. B.A. from Oberlin, styles himself a "lifelong Democrat and political activist," has written a "scholarly" book whose bias shrieks out in its title ("Racialized Coverage of Congress: The News in Black and White"), lives with his partner and her daughter, and a cat. He's got all the fundamentals down pat. Now comes his crowning achievement, a children's book called ... wait for it.... Why Mommy is a Democrat.
"Why ... Mommy ... is ... a ... Democrat..." I used to think there were some limits to the mind's capacity for bogglement. No more.
Perhaps you, like me, have had a brief gobsmacked moment when you thought, "Nah... it's gotta be one of these Internet hoax things." Lord knows I did. But if it is, count me in as a believer. Why Mommy is a Democrat is either one of those realities that just has to be a hoax or one of those hoaxes that just have to be real. One of the nice things about the Internet is you no longer have to make this stuff up, somebody else is always out there making this stuff up before you can think of it.
Exhibit A:
In which we observe the kindly bushy-tailed mommy passing out apples and books while those evil WASP plutocrats in the background block the doors to Yale with a $160,000 price tag. They are white. They smoke cigars. They hold bouquets of expensive cut flowers. They brandish their diplomas. They must be.... gasp!... Republicans!
Exhibit B:
It's those cigar-chomping WASP Republicans again. Strolling past the shabby, homeless, urban poor with scarcely a glance. Luckily, our little squirrels don't have to look just yet. Mommy has them safe in her garden and deeply involved in learning how to restructure society by building teetering towers of blocks.
Exhibit C:
Oh, no! Here comes that big, bad, lumbering tusked elephant just stomping down the path looking to crush that shabby, homeless, urban poor guy. Hide! Flee! Oh no! Bad, bad elephant. Hide! Flee! So blind and so.... well... white! Hide! Flee! Can nobody save the little squirrels from becoming just a couple of furry wet spots on the path? Can nobody get enough cash together to buy both squirrels a pair of pants? Mommy can do all this and more, because, just like all the real Democrats in real life, mommy spends a lot of time "making sure we are all safe."
Jeremy Zilber, Distinguished Author and Just Another Democrat Guy
Zilber on his magnum opus: " Why Mommy is a Democrat brings to life the core values of the Democratic Party in ways that young children will easily understand .... [This book] depicts the Democratic principles of fairness, tolerance, peace, and concern for the well-being of others. It's a great way for parents to gently communicate their commitment to these principles and explain their support for the party."
Ah, the Democrats, the new American Religion of peace and Understanding. The party of the Secular Saints. The "Not-the-Bad-Party." The personal party of Michael Moore, Barbra Streisand, and the Care Bears. I can just hear those millions of bed time conversations now:
"Jack. Jill. What do you want Daddy to read you tonight while mommy is driving Cindy Sheehan's bus around the country looking for free parking? Good Night Moon?"
"No. No. Daddy. Not that. Read us about the nice squirrel mommy and communicate the principles of the Democrats to us. Please, Daddy. Please... please..."
I don't know about you, but if I was Howard Dean I'd have my people checking this Zilber guy out. He could just be this season's Karl Rove mole. === UPDATE: This use of "children's stories" to say who is "good" and who is "bad" to kids evidently has a long pedigree. Chuck in the comments here gives three links to German propaganda. Here's a bit from one of them, Anti-Semitic Children's Stories:
That is the Jew!Search "Jew" and replace with "Republican" and you've just about got it. === UPDATE 2: An interesting observation from "AskMom" in the comments: "Lost in the sticky margins of "Why Mommy is a Democrat" is something almost always missing from these liberal wastewater fantasies...any hint of where "Mommy" gets the money for her gentle, caregiving lifestyle." === [ HT to Nick Gillespie at Hit and Run who also suspects this of being a GOP plant job, and whose comments contain this gem, "I AM (mostly) a Democrat, and I'm a mother, and I wouldn't buy this book if it were the only way to preserve the English language after the apocalypse." So there is hope for the Democrats after all.]He is the drone of humanity. He is the exploiter of the labor of others. He is an enormous danger for all the nations. If one overlooks this danger, whole peoples can be destroyed. History is rich in examples that prove to us that the Jew has ruined millions of people.
How Orwellian.
Sympathy Hug and a comforting pat on the back
Drunk, I'd gather.
Living in New York, I think I've dated more than one of these Zilber-like beta males...but each of them only once. I bet he has a high-pitched speaking voice, I bet he can't tell a curveball from a fastball, and I bet he likes subtitled films. ICK.
But wait! I remember those folks in the N.Orleans Superdome and how they whined and carried on. I remember the forlorn, blank, hopeless, victimized stares. Those were democrats. And they were definitely poor. But, if you were morally and idelogically bankrupt like they are, and if you were as clueless about life in the real world as they are, you'd not only be poor, too -- you TOO would be a democrat!
So is my mom... and dad... and brother... and other brother and his wife... and their little guy who is probably doomed...
Sigh, maybe we can figure out how to convert them. :(
Let me guess: they like wine over beer, too.
Good Stuff!
I never had a chance at being a Democrat. My grandfather used to tell me stories as a child and Democrat was another name for the "Boogeyman." LOL Oh...and canned biscuits were always called Democrat biscuits. I'll never understand how he came up with that but canned biscuits do suck pretty bad! LOL
Hey this guy might be right!!! Those "Progressives" always have the citizenry's best interest in mind.
I'm sure these nicley dressed men are inspecting playground equipment that might endanger children or banning those badddd cigarettes
Are these folks really talking to kids or to other "progressives" in the only language they'll understand?
A better story is where forrest animals gather nuts for the winter while others play.
Then winter comes, and the working animals have to defend their lives and property against predators.
A woodsman named "Government" comes along, chops down your tree, takes 35% of everything and splits it between himself and some wolves.
My wife was a democrat, when she was in college...she even voted for Bubba, twice! Then her Dad (bless his heart) told her she would be a democrat until she left college and actually had a job where she had to pay taxes. He even told her that she would become a conservative when she got married and had her own kids.
Of course, it helped that she married a conservative in the Air Force... :)
WTH was *that* supposed to convey?!?
Yeah, my wife is a hard line conservative yet she just votes demo...
j/k......;D
Becasue she killed his little brother in the womb.
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