A Few of FR's Finest...Every Day...02-16-06...VP Guns Down Moderate Republican (Satire)

Chris Davis | February 16, 2006 | Chris Davis, Writer33; DollyCali

[DollyCali]

A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day

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Vice President Guns Down
Moderate Republican (Satire)
by Writer33

Washington—In what is sure to bring the White House crumbling down, Vice President Dick Cheney shot a fellow hunter—a moderate Republican and lawyer—claiming it to be a hunting accident and hiding the atrocity for 24 hours before press secretary, Scott McClellan held a press conference.

The accident happened about 5:30 p.m. on a private ranch about 200 miles south of San Antonio, where the vice president has hunted previously. Whittington was treated incognito on the scene by Cheney’s traveling medical detail before being taken by helicopter to the hospital. This allowed Vice President Cheney more time in coming up with a story, as well as prepare President Bush for a possible response.

The responses from the White House were slow in coming, considering President Bush knew what happened the night of the accident and failed to report it to the White House press corps. The egregious error has put the spotlight on Vice President Cheney, President Bush and the lack of any disseminating of information.

The public perception of Cheney’s secretiveness and high and mighty attitude has been heightened by these recent episodes. The hunting accident also has exposed certain disarray and utter incompetence within the Bush administration. The mainstream media—in their efforts to save the world—are calling for Vice President Cheney’s resignation and impeachment of President Bush, leaving the frail Whittington to waste away in the hospital.

The poor, moderate victim, Harry Whittington, 78, reportedly took pellets in his cheek, neck and chest during Vice President Cheney’s vicious attack while claiming he aimed for a bird during a hunt in southern Texas on Saturday. Mr. Whittington was pronounced in stable condition at a Corpus Christi hospital, surviving the onslaught of the merciless shooting, but recently suffered a heart attack after one of Cheney’s pellets moved to his heart.

All seemed well on the surface, but Mr. Whittington claimed that conversations came up involving tax increases to pay for Bush’s war as well as finding no weapons of mass destruction or any links to al-Qaeda in Iraq. Some of the other topics, he noted, were issues on Bush’s illegal wire tapping of innocent civilians, including an adamant stand on moderate behavior and a need for a move to the center for the Republican Party.

Mr. Harry Whittington

“I went to the bathroom and came back,” whimpered Harry Whittington, a Republican lawyer. “The next thing you know I see Vice President Cheney blasting away with an evil glare in his eye. It was horrific! All I could do was yell ‘help, extremist!’ America needs more moderation. Just look at what we have now!”

Whittington was moved out of intensive care on Monday afternoon but Peter Banko, administrator of Christus Spohn Hospital, indicated that he didn’t know when he would be discharged, especially considering recent events and that “Mr. Whittington was lucky to have come back from the hunting trip alive with the party of Genghis Khan.”

“I’ve never seen anything like this,” claimed Peter Banko. “This is just one of the most extreme, brutal attacks I’ve ever seen in all my years as a hospital administrator. It’s just like a hardcore, conservative animal to unleash his wrath on an innocent moderate like Mr. Whittington. I want charges filed now! We’ve got to bring down the terror in the White House!”

“You can’t tell me, an experienced hunter,” noted Sen. John Kerry,” D-MA, “that Vice President Cheney couldn’t see the man while wearing the blaze orange cap and vest. It’s absurd to believe anything otherwise. If they’re not wire tapping your phone, then they’re shooting members of their own party to keep them quiet. I think it’s time for hearings.”

“I’m in agreement with Senator Kerry,” stated Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-MA. “This accident could’ve cost the man the loss of his sight, or even worse, the loss of his life. I think it’s a bit hypocritical of this administration to say that they want to protect Americans and then go around shooting them.”

“I am so ashamed of this party,” cried Sen. Susan Collins, R-ME. “I just wish they could learn to use a little moderation once in a while. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it!”

“I am sick and tired of those that say that disagreeing with this administration is wrong,” shouted Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY. “It is our right as Americans to question authority, especially when they shoot moderate Americans and withhold the information for 24 hours. It’s time that we repealed the Second Amendment and ban hunting in America all together!”

“I think the press is just a pack of hyenas out for blood,” quipped Scott McClellan, White House spokesman. “They’re over reacting and completely missing the point. The point is that the Vice President was aiming center mass. It was a great shot!”

` “This administration is the most secretive administration in modern history,” stated Harry Reid, D-NV. “The vice president accidentally shoots someone—albeit a lawyer—and then keeps that a secret for nearly a day. I don’t even recognize America anymore. This White House has got to go now!”

The lack of disseminating information just may be the straw that broke the proverbial White House’s back, ending in shackles for Vice President Cheney and President Bush. There was a time when conservative Americans could always count on a Republican that couldn’t pull the trigger, but by shooting a moderate Republican, Vice President Cheney has staked a claim on the Republican Party, the Second Amendment and gun control.

Chris Davis
Writer33

12-28-05 ~ Hall of Fame #14

THIS WEEK'S THREADS 02-13-06 Military Monday 02-14-06 Valentine's Day at the Finest 02-15-06 Pets and Friends

Opinions by our own 'King of Ping' Every Thursday at the Finest The guy's good, folks!

[The Mayor]

As soon as I post this, Friday thread will be posted....

February 17, 2006

"Daddy, I Found You!"

Read:
John 20:11-18

We love Him because He first loved us. —1 John 4:19

Bible In One Year: Leviticus 21-22; Matthew 28

In his book Jesus Among Other Gods, Ravi Zacharias tells a story about a girl who became hopelessly lost in a dark and dense forest. She called and screamed, but to no avail. Her alarmed parents and a group of volunteers searched frantically for her. When darkness fell, they had to give up for the night.

Early the next morning the girl's father reentered the forest to search for her and spied her fast asleep on a rock. He called her name and ran toward her. Startled awake, she threw her arms out to him. As he picked her up and hugged her, she repeated over and over, "Daddy, I found you!"

Applying this story to Mary Magdalene's search for Jesus in John 20, Zacharias comments: "Mary discovered the most startling truth of all when she came looking for the body of Jesus. She did not realize that the person she had found was the One who was risen, and that He had come looking for her."

We who believe on Jesus sometimes speak of "finding" Him. But why did we seek Him in the first place? Because, like the shepherd who went out into the darkness to find one lost sheep, God seeks us. He is waiting for us to realize our lostness and reach out to Him. He will pick us up, embrace us, and give us His peace. —Herb Vander Lugt

For Further Study
What is the nature of God's love, and how can we embrace it? Read How Has God Loved Us?

When we find Christ, we discover that we were the ones who were lost.

[DollyCali]

that is gorgeous! I am rather partial to textured backgrounds.. Think I need to snatch both of yours! The pink ones are really brought with the inner background.

Thanks Meg.. trying hard to have PMA today!

:-)

[DollyCali]

thanks you're sweet. We are all beyond expecting "that word" but all enjoy life. Marcia (blond left) is a kayaker & Karen(middle) is a bicyclist. They are 10+ years younger .

[DollyCali]

As soon as I post this, Friday thread will be posted....

lol! I have noticed that the past couple threads I have posted you have JUST posted the cuppa on prior day! thanks for the word Rus

[DollyCali]

good post

[Billie]

As soon as I post this, Friday thread will be posted....

Well, not quite, but you know me pretty well!

Almost ALWAYS late on Fridays with the TGIF thread! :)

[PreviouslyA-Lurker]

You are all fortunate that you have time to enjoy those activities.

[writer33]

A ping for those that didn't get it the first time. For those that did, I'm sorry. Feel free to castigate me at will.

:)

[writer33]

A ping for those that didn't get it the first time. For those that did, I'm sorry. Feel free to castigate me at will.

:)

[Liberty Valance]

ROFLMAO!!!

[Do not dub me shapka broham]

LOL.

Saul right.

-_-

[smoothsailing]

Excellent!

I've really gotta be a little sympathetic with Vice President Cheney,though.

We really could do without all these fancypants moderate Republicans. :-)

[SouthTexas]

The first salvo of tort reform. ;)

[writer33]

And yes...Saul. :)

[writer33]

We really could do without all these fancypants moderate Republicans.

Could someone have hit a theme? Me thinks so. :)

[writer33]

The first salvo of tort reform.

Give me an Amen, brother Texas. :)

[PGalt]

Thanks for the ping. Great work. Chris and Dolly together are like a double-barrel shotgun.

[DollyCali]

Feel free to castigate me at will.

My, that seems rather severe!

OH!

Castigate!

[Diva Betsy Ross]

The more I get pinged to this the better I like it! :] I don't know nuthin bout castigatin you Writer33,that sounds mighty painful..but this I know... I have a hard time thinkin up a snappy nick for your screen name. (a li'll hobby of mine).

Have any advice for that one big guy?

[SouthTexas]

Started on the wrong end of the spectrum though.LOL