A Few of FR's Finest...Every Day...02-16-06...VP Guns Down Moderate Republican (Satire)

Chris Davis | February 16, 2006 | Chris Davis, Writer33; DollyCali

[DollyCali]

A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day

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Vice President Guns Down
Moderate Republican (Satire)
by Writer33

Washington—In what is sure to bring the White House crumbling down, Vice President Dick Cheney shot a fellow hunter—a moderate Republican and lawyer—claiming it to be a hunting accident and hiding the atrocity for 24 hours before press secretary, Scott McClellan held a press conference.

The accident happened about 5:30 p.m. on a private ranch about 200 miles south of San Antonio, where the vice president has hunted previously. Whittington was treated incognito on the scene by Cheney’s traveling medical detail before being taken by helicopter to the hospital. This allowed Vice President Cheney more time in coming up with a story, as well as prepare President Bush for a possible response.

The responses from the White House were slow in coming, considering President Bush knew what happened the night of the accident and failed to report it to the White House press corps. The egregious error has put the spotlight on Vice President Cheney, President Bush and the lack of any disseminating of information.

The public perception of Cheney’s secretiveness and high and mighty attitude has been heightened by these recent episodes. The hunting accident also has exposed certain disarray and utter incompetence within the Bush administration. The mainstream media—in their efforts to save the world—are calling for Vice President Cheney’s resignation and impeachment of President Bush, leaving the frail Whittington to waste away in the hospital.

The poor, moderate victim, Harry Whittington, 78, reportedly took pellets in his cheek, neck and chest during Vice President Cheney’s vicious attack while claiming he aimed for a bird during a hunt in southern Texas on Saturday. Mr. Whittington was pronounced in stable condition at a Corpus Christi hospital, surviving the onslaught of the merciless shooting, but recently suffered a heart attack after one of Cheney’s pellets moved to his heart.

All seemed well on the surface, but Mr. Whittington claimed that conversations came up involving tax increases to pay for Bush’s war as well as finding no weapons of mass destruction or any links to al-Qaeda in Iraq. Some of the other topics, he noted, were issues on Bush’s illegal wire tapping of innocent civilians, including an adamant stand on moderate behavior and a need for a move to the center for the Republican Party.

Mr. Harry Whittington

“I went to the bathroom and came back,” whimpered Harry Whittington, a Republican lawyer. “The next thing you know I see Vice President Cheney blasting away with an evil glare in his eye. It was horrific! All I could do was yell ‘help, extremist!’ America needs more moderation. Just look at what we have now!”

Whittington was moved out of intensive care on Monday afternoon but Peter Banko, administrator of Christus Spohn Hospital, indicated that he didn’t know when he would be discharged, especially considering recent events and that “Mr. Whittington was lucky to have come back from the hunting trip alive with the party of Genghis Khan.”

“I’ve never seen anything like this,” claimed Peter Banko. “This is just one of the most extreme, brutal attacks I’ve ever seen in all my years as a hospital administrator. It’s just like a hardcore, conservative animal to unleash his wrath on an innocent moderate like Mr. Whittington. I want charges filed now! We’ve got to bring down the terror in the White House!”

“You can’t tell me, an experienced hunter,” noted Sen. John Kerry,” D-MA, “that Vice President Cheney couldn’t see the man while wearing the blaze orange cap and vest. It’s absurd to believe anything otherwise. If they’re not wire tapping your phone, then they’re shooting members of their own party to keep them quiet. I think it’s time for hearings.”

“I’m in agreement with Senator Kerry,” stated Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-MA. “This accident could’ve cost the man the loss of his sight, or even worse, the loss of his life. I think it’s a bit hypocritical of this administration to say that they want to protect Americans and then go around shooting them.”

“I am so ashamed of this party,” cried Sen. Susan Collins, R-ME. “I just wish they could learn to use a little moderation once in a while. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it!”

“I am sick and tired of those that say that disagreeing with this administration is wrong,” shouted Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY. “It is our right as Americans to question authority, especially when they shoot moderate Americans and withhold the information for 24 hours. It’s time that we repealed the Second Amendment and ban hunting in America all together!”

“I think the press is just a pack of hyenas out for blood,” quipped Scott McClellan, White House spokesman. “They’re over reacting and completely missing the point. The point is that the Vice President was aiming center mass. It was a great shot!”

` “This administration is the most secretive administration in modern history,” stated Harry Reid, D-NV. “The vice president accidentally shoots someone—albeit a lawyer—and then keeps that a secret for nearly a day. I don’t even recognize America anymore. This White House has got to go now!”

The lack of disseminating information just may be the straw that broke the proverbial White House’s back, ending in shackles for Vice President Cheney and President Bush. There was a time when conservative Americans could always count on a Republican that couldn’t pull the trigger, but by shooting a moderate Republican, Vice President Cheney has staked a claim on the Republican Party, the Second Amendment and gun control.

Chris Davis
Writer33

12-28-05 ~ Hall of Fame #14

THIS WEEK'S THREADS 02-13-06 Military Monday 02-14-06 Valentine's Day at the Finest 02-15-06 Pets and Friends

Opinions by our own 'King of Ping' Every Thursday at the Finest The guy's good, folks!

[writer33]

Thanks for reading, Previously. I appreciate it.

[writer33]

Thanks for reading, Billie. I appreciate it. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[writer33]

Thanks for reading DNDMSB. I appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed it. It's a perfect graphic too.

[writer33]

Thanks for reading, Diver Dave and the poll doesn't surprise me. People know when they see stupidity.

[SoldiersPrayingMom]

Sooooo Cute!!! Thanks Dolly for the good laugh...Hee..Hee...Hee LOL!

I really enjoyed that bit of Satireby writer33, especially "ole hairy kerry"....small duck in a Big Pond!!!
Reminds me of Elmer Fud with his Blunder Bust. LOL!

SPM

[DollyCali]

Missed you! This one stayed PUT! Hope that you are feeling better - those winter colds can really knock you on your backside~ I was down BIG:O for 3 weeks in Jan & another couple weeks to get again feeling "normal, if there is such a thing for me any more,


I have all your packages.. Last one came in mail yesterday. Thank you so much. I have a special CD/DVD container for my political "things". AND THESE ARE TREASURES Mike!

Get Well FRiend!

[DollyCali]

yes he gave me a quite a few laughs along the way also! did receive & respond to your FReepMail..Thanks for stopping by!

[DollyCali]

some thoughts from Snugs on today's dose:

@@@

I could not believe Dick Morris tonight he was virtually accusing the VP of being drunk absolutely crazy. Morris is convinced because the VP did not see the Sheriff that night and go to the hospital with the man or follow him to the hospital on Saturday he is trying to cover something up.

My take on this is

1) The secret service probably arranged for the VP to be interviewed the next morning probably on the advice of his doctors. This is not unreasonable regardless if you are the Vice President and regardless of whether you have any sort of medical history. A person would be in an emotional state and may well not be able to give a coherent and reliable statement straight after such an event. Also to relive it straight away could have a detrimental physical and mental effect on a person regardless of who you are and any ailments you may or may not have.

2)The Vice President probably was not even aware that someone from the Sheriff's office had been turned away that was probably done by the Secret Service and any security attached to the Armstrong Ranch.

In my opinion there is no big conspiracy theory here what was done was in complete consistency with the VP's character. He does not like the press and can see no reason why they needed to be informed immediately and seeing as it happened in Texas is reasonable that it be released through a Texan newspaper. Also reasonable that it is announced by the eye witness and owner of the ranch.

80 posted on 02/16/2006 9:58:00 PM EST by snugs (An English Cheney Chick - BIG TIME)

@

Also I forgot to add it would have been impossible for him to have gone to the hospital that evening for security reasons.

The Secret Service would have had to have been in attendance and probably ahead of him arriving to check the hospital out. It would have turned the hospital into a media circus and could have had detrimental effect on the medical treatment of Mr Whittington.

83 posted on 02/16/2006 10:00:35 PM EST by snugs (An English Cheney Chick - BIG TIME)

@

snugs

The Vice President yesterday talking to Brit Hume

Today arriving at the White House

27 posted on 02/16/2006 7:58:07 PM EST by snugs (An English Cheney Chick - BIG TIME)

The Vice President yesterday talking to Brit Hume

Today arriving at the White House

[MEG33]

Stolen from Pookie

[DollyCali]

Pookie doesn't mind. Only small people get upset over graphic use... Pookie is NOT in that category.

Morning Meg.. your "son" did good ! didn't he.

[MEG33]

Indeed!

[DollyCali]

Luv, where you live in Texas what is the take on all of this... you are much closer in proximity to the "incident"

[MEG33]

LOL! I almost spilled my coffee on that one.

[Beth528]

You are very welcome..

[HopefulPatriot]

Ping for future reading.

[DollyCali]

Pookie had some funny ones..this am.

Busy day here & I need to do the singles thread for this PM

not sure what to do yet. It is a strange mixuture of ages/interests the only common ground being single conservatives..

Think I will go w/olympics but not sure.

And there is a wandering dog in front yard this morn. Looks like collar but not sure of tags. big dog. Shepherd mix. Drat, someone prolly dropped it off. I cant see handling another one.. I am overwhelmed now with life/situations..

I put out some food & water WAY IN FRONT..it seems fearful of me

[PreviouslyA-Lurker]

You're welcome.

PAL

[PreviouslyA-Lurker]

Three beauties.

[Reaganghost]

"...Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-MA. “This accident.."

Senator Kennedy qualifies as an expert on "accidents" and clearly has classified this incident as such. The media "firestorm" over this event would lead you to believe that this incident was no accident. If true are they angered by the Vice President's incompetence at leaving another lawyer alive, his incompetence in not fatally centering his shot on the intended target (I have not seen any reporting as to whether he killed the bird or not-that would lead some credence as to the intended target, quail or turkey), or are they implying that Cheney should have been using a 12 guage instead of a 28, a firearm that can only be welded by an expert?

Ted Kennedy knows that accidents happen, even when you have the best of intentions or all of your intentions are honorable. Hillary knows that accidents happen; she misplaced her Rose Law Firm billing records until the statute of limitations expired and somebody found them on the hall table right where she had innocently left them over a year before. Bill knows about accidents; he never dreamed Monica would keep the blue dress.

If this incident was an accident, what's the big deal? The only way this incident reflects the Vice President's incompetence, is if this incident was no accident. If it's an accident, it's the media's incompetence that is being exposed.

[MEG33]

Evening Primroses and Bluebonnets HOPING THAT YOUR DAY GOES WELL.