A Few of FR's Finest...Every Day...02-16-06...VP Guns Down Moderate Republican (Satire)

Chris Davis | February 16, 2006 | Chris Davis, Writer33; DollyCali

[DollyCali]

A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day

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Vice President Guns Down
Moderate Republican (Satire)
by Writer33

Washington—In what is sure to bring the White House crumbling down, Vice President Dick Cheney shot a fellow hunter—a moderate Republican and lawyer—claiming it to be a hunting accident and hiding the atrocity for 24 hours before press secretary, Scott McClellan held a press conference.

The accident happened about 5:30 p.m. on a private ranch about 200 miles south of San Antonio, where the vice president has hunted previously. Whittington was treated incognito on the scene by Cheney’s traveling medical detail before being taken by helicopter to the hospital. This allowed Vice President Cheney more time in coming up with a story, as well as prepare President Bush for a possible response.

The responses from the White House were slow in coming, considering President Bush knew what happened the night of the accident and failed to report it to the White House press corps. The egregious error has put the spotlight on Vice President Cheney, President Bush and the lack of any disseminating of information.

The public perception of Cheney’s secretiveness and high and mighty attitude has been heightened by these recent episodes. The hunting accident also has exposed certain disarray and utter incompetence within the Bush administration. The mainstream media—in their efforts to save the world—are calling for Vice President Cheney’s resignation and impeachment of President Bush, leaving the frail Whittington to waste away in the hospital.

The poor, moderate victim, Harry Whittington, 78, reportedly took pellets in his cheek, neck and chest during Vice President Cheney’s vicious attack while claiming he aimed for a bird during a hunt in southern Texas on Saturday. Mr. Whittington was pronounced in stable condition at a Corpus Christi hospital, surviving the onslaught of the merciless shooting, but recently suffered a heart attack after one of Cheney’s pellets moved to his heart.

All seemed well on the surface, but Mr. Whittington claimed that conversations came up involving tax increases to pay for Bush’s war as well as finding no weapons of mass destruction or any links to al-Qaeda in Iraq. Some of the other topics, he noted, were issues on Bush’s illegal wire tapping of innocent civilians, including an adamant stand on moderate behavior and a need for a move to the center for the Republican Party.

Mr. Harry Whittington

“I went to the bathroom and came back,” whimpered Harry Whittington, a Republican lawyer. “The next thing you know I see Vice President Cheney blasting away with an evil glare in his eye. It was horrific! All I could do was yell ‘help, extremist!’ America needs more moderation. Just look at what we have now!”

Whittington was moved out of intensive care on Monday afternoon but Peter Banko, administrator of Christus Spohn Hospital, indicated that he didn’t know when he would be discharged, especially considering recent events and that “Mr. Whittington was lucky to have come back from the hunting trip alive with the party of Genghis Khan.”

“I’ve never seen anything like this,” claimed Peter Banko. “This is just one of the most extreme, brutal attacks I’ve ever seen in all my years as a hospital administrator. It’s just like a hardcore, conservative animal to unleash his wrath on an innocent moderate like Mr. Whittington. I want charges filed now! We’ve got to bring down the terror in the White House!”

“You can’t tell me, an experienced hunter,” noted Sen. John Kerry,” D-MA, “that Vice President Cheney couldn’t see the man while wearing the blaze orange cap and vest. It’s absurd to believe anything otherwise. If they’re not wire tapping your phone, then they’re shooting members of their own party to keep them quiet. I think it’s time for hearings.”

“I’m in agreement with Senator Kerry,” stated Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-MA. “This accident could’ve cost the man the loss of his sight, or even worse, the loss of his life. I think it’s a bit hypocritical of this administration to say that they want to protect Americans and then go around shooting them.”

“I am so ashamed of this party,” cried Sen. Susan Collins, R-ME. “I just wish they could learn to use a little moderation once in a while. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it!”

“I am sick and tired of those that say that disagreeing with this administration is wrong,” shouted Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY. “It is our right as Americans to question authority, especially when they shoot moderate Americans and withhold the information for 24 hours. It’s time that we repealed the Second Amendment and ban hunting in America all together!”

“I think the press is just a pack of hyenas out for blood,” quipped Scott McClellan, White House spokesman. “They’re over reacting and completely missing the point. The point is that the Vice President was aiming center mass. It was a great shot!”

` “This administration is the most secretive administration in modern history,” stated Harry Reid, D-NV. “The vice president accidentally shoots someone—albeit a lawyer—and then keeps that a secret for nearly a day. I don’t even recognize America anymore. This White House has got to go now!”

The lack of disseminating information just may be the straw that broke the proverbial White House’s back, ending in shackles for Vice President Cheney and President Bush. There was a time when conservative Americans could always count on a Republican that couldn’t pull the trigger, but by shooting a moderate Republican, Vice President Cheney has staked a claim on the Republican Party, the Second Amendment and gun control.

Chris Davis
Writer33

12-28-05 ~ Hall of Fame #14

THIS WEEK'S THREADS 02-13-06 Military Monday 02-14-06 Valentine's Day at the Finest 02-15-06 Pets and Friends

Opinions by our own 'King of Ping' Every Thursday at the Finest The guy's good, folks!

[DollyCali]

interesting the origin of the poll.. the media normally have quite a slant

[DollyCali]

HI there.. I had not heard about the governor.. prayers of course.. thanks for dropping by & for the info!

[DollyCali]

oh, how nice your mom & you can enjoy teh same thing politically.. always makes for better visits together. Glad she enjoyed it.

[DollyCali]

Hi Jen.. GREAT bumper sticker. glad you enjoyed the thread

[snugs]

Indeed Dolly. He still looked very sad and reflective this morning when he arrived at the White House. Prayers for the Cheney family and of course for Mr Whittington.

[DollyCali]

I sharp salute is so beautiful.. whereas a wimpy one is rather silly looking.

[DollyCali]

Was just at the thread w/police report clearing him of all charges.

whew

[DollyCali]

forgot link

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1579918/posts

[LadyX]

"I had not seen the one of Al Gore before.."

We had great fun with that one during the 2000 Presidential Election, Dolly!
It, by the way, was not a 'doctored' photograph, but an actual one of his *harrowing* stint in Nam as the son of a VIP...
sheesh - 4 months of... nothingness ....

By the way, the large hardback book he and Tipper Canoe wrote about their family has been on the shelves of our local Dollar Tree for $1 for 3 years now!!

[prolly cannot even GIVE them away!
No, wait - perhaps they could send them instead of fruitcakes
at Christmas to the press..:))]]

[DollyCali]

I haven't seen the book either. Tipper always seemed to be the best of the foursome of the years of 41. She had her moments but the best of the worst I guess.

[snugs]

Thanks Dolly will check it out before finishing off the dose.

Great thread you have put up today and thanks of course to Chris's contribution as well.

[DollyCali]

Awwwk!!! Correction..

the years of 42!

[LadyX]

"Tipper always seemed to be the best of the foursome of the years of 41. She had her moments but the best of the worst I guess."

Other than being quite liberal, their girls seemed all right.

However, you no doubt remember all the troubles (DUI's;drugs?) with their son, Al Jr, in North Carolina and elsewhere...wonder where he is now.

It had to be a terrible thing to have his grandfather and father so prominent and "successful," and wonder what he could ever do to equal them...

[DollyCali]

Many kids of famous folks seem to have problems & others seem to do well. I think factors of faith are important but not all kids embrace it. I wasn't aware of any of the Gore children & their outcomes. So far Jenna & Barbara seem to be doing very well. The Nixon girls seem okay (except for the couple year estrangement they had over their dad's library). Johnson girls? Chelsea? well, remains to be seen what she will do/become. Amy Carter? she seems to have disappeared into the woodwork

Maybe this would be a good thread for me to work up,huh>?

[Darksheare]

Anyone ever notice how when Kerry 'salutes', his eyes go in opposite directions?

[Texagirl4W]

I sent VP Cheney an email today letting him know that there were many of us here praying for him and his friend.

vice_president@whitehouse.gov

Also, I sent him an email for his birthday last week and got a very nice note in the real mail yesterday. Nice White House stationary.

[LadyX]

Did some digging:

"His daughter, Amy Carter, was arrested on two occasions as a student activist. She was later dismissed from Brown University for academic reasons."

Children/grandchildren of President Carter

"John William "Jack", was born July 3, 1947 in Portsmouth, VA. His son, Jason James Carter, was born August 7, 1975, and daughter, Sarah Rosemary was born December 19, 1978.

Jack is married to Elizabeth Brasfield of Chagrin Falls, Ohio. Her children are John and Sarah Chuldenko. James Earl "Chip", was born April 12, 1950 in Honolulu, Hawaii. His son, James Earl IV, was born February 25, 1977, and daughter, Margaret Alicia was born September 23, 1987. Chip is married to Becky Payne.

Donnel Jeffrey "Jeff", was born August 18, 1952 in New London, CT. He married Annette Jene Davis of Arlington, GA. They have three children:
Joshua Jeffrey (b. May 8, 1984)
Jeremy Davis (b. June 25, 1987) James Carlton (b. April 24, 1991)

Amy Lynn Carter was born October 19, 1967 in Plains, GA. She married James Gregory Wentzel of Herndon, VA. Their son, Hugo James Wentzel, was born July 29, 1999."

==========================================

As I recall, seeing a write-up/photo of their wedding, Amy's hubby was a hippy type, and she an "art student."

Wore a young girlish gauzy white gown, simple crown of flowers on her head, and I had the impression she *might* have been barefoot for the ceremony...

President Carter, at Amy's urging, wrote a children's book entitled Little Baby Snoogle-flejer (1995) based on stories he told his children when they were young.
Amy when in college asked him to write them, and illustrated the book as an art project.
It was later performed as a children's play.

One son, Jack, recently was on TV with his Dad, running for the U.S. Senate in Navada, where he lives.
"Carter said he decided to run in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. He said he was offended by the federal government's response to the disaster."
"I'm more concerned than ever with the way that the country is headed," Carter said."

[LadyX]

"Anyone ever notice how when Kerry 'salutes', his eyes go in opposite directions? "

Leave it to Tha Darkmeister to point out such details for our edification!
Suppose he wants to see everyone who is impressed with him..:)

[Darksheare]

*chuckle*
I was thinking that it is a nervous facial tic he has when his hand approaches his forehead.
;-)

But it is possible that Kerry is like a chameleon, eyes capable of independant movement to observe prey and valuables.

[DollyCali]

thanks for the digging.. as much as I dislike Carter politically & his religion on a sleeve (but wont shake hands with Dubya?).. I think he was possibly a good father - not sure what I am basing this on. Maybe just feeling someone has to have ONE good side. It wasn't governing or public relations.

Chagrin Falls(where Carters DIL is from) is not too far from me & I get there often for one thing or another. Very nice, quaint community.

Am I reading this correctly? There are 30 years difference between son Jack & daughter Amy? Two wives?