Posted on 02/08/2006 4:02:23 AM PST by LouAvul
Any parent will tell you kids can be depressing at times. A new study shows that raising them is a lifelong challenge to your mental health.
Not only do parents have significantly higher levels of depression than adults who do not have children, the problem gets worse when the kids move out.
"Parents have more to worry about than other people do—that's the bottom line," said Florida State University professor Robin Simon. "And that worry does not diminish over time. Parents worry about their kids' emotional, social, physical and economic well-being. We worry about how they're getting along in the world."
Simon knows from experience.
"I adore my kids," she said in a telephone interview. "I would do it over again. There are enormous emotional benefits. But I think [those benefits] get clouded by the emotional cost. We worry about our kids even when they're doing well."
The depressing results seem to be across the board in a study of 13,000 people. No type of parent reported less depression than non-parents, Simon said.
Some parents are more depressed than others, however. Parents of adult children, whether they live at home or not, and parents who do not have custody of their minor children have more symptoms of depression than those with young children all in the nest, regardless of whether they are biological children, step children or adopted.
Other research has shown there's a bright side to raising kids, too. One study of people with younger children found the parents have greater social networks and higher levels of self-confidence than non-parents.
"Young children in some ways are emotionally easier," Simon said. "Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems."
The research, announced today, was published in the American Sociological Association's Journal of Health and Social Behavior.
Simon also found that married parents are less depressed than the unmarried. But, surprisingly, the effects of parenthood on depression were the same for men and women.
Part of the problem, Simon figures, is that Americans don't get as much help at parenting as they once did, or as is the case in other countries.
"We do it in relative isolation. The onus is on us," she said. "It's emotionally draining."
The primary data was pulled from a study done in the late 1980s. But Simon checked the results against a repeated version of the study from the mid-90s and reached the same conclusions, and she said there is little reason to expect a new survey would yield much different results.
"People should really think about whether they want to do this or not," Simon said of parenting.
My oldest sister, mother of four, once told me something that, when you think about it, makes a lot of sense. It doesn't stop you completely, but it may help:
The end result of worrying is having worried.
believe me if i could disconnect at least a few of the worry-wires in me, i would do it immediately!
Maybe that's part of the reason they became successful?
and i don't totally agree that the end result of worrying is having worried. worrying about your kids allows them to know they are loved and cherished. worrying about your kids allows you to think through decisions you make regarding their welfare and to help THEM make the proper decisions regarding their own welfare, when they are older. like i said, it is horribly sad for those children whose parents are so self absorbed and busy that they do not have the time or inclination to worry about them.
Ah - biology! This is why kids need both a mother and a father. In the early years, the kids absolutely must have the mother to protect them from the dangers of the world. Once the teenage years arrive, the kids absolutely must have a father to protect their aspiring spirits from the "protection" of their mother.
Every now and then, I have to step back and be amazed at the wonder of the Lord's design.
Great post. One night my daughter, then 18, was an hour late coming home from a day at the beach. Her cell phone was dead and I was only getting the machines on her friends' phones. I was pacing the floor, looking out the windows, literally freaking out. When she finally arrived, all I could do was hug her. She could feel me shaking and her eyes welled with tears. She knew right then just how worried I had been, and we've had no further instances of being late without a phone call.
my stomach knotted up just reading your post! i can worry FOR other parents! xsteen is 17 and has been driving less than 6 mo. on her own, and while i have worried about her driving, it has been on a steady sort of low level, i haven't had cause yet to freak. that is probably just a matter of time.
All that reaction because she was an HOUR late? Wow.
I'll spare you the details of my son's adventures. Suffice it to say: No, we never found his first vehicle, his grandmother forgave him for totaling hers, and his new truck should be out of the body shop by Friday. Lord help us.
my son is 14, i can only imagine what you have been through! i know that is waiting for me too!
Her brother made me do it. Please see post 69.
Well, there's your REAL problem - you had a boy! :)
And I worry about my daughter all the time, but that is the role that I've chosen for myself and I make no complaints. Even more than just 'a choice in my life', being 'Caroline's Dad' is one of the primary roles that define me and guide my actions and decisions in other areas. It helps connect me to my community in a thousand ways and I value all of them.
As much as any other thing it's 'who I am'.
bump
No, grandparents will tell you that grandkids are better because you get to spoil them and be the cool grandparent and then send them back home to their parents and not deal with the consequences of the spoiling.
parenting ping
Are they more likely to have "mental illness," or is their "mental illness" more likely to show up as depression?
First, a person with fewer responsibilities would seem to me to be less likely to seek help for mild depression. OK, so he doesn't go out and party for a few weekends in a row. Big deal. On the other hand, a parent has to be "on" 24/7, and if he can't, it seems natural to seek help as soon as possible.
Second, parents can't afford "coping mechanisms," whether obviously problemmatic (Drinking, sexual recklessness, pot) or less so (extreme sports, spontaneous vacation, clubbing).
>> Piano 5:30 - 5:00
Spanish tutor 5:25 - 6:00 <<
You think that's stressful for her, imagine the poor kid's stress... Playing piano for 11 1/2 hours a day while learning Spanish!
LOL, I read this already this morning. Kind of have to agree with it, even for parents whose kids grew up well. They are a constant worry, but they are a constant joy too.
Becky
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