Posted on 01/23/2006 7:33:46 AM PST by Digital Disaster
January 21, 2006 Berkeley, California
My feminist friends think I'm nuts but I had to do it. As a divorced woman well into my fifties, I needed a little "help" getting back into the dating game. After much agonizing, I decided to get a little cosmetic surgery. Nothing really major, just a face, brow, and breast lift. The only problem, I didn't have much money and local doctors quoted me over $15,000.00 for the procedures. Luckily, my cousin Jean knew of a friend's aunt who had a face lift done in Argentina for a fraction of what she would have paid in this country. It was exactly what I needed.
After several hours of research on the internet, I decided to use Dr. Angel Fuentes, as his web page was clearly the most professional. I called the number and he told me he could see me at his Buenos Aires office as soon as I could get there. I couldn't believe my good fortune - not only did he say he was the finest cosmetic surgeon in all the western hemisphere, but his price was a very reasonable $1,450.00 for everything! The fact he sounded like Ricky Ricardo on the phone pretty much sealed the deal and I was on my way to Argentina the next morning.
After arriving, I checked into the stately but worn El Conquistador Hotel. The next morning I took a cab to the Fuentes Medical Center. I have to admit I was a little disappointed by the facility, as it was basically a small stucco building that looked kind of like a house. A sign hanging from the porch read, "Centro Médico De Fuentes y Transmisión Reparación," which I think means "Fuentes Medical Transition Restoration Center." There were several cars on blocks parked in the dirt front yard, and the whole place was very un-medical-like except for the discarded bandages, etc. in the garbage cans next to the garage. Then it dawned on me - I was unfairly judging this place by elitist American standards! I suddenly felt ashamed and realized I needed to approach this whole thing with an open mind.
Inside, the waiting room was decorated like a living room which gave it a cozy and comfortable feel. When Dr. Fuentes came in and introduced himself, I knew I was in good hands. He was charming, professional, VERY handsome, and his insistence that I call him Angel put me totally at ease. After a brief examination, his assistant Juanita led me to the operating room which was very clean and even included a full kitchen. Once on the table, I was connected to an IV and fell into a deep sleep.
I awoke to Ricky Ricardo's reassuring voice telling me everything had gone well. Several hours later I was painfully transported by medical motorcycle back to my hotel, where for the next four days I convalesced. My recovery was painful but uneventful and the staff at the El Conquistador was great, outside of the fact someone took my credit cards, camera, and most of the painkillers Angel had prescribed for me.
I was so excited the day my bandages were to be removed! Juanita did the honors as Angel had been called away on an emergency. I guess my first clue that there was a problem was Juanita's stifled scream when the last gauze was removed from my face. Over her objections, I grabbed a nearby mirror and studied Angel's handiwork. Actually, I thought I looked pretty good except for a few minor things. First of all, I looked like I was really, really surprised, as my eyebrows were now in the middle of my forehead. Also, my mouth was pulled into a big grin due to the tightness of my skin, but I decided this made me look happy, and probably wasn't a bad thing.
What bothered me most was the symmetry of my breasts - I've never seen anyone's actually pointing at each other like mine. For some reason it reminded me of that machine you see in every old monster movie - the one with sparks flashing between two electrode thingies. I couldn't even look down for fear I'd see a buzzing arc of electricity jumping from nipple to nipple! When I asked Juanita about this, she was unable to reply in English, obviously suffering from a freak language block or something. But all in all, I looked a lot less wrinkled and had saved a small fortune, so I was happy.
After returning home, I managed to fix my eyebrows by simply shaving them off and drawing new ones where they belong. Also, thanks to a sneezing fit yesterday that blew about ten staples into the ceiling, my smile is not so extreme, at least on one side. Now I just look bemused and somewhat mysterious - something I think men will find attractive. I'm still trying to straighten my breasts, but a traction system of strings and fishing weights I wear at night seems to be helping.
Let the dating begin!
Always a hoot!
LOL!
"An arc of electricity jumping from nipple to nipple".
This sounds like an auto-erotic lesbian lust fest. I'd love to see the beast and pee-loser, strapped into facing electric chairs, with 2,000 kva, arcing between their nipples. That's some snuff porn that I'd pay to see {and I don't even watch porn}.
We finally found out who is doing Nancy Pelosi's surgery!! I think he must have done Babs too....funny stuff here, I loved it!
She can always have her eyebrows tattooed on. One of my nieces has had her "eye liner" tattooed on.
I had halfway expected to see a picture of Nancy Pelosi on this thread. If you have a ping list, please add me since I almost missed this one.
Moonbeam ping! LOL
...known in doctors' circles as "the full Pelosi".
Did I read this right? Did she outsource a facelift and boob-lift? What about American plastic surgeons and their need to make a living? If this were a tech job would she send it offshore to be done?
Jeeeezus, this idiot makes me want to puke. But I'm laughing too hard......
This had me laughing from the first paragraph! I wish I knew Peace Moonbeam! I think I will visit the website.
Also, as I read on, I sensed the writer was exploiting the PC possibilities of her big decision, and as a conscientious Lib,(I mean a writer masquerading as one) simply couldn't bring herself at any point to face reality.
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