Chuck Norris Facts (might have some foul language)

chuck norris facts ^ | 1/18/06 | Anonymous

[minus_273]

Top Ten Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

[Xenalyte]

Chuck Norris will be our new god.

[Feiny]

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

[CJ Wolf]

http://movies.collegehumor.com/items/2006/01/collegehumor.1652620.mov

Norris discusses the on the danza show.

[Jack Hammer]

Saw Chuck Norris fight Joe Lewis at Madison Square Garden back in the sixties. It was an experience never to be forgotten; very exciting.

[mwyounce]

I saw a news article about Chuck's response to the list (and had that link you posted), and it said that his publicist said that Chuck's favorite one was:

"When the bogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris."

[RockinRight]

I'm just amazed that that dude is sixty-five years old!

He's a SENIOR CITIZEN!

[Liberty Valance]

LOL!!!

[RAY]

Wow!!!!!!!!!

[teenyelliott]

Chuck Norris took my virginity

Twice.

[TheBigB]

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

*ROTFL*

[teenyelliott]

Texas Ranger with a Walker

[moonman]

Chuck Norris and I went to different schools together.

[Petronski]

A photo of Chuck Norris was once printed on Wheaties boxes, but those boxes never made it into stores, because the flakes were too intimidated to enter the box. When he heard of this, Chuck Norris congratulated the flakes on their superlative discretion, then used an incredible series of roundhouse kicks to shred the boxes into pulp to be recycled into the pages of his novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month.

[Last Dakotan]

You gotta love the WWCND and Viva Chuck Norris t-shirts at this website.

[SpaceBar]

I like watching reruns of Walker Texas Ranger because it is obvious within minutes into an episode who will be beaten within inches of their lives.

[Mr. Blonde]

Someone want to tell me when Chuck Norris became Bill Brasky? Now that is a fight I would pay to see.

"Bill Brasky is the father of every kid in this town!"
"Bill Brasky once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!"
"One time I was with Brasky in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Brasky goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Bill Brasky! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Billbrasky' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"
"He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!"
"His poop is used as currency in Argentina."
"He sweats Gatorade"
"He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health."
"He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! .......And he hated irony!"
"I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury."
"He sheds his skin once a year."
"He makes brooms somewhere in Georgia."
"He did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Brasky!"
"I once saw him eat a whole live chicken."
"His favorite movie is 'One on One' with Robby Benson."
"He sleeps eight hours a night! ........ well, he was pretty normal when it came to that."

[MikefromOhio]

I;m bookmarking this thread because it's hilarious!!

[Petronski]

The Energizer Bunny keeps going and going . . . because it believes it is being stalked by Chuck Norris. This is of course not true, since Chuck Norris does not stalk, he merely acquires and destroys.

[BookmanTheJanitor]

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

[Liberty Valance]

:o)))
LOL!