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Jesus favours rock on His iPod
The Register ^ | Tuesday January 17, 2006 | Lester Haines

Posted on 01/17/2006 5:31:52 PM PST by presidio9

Were Jesus to pack an iPod, then he would most likely be moshing to Christian Rock, claims a Beliefnet survey. That's according to 13 per cent of respondents to an online poll carried out by the "leading multi-faith spirituality media company and online community". A further 11 per cent reckoned the Son of God would be punishing his ears with Classic Rock - a figure matched by those who voted in favour of Songs of King David.

Perhaps surprisingly, Traditional Gospel scored just seven per cent while entirely unsurprisingly, Hip-Hop/Rap and Soul/Funk scored just three and four per cent, respectively.

And the other 55 per cent? Well, that's accounted for by the slightly spoilsportish "Jesus would never have an iPod!" contingent. Which, as we all know, is complete rubbish. In the same way that were Mozart alive today he would certainly be using samplers and synthesizers (no, really, of course he would, etc, etc), Jesus' Podcast on the iMount would indeed be an improvement on the traditional method of spreading the word.

For the record, today's survey on Beliefnet asks: "Would you use prayer to ward off bird flu?" Nope, we'd use Tamiflu to ward of bird flu, and prayer to ward off Christian Rock. So now you know. ®


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: christianmusic; ipod
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1 posted on 01/17/2006 5:31:53 PM PST by presidio9
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To: presidio9

This gets my nomination for the dumbest story of 2006.


Of course, it's only January.


2 posted on 01/17/2006 5:35:09 PM PST by Dog Gone
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To: presidio9
Sheeeeeesh

When I shovel manure I rarely comment on it's ambiance.
3 posted on 01/17/2006 5:36:27 PM PST by TexasTransplant (NEMO ME IMPUNE LACESSET)
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To: presidio9

Personally, I think of Jesus as being a Skynyrd fan.


4 posted on 01/17/2006 5:36:52 PM PST by appleharvey
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To: TexasTransplant

(Then again when I pass gas I do survey for a rating)


5 posted on 01/17/2006 5:38:03 PM PST by TexasTransplant (NEMO ME IMPUNE LACESSET)
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To: presidio9

Oh, brother.


6 posted on 01/17/2006 5:39:24 PM PST by buccaneer81 (Bob Taft has soiled the family name for the next century.)
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To: presidio9

Jesus would have a chocolate Ipod, he would want that. And one day all ipods here will be chocolate.......


7 posted on 01/17/2006 5:39:33 PM PST by mosquewatch.com ("The enemy is anyone who will get you killed, no matter what side they are on.")
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To: presidio9

There is no such thing as Christian Rock. Its rock.
--ducking for incoming ;)


8 posted on 01/17/2006 5:40:47 PM PST by Babsig (www.genesysitsolutions.com)
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To: Babsig

HERETIC!! /sarc off ;)


9 posted on 01/17/2006 5:41:50 PM PST by mosquewatch.com ("The enemy is anyone who will get you killed, no matter what side they are on.")
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To: Babsig
In the words of Hank Hill to Christian Rockers, "You aren't making Jesus better you're making rock worse."

I wonder if Jesus would listen to all those bands that sold their souls to the devil? Led Zep rocks no matter which side of the spiritual ledger they are on.
10 posted on 01/17/2006 5:46:59 PM PST by Mr. Blonde (You know, Happy Time Harry, just being around you kinda makes me want to die.)
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To: Dog Gone

I don't think even Jesus wouldlisten to Christian rock...


11 posted on 01/17/2006 5:49:59 PM PST by The Worthless Miracle
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To: The Worthless Miracle
"I don't think even Jesus wouldlisten to Christian rock..."

Hell no. Not a chance.
12 posted on 01/17/2006 5:57:49 PM PST by jdm (WWW-WEBMASTER (My grandfather swears it's his email address))
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To: Mr. Blonde

Led Zep rocks no matter which side of the spiritual ledger they are on.

Take a wild guess.


13 posted on 01/17/2006 5:58:58 PM PST by jwh_Denver (Don't be near Ted Kennedy when his liver explodes.)
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To: presidio9; eyespysomething

Jesus would listen to The Band, and he'd sing along to the Weight (IMHO).


14 posted on 01/17/2006 6:01:12 PM PST by SittinYonder (That's how I saw it, and see it still.)
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To: jwh_Denver

Although it would be easy to guess that they aren't on the side of the Lord, they may have had some spiritual awakenings in more recent times. I will say I'm not going to be throwing any stones for the things they did in their youth. Even the most strong willed Christian would be hard pressed to stay true while in the biggest (and best) rock band on the 70's.


15 posted on 01/17/2006 6:08:23 PM PST by Mr. Blonde (You know, Happy Time Harry, just being around you kinda makes me want to die.)
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To: presidio9

Gregorian Chants weren.t an option!?


16 posted on 01/17/2006 6:10:05 PM PST by ApplegateRanch (Mad-Mo! Allah bin Satan commands ye: Bow to him 5 times/day: Head down, @ss-up, and fart at Heaven!)
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To: presidio9

Two words: Captain Beefheart. I have it on good information that in Jesus' home office above his Mac, he's got a poster of Trout-mask Replica


17 posted on 01/17/2006 6:29:05 PM PST by 0siris
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To: ApplegateRanch
Gregorian Chants weren.t an option!?

Not yet, but soon. :-)

Good tagline, by the way...

18 posted on 01/17/2006 6:33:18 PM PST by rzeznikj at stout (This is a darkroom. Keep the door closed or you'll let all the dark out...)
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To: presidio9
I think He would listen to:


19 posted on 01/17/2006 6:38:42 PM PST by RockinRight ("It's as if all the brain-damaged people in America got together and formed a voting bloc" - Coulter)
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To: presidio9

This is not an accurate poll. If it were accurate it would have results like this:

Traditional Hymns 33.333%

Christian Rock 33.333%

Southern "You're going be singing it in Heaven, so you best be singing it now, lest you end up in the hot place" Gospel 33.333%


20 posted on 01/17/2006 7:10:39 PM PST by TexanToTheCore (Rock the pews, Baby)
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