I need advice dealing with my son's school...

[Conservative Goddess]

YES! An IEP is a powerful big stick....use it. You can even get a paid aid to assist your child if necessary...not relying on an older child as a student mentor.

Seems to me that the bus driver leaves a great deal to be desired....but depending on your state law, the IEP can be a tremendous ally, and a powerful weapon to mitigate the problem.

I also question to what extent Social Security would be available to you to help generally with the additional expenses you will undoubtedly incur....since your wife passed on....and your child has special needs....you should get special consideration. Use it. Everybody else does.

In PA, there are also county mental health/mental retardation agencies to help with this type of situation. I'd look into that too. You may be able to get help....even private homework help through this type of agency.

May God Bless you and your family.

[HuntsvilleTxVeteran]

I am very sad that you lost your wife and I hope you can find a nice woman as a help mate. I was referring to a 2 parent family.
I am mean about people who warehouse their children or parents in old folks home or daycare (not your case) because both parents choose to work.
I got mean about this when I started visiting people in an old folks home. I did it to make me and them feel better.
I noticed that too many kinfolks would visit at first and it would taper off to once or twice a year. It was inconvenient to visit them more.

[armymarinemom]

Sorry if this seems blunt, but you are responsible for your kid... Not the school district or the state.

The bus driver has a lot of responsibilities other than driving the bus. After doing a few disaster drills with them over the years it always amazed me about how much responsibility they had. I know that it's a job I wouldn't want because I just don't have the patience for everyone's children. If 4th and 5th graders are complaining he may well be cut out to drive something other than a school bus.

[Eva]

I don't know where this incident occurred, but in most school districts, the tendency is to circle the wagons around the employees, and become defensive. My suggestion of a peer social skills tutor, solves the problem without pointing fingers and turns a bad situation into a positive solution. Most special needs kids would benefit from socialization training.

[fabriclady]

We requested another person take our order.
My son's were tickled pink.
they still laugh about it.

[Conservative Goddess]

Maybe. Bus drivers are sometimes wonderful retired folks who are just looking for something to do....other times they are just not cut out to do much at all...and they fell into driving a bus. 30 seconds into any conversation will tell you which it is......Since this bus driver has already been reassigned---away from special needs kids.....my guess is that he simply may be ill-equipped for the job.

[RightOnline]

All I can tell you is what we'd do.........a family of seven kids, mind you.

First, if the bus driver was male......I'd pin him to the side of the bus and tell him his ass was mine if I ever had to come see him again.

Second, if the bus driver was a woman, The Lovely Wife (all 6' foot of her, ol' farm girl, green belt in Okinawan karate, my weightlifting partner) would pin HER to the side of the bus and tell her exactly the same thing.

Problem solved.

[wintertime]

I don't know how much your child can understand in terms of behavior modification but I would explain to him what is expected of him when on the bus in terms of being quiet and staying in his seat. ( not2worry)


Phil,

Why not try what the mothers in my church do? Everyday, they take their little children and they "practice" church. They sit with their arms folded, and the mother reminds the children of what behavior is expected during church service. The entire exercise takes about 5 minutes and the mothers make a big game of it.

Why not try this with your son? Take 5 minutes every day and "practice" appropriate bus riding manners and etiquette.

[fabriclady]

I have not read all the post and don't know if this is a single parent home. I would like to know that a parent could drive this child to day care.
However, by raising my son's alone I know how difficult it can be to be all places at all times. You have to make a living and your heart tells you you have to do everything possible for your child. Some decisions can be so heart wrenching, especially for a special child as this one.

[pollyannaish]

You know, I think I would go to the driver first and not in an accusatory way. Just say that you heard there had been a few problems with your son on the bus and wondered if it would be possible to find out what they were.

Then listen. Once armed with his/her version of the story, your sons version of the story and the reports of others you can make a decision as to what you would like to do next.

I would toss the information about last year in the FWIW file for later if needed. Hearsay is a very poor indicator of real events, even regarding our own children.

I have been on both sides of school issues of many kinds. The one thing I know is that the people who get the best results are people who do not treat school employees as enemies or servants, but genuinely try to come to an understanding agreement.

Perhaps he (the driver) could go easy on the volume thing if you promise to work on helping him learn how important it is to stay in his seat. Some of the older kids could mentor your son on the volume issue. I'm just using these as an illustration of problem solving, since I don't know the actual issues involved. However, the greater point is, if you can teach your son, by example, how to solve disputes without blaming one person and "getting rid of him" he will be far, far ahead in his ability to deal with the world as it exists later in his life.

You and the people who deal with your son are a team. Even the jerks, the impatient and the stupid. Whatever you can do to not break down that relationship, without sacrificing your son or your principles of course, will really help him in the long run.

Anyway, that's my advice FWIW.

[tiki]

I don't know who is responsible for you buses but if it is a contractor you need to contact the transportation person in your school district and request a meeting with them and the contractor. Tell them what you just told us.

If that doesn't work (I hate to say this) get an attorney.

[fabriclady]

"I am not overbearing, but I do not tolerate or expect less than good behavior."

And I know you expect the bus driver to not be over bearing and be on good behavior.
I have read some of the post, really good advice.
Follow through and things will get better for the little guy.

[Palladin]

Poor little guy. He's just being a normal 7 year old. They yell a lot!

Go to the principal and say these magic words: "I have been talking this bus situation over with my attorney. He is a civil rights lawyer."

I guarantee, you will get results.

[del4hope]

My thoughts exactly

Phil, two words, Union Thugs

I attempted a battle and felt their were other options than being a martyr.

[del4hope]

post #75 their=there...proofread d4h

[TheBattman]

I would simply approach the bus driver and say "I understand you're having some problems with my son, can I help?"....then just sit and listen and pay close attention. Listen for any hint of frustration, then offer ways of how to deal with your son more productively. The driver may need to be educated on how to deal with him. If he/she knows they can come to you with "complaints" it may help to take the heat off your son.

This is my favorite response yet - and the best choice to begin your quest to help your son.

With such a positive first step on your part, this will disarm defensive response from the driver. This will also put you on more firm footing with the district (and beyond if necessary). If the driver is uncooperative, then you can then be fairly certain that it IS the driver causing most of the trouble. If the driver is willing to work with you and is polite about the whole thing - then there may be hope.

And if all of the above don't help - and it IS the driver being a jerk - then you have lots of documentation and a firm foundation to stand on when bringing a complaint.

[RHINO369]

If you son is being a problem the talk to your son and make sure he sits downs and stops yelling. If hes not responding to the driver, standing up and screaming what can the driver do? If you were at a busy intersection and you had kids yelling and standing up you'd probably yell too. If your sending him to a normal school, riding a normal bus, expect him to be treated normal. Plus whats worse, getting yelled at or getting into an accident while hes standing up. I'd bet you'd sue for wrongful death too.

If your son isn't doing anything wrong (I doubt it, because why else would the driver single him out) then complain to everyone at the school and company you can.

[Galveston Grl]

I did not let my kids take the bus because I never want to put them through the noise and chaos first thing in the morning. I did not want them to start the day so darkly. It was not that big of deal for us to provide transportation to and from school for our kids. Other parents who felt the same joined in car pools. Don't make him go on the bus unless you absolutely have no choice.

Socializing kids through the public schools should be extremely selective by parents. We've used our morning rides to pray about things they were worried about, to pray for their dad or for people who need prayer. Sometimes we've reviewed material for tests and listened to music they've enjoyed at different ages. Always avoid the lord of the fly elements if you can. That would be the public school bus stop and ride!

Good luck. The bus driver does not deserve to have the presense of your son and the older kids on the bus are reallllly cool to have told the teacher in protection of him. So protect him.

[panthermom]

First, I drove a school bus for 2 years so I will give you my perspective.

Bus drivers make extremely low pay. After taxes and insurance I took home about 600.00 per month. That being the case, most of the people who drive buses are either retired or housewives who do it for the benefits. I found that a some drivers didn't have the patience for the kids but most loved the kids, myself included. That being said, one of the most important rules on the bus is to stay in your seat and to talk quietly. The driver needs to concentrate and you have to be able to hear your radio. With elementary children if one gets loud, they all get loud. If one is up walking around before you know it they're all hoping from seat to seat. It can get very hectic when you have 50 kids behind you jumping around and yelling. Also, from my experience, the school does not inform the bus drivers of special needs for privacy reasons, unless its medical such as asthma or diabetes. While it doesn't surprise me the bus driver is impatient, on the other hand the driver has to maintain control of those kids. Imagine if the bus was in an accident or hit another child walking home because of the distractions. Maybe your son would be better off on a special needs bus, there are far less children and the drivers are better equipted to deal with what you are describing or try talking to your son and the transportation supervisor. Good Luck