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Grinchy remark sends kids home in tears
Lebanon Daily News ^ | 12/23/05 | RORY SCHULER

Posted on 12/23/2005 10:07:40 AM PST by TexasGreg

Grinchy remark sends kids home in tears By RORY SCHULER Staff Writer Lebanon Daily News

LICKDALE — Jamey Schaeffer stretched her mouth open wide, showing off a pair of twin gaps in her smile. With a mouthful of fingers, she said she has no interest in two front teeth for Christmas. Instead, she’d like a Barbie doll from Santa Claus — and Santa Claus only.

But a substitute music teacher almost came between the 6-year-old and a Christmas Eve spent dancing cheek to cheek with sugar plums.

Theresa Farrisi stood in for Schaeffer’s regular music teacher one day last week. One of her assignments was to read Clement C. Moore’s famous poem, “A Visit from Saint Nicholas” to a first-grade class at Lickdale Elementary School.

“The poem has great literary value, but it goes against my conscience to teach something which I know to be false to children, who are impressionable,” said Farrisi, 43, of Myerstown. “It’s a story. I taught it as a story. There’s no real person called Santa Claus living at the North Pole.”

Farrisi doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, and she doesn’t think anyone else should, either. She made her feelings clear to the classroom full of 6- and 7-year-olds, some of whom went home crying.

Schaeffer got off the school bus later that day, dragging her backpack in the mud, tears in her angry little eyes.

“She yelled at me, ‘Why did you lie?’” recalled Jamey’s mother, Elizabeth. “‘Why didn’t you tell me Santa Claus died?’”

Elizabeth Schaeffer said she was appalled by Farrisi’s bluntness.

“I had to call the school,” said Schaeffer, a part-time custodial employee for the school district who is on temporary leave after complications from her last child’s birth. “I had to do something.”

Meanwhile, Farrisi, who is well versed on the history of “Santa Claus” — the traditional and literary figure — clarified her comments.

“I did not tell the students Santa Claus was dead,” she explained. “I said there was a man named Nickolas of Myrna who died in 343 A.D., upon whom the Santa Claus myth (is based).”

On Monday night, Jamey started to recite Moore’s famous poem while sitting on a couch next to a freshly cut tree, trimmed in tinsel and topped with a golden star: “’Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house. No creatures stirred.”

She paused, looked up, and said that’s when the teacher interjected, just a few lines before the verse that announces the arrival of “a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.”

“The teacher stopped reading and told us no one comes down the chimney,” Jamey said, curling into a ball on the couch, bracing her chin on her knees, her voice shrinking away like melting ice cream. “She said our parents buy the presents, not Santa.”

Sharing in the belief of Santa Claus is a very special event in the Schaeffer home. Jamey’s the second youngest of five children. The three oldest have already grown up and left the family nest. Only Jamey and her 18-month-old sister, Amanda, remain.

Last year, Elizabeth Schaeffer recalled, Santa left a trail of boot prints in charred ashes from his feet-first landing in the fireplace. And this year, the family will continue their tradition of leaving him a plate of cookies, a tall glass of milk and a ripe, shaved carrot for Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer.

The Schaeffer family wasn’t the only one taken aback by Farrisi’s approach to Santa.

Tim and Beth Rittle said they found their 7-year-old daughter, Holly, in tears in the back seat of their car after they picked her up from school that day.

“All of a sudden, Holly just started crying,” Beth Rittle said. “She said she had a substitute in music class, and she told the class there’s no such thing as Santa Claus.”

Schaeffer and Rittle both called Northern Lebanon School District Superintendent Don L. Bell.

Since the issue involves personnel, Bell said Monday, there is little he can say about the incident, adding that it has not been determined if any disciplinary action is warranted against Farrisi.

Bell said he was aware that several parents have expressed concerns about the incident.

He also noted that the handling of Santa Claus isn’t covered in the school code.

“We do not have a Santa Claus policy,” he said. “It’s unfortunate, but I really can’t say anything about it.”

Farrisi said she considered approaching the school’s administration with her concerns about how to handle Santa Claus in class. Instead, she said, she decided to add a disclaimer to her lesson.

“Those same children are going to know someday that what their parents taught them is false,” she ex-plained. “There is no Santa Claus.”

Meanwhile, Elizabeth Schaeffer was carefully thinking about her next step. She decided to make a photocopy of editor Francis P. Church’s famous response to a little girl, who wrote to The New York Sun many decades ago, asking the same question Schaeffer’s daughter struggled with last week.

“I mailed (Farrisi) a copy of ‘Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus,’” she said, giggling with satisfaction. “I wish I could be there when she opens it.”

As for Jamey, in an attempt to reaffirm her spot on Santa’s nice list, she drew up a new letter in bright red magic marker, a message destined for the Santa she refuses to abandon.

“Dear Santa ... How is the North Pole?” she said, reading her letter loudly and proudly. “How is Mrs. Claus? You are Great. From Jamey.”


TOPICS: News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: christmas; firstgrade; grinch; santaclaus; school
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To: Howlin
Then do the rest of us a favor and not try to appear morally superior to the rest of us.

An ironic statement to see in print, isn't it? Circular logic?
181 posted on 12/23/2005 5:12:01 PM PST by safisoft (Give me Torah!)
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To: FNG

When my son was about 7, he asked me that question, how do we know that Jesus is real if Santa isn't? I asked him, do we go to church every week to worship Santa? Do we pray to Santa every night? Do we go to Santa Sunday school? It was pretty easy for him to see where the truth was, and it was fun for him to know something his little sisters didn't. On the other hand, we really haven't made a big deal about Santa with my youngest son, who is now 4, he's more into Baby Jesus.


182 posted on 12/23/2005 5:13:35 PM PST by happymom
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To: Howlin
So you are saying that you have NEVER under any circumstances told a lie -- an untruth -- a little white lie -- however you would characterize it to your children? Ever? I call BS on that.

As far as I can recall, no.

Honestly, I can't even imagine what I would lie to my kids about.

"Dad, is Santa Claus real?"

"Son, have a seat and I'll tell you all about Santa Claus."

"Dad, are you and mom planning a surprise birthday party for me?"

"That's the kind of topic that, on principle, I never, ever comment on."

"Dad, do you cheat on your taxes?"

"No, I'm scrupulously honest about my taxes. Of course, neither do I just give my money away to the government by not knowing the laws and claiming the deductions that I can legitimately and legally claim."

"Dad, is Bill Clinton a jerk?"

"Yes, I'm afraid he is. At least that's my personal perspective. And so's his wife."

"Dad, is Mr. So-and-so a jerk?"

"My opinion of Mr. So-and-so isn't any of your business."

"Dad, do we go to heaven when we die?"

"Have a seat. I can tell you what I believe, and why I believe it."

Or, more simply, if they're much younger: "Some people believe we just die. Christians believe that we live on forever."

"Dad, how often do you and mom have sex?"

"It's none of your business."

You can believe me or not believe me. I'm straightforward. Your belief or lack of it only reflects on you, not on me.

183 posted on 12/23/2005 5:15:20 PM PST by Luke Skyfreeper
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To: imskylark
I actually know a woman who thought Santa was real for many years after her marriage. Her husband thought it was funny so he always bought the gifts and hid them from her.

I knew a high school student who was convinced that Santa Claus was real because she saw him on TV.

I also knew an older woman who, back in the 30s or so, had no idea of human reproductive biology and thought, as a young woman, that babies just kind of spontaneously happened after you got married.

184 posted on 12/23/2005 5:26:37 PM PST by Luke Skyfreeper
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To: Miss Marple

Merry Christmas to you, as well.


185 posted on 12/23/2005 5:29:26 PM PST by Luke Skyfreeper
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To: Luke Skyfreeper

"I also knew an older woman who, back in the 30s or so, had no idea of human reproductive biology and thought, as a young woman, that babies just kind of spontaneously happened after you got married."

Do we know the same woman! LOL! She also believed that.


186 posted on 12/23/2005 5:29:48 PM PST by imskylark
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To: imskylark

I don't know... did you know my mom?? :-)


187 posted on 12/23/2005 5:31:38 PM PST by Luke Skyfreeper
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To: Luke Skyfreeper

(And before Howlin calls me a liar for having a mom who was an adult so long ago, it was my adopted mom, and she was well past her child-bearing years when she adopted me as an infant. ;-))


188 posted on 12/23/2005 5:33:37 PM PST by Luke Skyfreeper
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To: Luke Skyfreeper
Having said that, I imagine that our kids would generally smile like someone who knows a secret. If asked what Santa was bringing them, they'd probably say, "I don't know what I'm getting" or simply "I don't know."

Actually, that isn't a bad response. But I am skeptical of the ability of a 4-5 year old to keep the secret from their friends. Even at 7, my son is having a terrible time keeping his presents to us secret.

The point was that those who don't do Santa with their kids (mostly) do not because they, in their words, choose not to LIE. Meaning, of course, that we must be terrible people because we LIE to our children.

Your choice is to teach your children to say nothing about Santa, be evasive about Santa or tell the truth straight out and make people mad. I don't view what I teach my children about Santa as a lie. Therefore, I wouldn't view your child who "plays along" with my Santa thing as a liar.

But I guess some people would.

189 posted on 12/23/2005 5:35:38 PM PST by Dianna
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To: Luke Skyfreeper
Your belief or lack of it only reflects on you, not on me.

Actually, it reflects reality. I don't know of ANY parent who would claim that they're never even "fudged" to their children.

But I'm glad to know you, sir; the first perfect man to walk the earth since Jesus.

190 posted on 12/23/2005 5:35:59 PM PST by Howlin (Defeatism may have its partisan uses, but it is not justified by the facts. - GWB, 12/18/05)
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To: TexasGreg

My neighbors son was over today for a while, he's a year younger than my oldest who is eleven. Neither of them believe anymore but he took it upon himself to tell his little sister and my youngest daughter that 'Santa Claus isn't real and all your presents come from your mom and dad.' My oldest was in the bathroom across the hall and she heard him say this at the same time I did. I literally had to physically restrain her from knocking him into next month.


191 posted on 12/23/2005 5:37:00 PM PST by ShadowDancer (I think I may have the Asian Bird Fru. I mean Flu. (Damn, it's starting already))
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To: TexasGreg

That teacher should have extremely low self-esteem to want to feel more knowledgeable than 5 year olds.


192 posted on 12/23/2005 5:51:10 PM PST by winner3000
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To: Dianna
The point was that those who don't do Santa with their kids (mostly) do not because they, in their words, choose not to LIE. Meaning, of course, that we must be terrible people because we LIE to our children.

I don't think I judge others in this issue. I understand both views: those who think the Santa thing is a lie, and those, like yourself, who simply see it as a fable, and an allegory, and not at all as a lie.

So it's not like I'm going, "Oh, look at those LIARS! who mislead their kids about Santa Claus!"

BTW my almost-teen just walked through, and I said, "Tell me about Santa Claus."

She smiled, as if wondering, is this a trick question? why are you asking me this? "He's not real," she responded.

"But a lot of other kids believe he's real," I said.

"I know," she responded. "So-and-so [who's about 11 years old] does."

"Do you feel deprived that we didn't lead you to believe Santa Claus is 'real'?"

"No, not really," she responded. "What's the point of believing in something that's not real? Is there really any point? I suppose you could pretend that there's a Santa Claus, just like you can pretend that there are fairies and ogres and elves and things like that. You can believe anything if you want to. And then again, you can just pretend. It's a lot harder to believe than just pretend."

So I asked her how she would feel if we had told her the Santa Claus story as if it were literally true and real, and then she discovered at some point that Santa Claus wasn't really real.

"I don't know," the older one said. "Probably mad."

Anyway, she obviously doesn't think we've mis-parented her. And neither does her sister.

193 posted on 12/23/2005 6:06:46 PM PST by Luke Skyfreeper
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To: Howlin
Actually, it reflects reality. I don't know of ANY parent who would claim that they're never even "fudged" to their children.

That's because whenever you should happen to meet one, you instantly and automatically brand them as a liar. As you've done with me.

But I'm glad to know you, sir; the first perfect man to walk the earth since Jesus.

I never claimed even anything remotely resembling perfection, I'm not likely to, and my wife wouldn't back me up if I did. But the point wasn't to get into a litany of my faults... (which aren't any of your business, anyway).

I did ask my wife, however:

"Have you ever known me to tell anything even resembling a white lie, or to be less than 100% truthful, to my kids?"

She simply shook her head.

So. I'm sorry to jolt you out of your comfortable self-justification that it's totally fine for you to tell untruths and half-truths to your kids (we're off of Santa here now) because everybody else does so, and in fact it's just downright impossible not to. Whether you acknowledge it or not (and you've already shown that, like many people, you simply reject as a 'lie' whatever you don't want to believe), my experience is different.

My wife also informed me that I was totally wasting my time in this discussion. Unfortunately, I'm afraid she's right.

194 posted on 12/23/2005 6:20:20 PM PST by Luke Skyfreeper
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To: imskylark
I actually know a woman who thought Santa was real for many years after her marriage. Her husband thought it was funny so he always bought the gifts and hid them from her.

I don't know whether to laugh...or cry.

195 posted on 12/23/2005 6:26:14 PM PST by Hildy (Keyboard warrior princess - typing away for truth, justice and the American way!)
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To: Luke Skyfreeper
That's because whenever you should happen to meet one, you instantly and automatically brand them as a liar.

No, that's because the only people I have ever HEARD spouting that drivel on on this very forum.

196 posted on 12/23/2005 6:31:00 PM PST by Howlin (Defeatism may have its partisan uses, but it is not justified by the facts. - GWB, 12/18/05)
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To: safisoft

How you parent is up to you, not up to some know it all bent on destroying the magic of Santa Claus and the innocence of childhood.

But I'm interested to know why you consider Santa Claus a "pagan" custom.

He is based on a real person, a real Saint.

And incidentally, I find it interesting that this same idiotic "teacher" violated the "separation of church and state" by referencing Nicholas, who was named a Saint. Hmmmm.......


197 posted on 12/23/2005 6:57:15 PM PST by GatorGirl (Merry Christmas!)
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Comment #198 Removed by Moderator

To: Howlin
No, that's because the only people I have ever HEARD spouting that drivel on on this very forum.

"People?" As in, plural?

Because less than one hour before you mentioned hearing "people" (plural) "on this very forum" claim that they don't lie to their children, you swore in this same thread:

I don't know of ANY parent who would claim that they're never even "fudged" to their children.

So which is it? You've contradicted yourself. You can plead, "I meant in real life," but by your actual words, you've contradicted yourself.

BTW, I actually remembered you as being (how can I say this nicely? probably can't...) rather, um, arrogant  from a conversation we had a couple of years ago; the kind of person who might:

* publicly accuse somebody they don't even know of something,

* set him/herself up (I still don't actually know whether you're male or female) as being the expert in the life of someone they don't know a thing about (contrary to the actual person's knowledge of his or her own life!!), and then

* NEVER be big enough to back down when you're wrong.

Needless to say, you haven't disappointed me.

Sorry to be so tough on you, but I'm not really impressed with such people.

Incidentally, I received a freepmail (which I now have permission to quote anonymously) from another person reading this thread, which said:

"I don't lie to my kids either. It's not easy but it is definitely possible."

So I guess there are "people" in this forum who make that claim.

Of course, it seems to me that a lot of freepers are interested in actual truth (rather than the spin like the left does). You might consider the possibility that FR has a higher-than-average concentration of people who wouldn't be likely to regard lying to their children as unavoidable.

I'm going to try and bow out here. This is an opportunity for you either to show yourself as a bigger person than I think you are, or to try and get in a parting shot. :-)

199 posted on 12/23/2005 7:33:57 PM PST by Luke Skyfreeper
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To: jackbootlicker
But I think that, for many, their real pain is centered not in the shattered myth of Santa Claus, but in the heartbreak and fear that floods the soul of a youngster when he discovers that he has been betrayed -- lied to -- by the very folks he trusted most.

Maybe. I'm not sure this has to happen, but it might with some kids. It might make a big difference, too, exactly how the parents handle the whole thing -- both in the way they present their version of Santa Claus, and in the way that the respond when the kid comes to them and says, "Johnny said Santa Claus isn't real!"

Again, I'm not hard-nosed on what other people should do, I just know what we do, and that I've always wanted to be very truthful with my kids, and I've always wanted them to feel like their mom and I would always be 100% honest with them (truth is a high value even apart from the kids), and I also want them to always feel like they can talk about anything with me. As most parents would, I would be pretty horrified to hear the words from a 15-year-old, "Dad, I'm pregnant" (or "I got somebody pregnant"), and honestly, I'm very optimistic that those words won't be forthcoming from a teen (we have really good kids), but I want them to feel like they could come and say those words if need be.

As for the 'grinch lady,' whatever your views on Santa, I think she was very unwise. It just wasn't her place to set a classroom full of younger kids straight on that issue. In the terms Texas Mom used, it wasn't her business.

200 posted on 12/23/2005 7:44:36 PM PST by Luke Skyfreeper
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