Posted on 12/22/2005 8:37:43 AM PST by Sonny M
DEAR ABBY: Several of my friends and I were bemoaning our status as single women in our late 20s/early 30s, and discussing an article we had read in The New York Times about how smart women are less likely to get married. We'd all like to find Mr. Wonderful and be married. But if we have to curtail our professional success, financial wherewithal and IQ to do it, how can a person even begin to do such a thing?
I have a feeling you'll say to be ourselves and it will all work out, but thus far it has NOT worked out, and we're starting to worry. Personally, I think we'd be better off to take jobs as "administrators" in a large company somewhere and hope for the best.
Help, Abby! What's the answer for smart, fun women who have their acts together? How can we best poise ourselves to find true love while being true to ourselves? -- LOSING FAITH IN FINDING MR. RIGHT
DEAR LOSING FAITH: The truth is, there are no guarantees that ANYONE (male or female) will land a mate. It isn't easy these days because people are commitment-phobic. And this applies to individuals at all economic and educational levels, not just you at the top. Pairing off is often a matter of luck and timing -- being in the right place at the right time.
Eligible members of both sexes can be found in places of common interest -- places that are intellectually rewarding, culturally stimulating, athletically challenging or financially advantageous. As to whether you should downgrade your job level in order to appear less "threatening," I guarantee that if you don't take financial care of yourselves while you can, you will regret it later. To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, you could fool some of the bachelors some of the time, but you couldn't fool all of them all of the time.
There are worse things than not finding Prince Charming, and one of them is spending your life pretending to be something you're not. So my advice is to stop reading defeatist newspaper and magazine articles. They'll only make you desperate, clingy and depressed -- and none of those traits is attractive to either sex.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently had a baby. We chose a mature, Christian couple to be our child's godparents. However, my brother-in-law is infuriated over the fact that he's not the godparent. He has disowned my husband and wants nothing to do with us. Behavior such as this in the past is part of the reason he wasn't chosen. However, I need to know this: Did we have an obligation to choose him as a godparent? How should we handle his immaturity and controlling behavior? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN OHIO
DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: A godparent can either be a relative or a close friend, and you were not obligated to choose one over the other. Your brother-in-law may be hurt that he wasn't chosen, but his subsequent behavior has been so childish that it's apparent you made the right decision. The way to handle his immature and controlling behavior is to forgive him for it, and go on with your lives.
CONFIDENTIAL TO EDWARD PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy Birthday, baby brother! I hope you're enjoying your special day.
So there are no 'together' people who are single and looking? Are you still single then?
My grandfather always said: "The first step to success is realizing you aren't really what you THINK YOU ARE...."
When I was in college, I was a pretty cute girl (blond hair, 5' 7", 110 lbs). I was also majoring in engineering. I had one guy tell me I was too cute to be in engineering. When I would go out with the girls to go dancing, I would sometimes pretend I was in elementary education. I got a lot more guys interested in me when they thought I was in elementary education. If I told guys the truth, I never got as much interest.
It took me awhile, but I finally found a man who was not intimidated with my engineering degree.
The problem is that some men are intimidated by women in careers that typically mean they are smart: doctors, engineers.
I knew lots of men that were immediately turned off by the fact that I was an engineer. They wouldn't even get to know me.
It was the worst at church. I was in the singles group at church, and I didn't get asked out by one guy. They asked out my friends that were teachers, nurses, and other typical women careers.
Thank God for the guys at work. The good thing about being an engineer is that you do work with a bunch of guys, and I dated a few that weren't intimidated. Then I married a guy from work that wasn't intimidated.
Wow, you said a mouthful with that observation. This belief among white San Francisco women is universal - some of it is justified based on what liberal cities let criminal predators get away with, but on top of that too many Ted Bundy stories and Lifetime Movies of the Week have turned liberal city-dwelling women into paranoids. Interestingly, Asian-American women here don't seem afraid at all - maybe they don't watch Lifetime. ;)
Mrs. Wombat happens to be a wonderful woman whom I respect very much. It was not a rant, but rather satire.
My bad for not putting a sarcasm tag on the post.
Your bad for being a tad too sensitive. You're about the only one who didn't get the joke.
I can not believe myself that our society we live in has come to this!
An enlightened couple chooses God parents outside the family(no relations whats so ever) and is miffed when direct member of the family, obviously is upset.
When was the last time, you Mr.JoeSixpack did such a thing?
BTW, Mrs. Abby needs a major common sense overhaul since the ol'Lady died;
Have you ever tried meeting women at a Church singles group? I am sure there are plenty of nice single women there.
The most fun I had with my husband was when we worked for the same company. I miss working with him! We got very lucky and even got to take a great business trip to Washington, DC. Since we only needed one hotel room, the company got a great room at the Omni Shoreham Hotel. We had a great view of the Washington Monument from our room.
I hope my hubby and I can work together again.
I would have never wanted to marry someone much older than me. We wouldn't have anything in common. My husband and I love talking about our childhood and the similarities. We also liked the same music. We have always been at the same place at the same time, and we both like that.
I know he doesn't like younger women. They are too immature for him.
btt
I would ask "why?"
Also, "why do you think you would enjoy being a wife?"
I'll bet I could get oxy-acetylene flamed for that!
Funny how Bible verses can take on totally new meanings when you look at them from another angle. Thanks for the encouragement, and have a Merry Christmas!
Yup, that's picture proof she'll die bitter and alone. :o)
"What makes you think I don't try?"
I didn't say that.
"Like I said, sometimes things just happen differently for different folks"
My "try" remark pertained to not taking these discussions personally.
"and measuring everyone by the same yard stick just isn't right."
Not doing that.
"Could well be that some of us just haven't met the person we're meant for yet, though I realize believing in such things makes me a kook in a lot of folks' eyes."
Not a kook, no. My views are somewhat different, but they didn't come down from Mount Sinai carved in stone, so they could be wrong or not applicable to you.
It could be that you are *not* aspiring to the impossible, and refusing to settle for anything less. I have no way of knowing.
You put it perfectly. At the same time my wife really is one of the most intelligent women I have even known. Truly intelligent women have always turned me on.
Depending on how old you are, we may just be experiencing genuine changes that occur with passing time (I'm in my mid-20's, and I'm presuming based on the "mom" element in your screen name that you're rather older than I). I've just never experienced that. I majored in physics and mathematics in college, and my english major boyfriend didn't have an issue with it. All the guys I knew thought it was cool.
And I sort-of have the same situation now. By the time I finish my school, residency, and fellowship, I'll be earning 6-7 times what my husband would if he were to continue working after we had children (he's decided to stay home). And we've no friction about that, because I've always respected what he did for work, and I really respect him for wanting to be the one to stay home.
Societal attitudes do change with time, so I'm not meaning to discount what you say has been your experience. And maybe it's not a matter of different cultures...there's no way to know for sure. But based on my own experiences, I'm not willing to say that men are in general intimidated by highly educated women.
When I would go out with the girls to go dancing, I would sometimes pretend I was in elementary education. I got a lot more guys interested in me when they thought I was in elementary education.
And that's the way families are broken up.
Family comes first.
She made the right decision because of his (the brother-in-law's) subsequent behavior? His behavior came after the decision, NOT prior to.
>>> Family comes first.<<<
Not when family is a total boob.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.