Understandin Engineers (HUMOR)

Dec 9, 2005

[SandRat]

Thought you might enjoy this.

Engineers - Take One:

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Engineers - Take Two:

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Engineers - Take Three:

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

Engineers - Take Four:

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Engineers - Take Five:

"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it." Engineers believe that "if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet"

Engineers - Take Six:

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

[BraveMan]

Why Engineers Don't Write Cookbooks

Chocolate Chip Cookies:
Ingredients:
1.) 532.35 cm3 gluten
2.) 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3.) 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4.) 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5.) 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6.) 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7.) 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8.) Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9.) 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10.) 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1.

Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction. Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piecemeal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown.

Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.

[Andonius_99]

no, no, no...it's Post Hole Digger...

[rattrap]

Number five works for Microsoft.

[phantomworker]

Not 'girl', 'woman'!

[Lakeshark]

It was a compliment.....I can flatter with impunity as I am not an engineer........

engineers can't tell what is said without a calculator.

[phantomworker]

Once trained as an enganeer, always an enganeer. It's the calculus that warps the mind. LOL!

[Lakeshark]

I remember.....I try to forget........

[phantomworker]

Question: If nerds live on the west coast and geeks live on the east coast, what are you called in the midwest? ;)

[Lakeshark]

Bad question from ill-educated nerd who forgot how to google....

I am on EST.

[phantomworker]

AA is ET?

[Lakeshark]

Absolutely....it's 12:45.

[phantomworker]

Btw, I like compliments better than deprecation. ;) I do enough self-deprecation the way it is. LOL!
What was that mantra again? The Dark Queen is...

[Lakeshark]

less powerful than she thinks......

:-)

[phantomworker]

Then its' geek time. Better hit the grindstone again... Hope you're having a nice day...;)

[Lakeshark]

Just had to.....

[Lakeshark]

Yep....back to the grind. Just finished lunch.

[lmailbvmbipfwedu]

There has been a Purdue engineer involved in every great successful engineering project since the mid 19th century. By the same token there has been a Purdue engineer involved in every great engineering disaster since the mid 19th century.

[phantomworker]

Even less than I think!!! Don't hate me because I am beautiful!! There's no conceit in my family, it all went to you!!!!LOL!!!

[Bender2]

Many years ago I knew an engineer working on the Apollo Program and if you asked him, "What time is it?"

He would tell you how to build a watch...

[Lakeshark]

Didn't understand that last post......

*Must turn on calculator*