Posted on 11/15/2005 10:32:03 AM PST by Stoat
I'm not sure about that; I only visited Switzerland briefly. Isn't Switzerland famous for having a lot of elves living in the mountains and the forests though?
Hey, why not try screening Santas for a criminal background as well.
You're thinking Middle Earth....
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Not gonna say it.... Not gonna say it......
Me neither, the mod squad can ZOT me for writing it, but they can't stop me from thinking it!!!
Nasty Santa ~ Bump!
Um, does that fall under the, "They should never give a license to a man that drives a sleigh and plays with elves", category?
A friend of yours?? >:-}
EXACTLY!
Kids around here get about 6.3 seconds with the Jolly Old Gent before their pictures are snapped and they are whisked off to KayBee.
Those Swiss Santas must be some speedy guys to get up to any mischief in that amount of time, with Mom-n-Dad standing fondly by...
No you didn't go there! LMAO!
Nope. I've always thought it was creepy.
An SNL Classic:
Laraine Newman: I'm next!
Dan Aykroyd: [ laughing ] Are you sure you want to do this?
Laraine Newman: Sure! You know, I mean it's crazy, this time of year does something to me, I feel like a little kid!
Dan Aykroyd: Make it quick, though - we've got a lot of shopping to do.
Laraine Newman: Oh, don't be such a Scrooge. Where's your spirit?
[ little girl steps off Santa's lap and heads off ]
Mall Santa: Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas, everybody!
Laraine Newman: I'll only be a minute.
Dan Aykroyd: Sure.
[ as Laraine steps up to Santa Claus, she unrolls some toilet paper which she proceeds to place around his lap ]
Dan Aykroyd: Hey, wait a minute! What are you doing?
Laraine Newman: Relax! I said I'll only be a minute..
Dan Aykroyd: What is this?
Laraine Newman: It's for protection.
Dan Aykroyd: Toilet tissue?! You mean, you haven't heard of Santi-Wrap? [ holds up red and green colored toilet seat protection sheet ] Sure.. Santi-Wrap - the colorful, decorative and hygienic way to protect yourself from germs carried by the likes of a part-time Santa Claus.
Mall Santa: [ drinking from a bottle of alcohol ] Ho ho ho..
Dan Aykroyd: Look, he's so jolly, he's smart, he knows if you've been sleeping - but do you know where he's been sleeping?
Laraine Newman: [ sits up with a stir ] Oh, my goodness!
Dan Aykroyd: That's just it, Look, Laraine - I love Santa just as much as anybody else, but, December 26th, Noel over here goes back to the Y.
Mall Santa: [ drinking from a bottle of alcohol ] Ho ho ho..
Laraine Newman: But won't toilet paper protect me?
Dan Aykroyd: Two-ply? Never. Not these germs. Let me show you.
[ show image of Santa's bare leg ]
Dan Aykroyd: This is a picture of Santa's leg. Seems normal. But look at the same picture magnified under a microscope.
[ show circular close-up of tiny little men sitting on a street corner, with little hairs surrounding the lens ]
Laraine Newman: Are those Santa's helpers?
Dan Aykroyd: Yes, those are Santa's helpers. And they're communicable. Now, will you stop using the two-ply?
Laraine Newman: What a fool I've been! [ replaces her toilet paper with one Santi-Wrap sheet and sits ] Okay.. I want a car, and a refigerator, and -
Dan Aykroyd: Use Santi-rap, and I promise you won't get one tick.. from jolly St. Nick.
Mall Santa: [ drinking from a bottle of alcohol ] Ho ho ho.. ho.. ho ho..
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