The Good Wife's Guide (Guys - You're gonna love this)

1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal(especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people.

3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

4. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

5. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc and then run a dustcloth over the tables.

6. Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

7. Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces(if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

10. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first- remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

11. Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

12. Your goal: Try to make sure your homeis a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

14. Dont complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

15. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

16. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

17. Dont ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will alwaysexercise his will with fairness and truthfullness. You have no right to question him.

Noooo, more like this.

1. Have dinner ready. Keep the number for Domino's and your favorite Chinese food delivery on speed dial. Arrange for nice hot meal to arrive just before he does.

2. Prepare your self. Take 15 minutes for belt back drink and swallow Prozac. He want to see you calm when he comes through the door.

3. Be a little gay. . .

4. Clear away the clutter. Take 15 mintues to throw all the socks, towels and underwear your husband left on the floor into front yard.

5. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and run a dustcloth over the tables. Would not want husband to actually be involved in any of his children's activities.

6. Over the cooler months, light a fire under him to fix all those little household repairs he has been promising to do.

7. Prepare the children. After all, they were warned that they would get it when Daddy got home!

8. Be happy to see him. You can now leave him with the kids and head to the mall for a little shopping therapy.

9. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincereity in your desire to please him. It will drive him nuts trying to figure out what you are up to.

10. Listen to him. And his explanation better be good.

11. Make the evening his. No reason for both of you to be unhappy.

12. Your goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and tranquility. This may involve seperate televisions and remote controls, but nothing is too good for your man.

13. Don't greet him with complaints and problems. He's not listening to you anyway.

14. Don't complain if he is late for dinner or even stays out all night. Be a little gay. . .

15. Make him comfortable. Agan, it will drive him nuts trying to figure out what you really want.

16. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a soothing and comforting voice while you tell him that Junior was expelled from school and Sissy has run away with her new boyfriend.

17. Don't ask his questions about his actions or question his judegment or integrity. Honestly, would you believe anything he told you anyway?

18. A good wife knows her place. And trust me--it's her place. She only allows him to live there, so he better be nice!

If it was still like this today, the world would be a better and different place.

Problem/the change, happened back when they decided that they had a penis too!

Young lady goes to college. After college young lady secures a job. Young lady meets young man in 1972. They fall in love, get engaged and get married in small church ceremony in May, 1974.

In April, 1976 wifey discovers she's pregnant. Has first and only child in September, 1976. Wifey continues to work until July, 1976 when hospital and obstetrician bill are paid in full. Hubby generously allows wifey to stay home with baby for first year since wifey is nursing and wants to gradually introduce people food into baby's diet.

Hubby insists wifey go back to work because diapers aren't fun toys like dune buggy's, boats, new car, new clothes or whatever new toy he decides he wants. Wifey goes back to work, pays for daycare, groceries and all baby needs. Must ask permission to buy new clothes when she notices the back of her 'newest' 2 year old skirt is a little frayed. Hubby grants permission.

Hubby sees baby as a wonderful reason he can go out alone 2-3 nights a week since sitters are hard to find. He's usually home by 2:30 a.m., sometimes later.

One night he surprises wifey by coming home at midnight. Wifey is happy to see him home especially so early. Wifey asks him if he'd like her to fix him something to eat. Hubby says no, he'll treat us both by cooking hamburgers.

Wifey sits on couch while hubby is in kitchen. Next thing wifey knew a plate of tomato, lettuce, pickle and onion come flying out of the kitchen door at her. Wifey barely has time to duck when frying pan with hot grease and 2 hamburger patties follow. Frying pan leaves a 5 inch gash 3 inches deep in wall where wifey's head had been minutes before. No words were exchanged until hubby follows frying pan out of kitchen and kicks hell out of the coffee table. When wifey quietly but desperately asks him to stop, he does. He then begins using his closed fists on wifey's face and shoulders.

Wifey makes split decision she must leave the room but the only place to go that hubby's not standing in the way of is the porch. Wifey runs and opens sliding glass door. Hubby slams it behind her and locks it. Wife is left with image of 2 1/2 year old son standing in hall behind hubby, crying and scared. Wifey stands out on porch for 30 minutes, watches as hubby picks son up, pats him on bottom and lays him on couch.

Wifey knows it's not safe for her to go back in so she walks about a mile to the closest pay phone and makes collect call to her Dad. He grudgingly comes and gets her but won't go to the apartment to get son. He berates wifey all the way to his house about making her marriage work.

The next day wifey dutifully goes back to the apartment and starts cleaning up grease, dried tomato, onion and hamburger pieces off of wall, lamps and couch. Hubby comes home and laughs at the mess he made.

Monday morning wifey gets dressed to go to the office, paying special attention to left side of face where bruise from chin to top of ear shows. Makeup covers the worst of it up. I make an appointment with an attorney I found in the phone book.

Thankfully my sister is looking to make a change in her life so we rent an apartment together. Wifey finally becomes ex-wifey in August, 1981. The big jackpot all ex-wives get, I got one too. When I left I was allowed my clothing, my son's crib, the double bed my son was going to graduate into, his clothing and my car. Oh, and with the help of my sister's large ex-boyfriend I was allowed to take the apartment sized washer/dryer my grandmother had given me the money to buy when my son was born.

Yes, this is long and it's the first time I've ever mentioned it on FR. It's also the story of how my first marriage ended. I get very tired of reading about how awful women are and about how women are the *itches.

BTW, sit-rep, I still don't have a penis.

(Oh, his reason? He had cut his finger in the kitchen and he thought I was laughing at him even though I couldn't see him.)

Thanks for the hugs, smooches and understanding. Y'know, I don't think he would have ever hurt our son.

Our son is 29 years old and has lived with his Dad off and on since his senior year in high school. I never interfered with his Dad's visitation rights or said anything negative about his Dad. I was lucky when it came to the times my son did stay with his Dad because his aunt was made co-guardian with my ex so she was there to watch out for him. Also, I've never doubted my ex loves our son as much as I do. Heck, two days after we found out I was pregnant he bought our son his first toy. He just knew the baby was going to be a boy so he bought him a bright red large Tonka mustang.

One good benefit about not talking badly about his Dad is my son has seen how his Dad has been in other relationships so he understands why I divorced him.

My ex isn't all bad, he has his good points too, I'm just extremely grateful I wasn't one of those who stayed and stayed until I did end up dead.

Hugs back at you!

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