Noooo, more like this.
1. Have dinner ready. Keep the number for Domino's and your favorite Chinese food delivery on speed dial. Arrange for nice hot meal to arrive just before he does.
2. Prepare your self. Take 15 minutes for belt back drink and swallow Prozac. He want to see you calm when he comes through the door.
3. Be a little gay. . .
4. Clear away the clutter. Take 15 mintues to throw all the socks, towels and underwear your husband left on the floor into front yard.
5. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and run a dustcloth over the tables. Would not want husband to actually be involved in any of his children's activities.
6. Over the cooler months, light a fire under him to fix all those little household repairs he has been promising to do.
7. Prepare the children. After all, they were warned that they would get it when Daddy got home!
8. Be happy to see him. You can now leave him with the kids and head to the mall for a little shopping therapy.
9. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincereity in your desire to please him. It will drive him nuts trying to figure out what you are up to.
10. Listen to him. And his explanation better be good.
11. Make the evening his. No reason for both of you to be unhappy.
12. Your goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and tranquility. This may involve seperate televisions and remote controls, but nothing is too good for your man.
13. Don't greet him with complaints and problems. He's not listening to you anyway.
14. Don't complain if he is late for dinner or even stays out all night. Be a little gay. . .
15. Make him comfortable. Agan, it will drive him nuts trying to figure out what you really want.
16. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a soothing and comforting voice while you tell him that Junior was expelled from school and Sissy has run away with her new boyfriend.
17. Don't ask his questions about his actions or question his judegment or integrity. Honestly, would you believe anything he told you anyway?
18. A good wife knows her place. And trust me--it's her place. She only allows him to live there, so he better be nice!