Posted on 09/28/2005 9:11:34 AM PDT by pabianice
Movie theater revenues are down 10% in the past three years because of home video technology and because movie quality has objectively continued to decline. We Freepers occasionally review a movie here for fun and to warn others not to waste their money.
So, for a change of pace, let's discuss really bad movies we've seen for one reason or another. I propose three classes of bad movie:
Class 1. A bad movie you sit through because of peer pressure
Class 2. A really bad movie you force yourself to watch because, darn it, you paid for it!
Class 3. Horrifyingly bad movies you simply leave, dragging yourself up the aisle with your arms because your legs have gone numb from shock.
Examples:
Class 1: "The Incredible Lightness of Being" -- stupifyingly bad writing and performances, polished off by a plot involving a serial adulterer physician ruining the lives of all around him for his own sexual gratification – won numerous awards in Europe
Class 2: "The Strawberry Statement" -- I still remember the poster: "The Vibes Were Good, but the Times Were Bad" -- horrifyingly bad performances around a story of beautiful, gentle hippies going to college in San Francisco and lovingly protesting the Vietnam War, only to have the experience ruined by Cylon-like police in riot gear gassing and clubbing them to death during a sit-in for peace; also includes some of the worst dehumanization of women ever portrayed on the screen
"Coming Home" -- what can you say about a movie with Jane Fonda that tells the tale of a maimed vet coming home from the Illegal Vietnam War on Terror to win the heart of a military officer's wife who realizes that her Marine husband is actually a monster (who's also lousy in bed, of course) and so leaves him for the maimed (but good in bed despite the loss of most of his appendages) and virtuous war-protesting vet; movie ends with Marine drowning self by walking into the ocean to atone for his evil acts of national defense
“War of the Worlds” (2005) – This is one big mess of a movie; Aliens have already visited Earth in the distant past to leave their Tripods but then wait until we have atomic weapons and armies before they decide to come back and wipe us out; they arrive at nearly the speed of light in capsules that burrow underground and would be instantly vaporized by the impact; they need human blood to fertilize their Martian Kudzu (“Soilent Red is People!”); it never occurs to the Martians that they need to get flu shots before invading another planet; as the aliens sicken, they conveniently lower their shields so as to be suddenly defenseless against anti-tank rockets; the list is almost endless; the 1954 movie was far superior
"Getting Straight" -- yet another Vietnam vet comes home to attend college and is faced with a school faculty who are all repressed homosexuals and psychotics who determine to drive him out of college; he's saved by heroine who encourages him to Stiock it To the Man!; story ends with the vet kissing his male teacher on the mouth, creating a riot on campus, and then having sex with the heroine on the staircase as the riot and tear gas swill about them in a wonderful collage of color and self-congratulation -- ah!
Class 3: "The Happy Hooker" -- no plot, no production, no acting, but lots of frontal nudity and smashed beds
"Darling" -- critically acclaimed piece of crap about a beautiful, talented, rich woman with the IQ of an end table struggling to make her way in a world of rich men who throw themselves at her feet and take her to fabulous vacation spots
Special Category – What Would Have Been Good Movies But Ruined by One Bad Scene: “A Few Good Men” – Very entertaining story about good and evil in uniform ruined in the courtroom climax, when LTJG Caffee says to the colonel: “I’m a Navy officer, and you are under arrest, you son of a bitch!” Those last five gratuitous words by a screenwriter clueless about the military instantly makes Caffee guilty of disrespect towards a superior officer (a court martial offense) and lower him to Jessup’s level
My husband said he wants to buy you a drink.
Does there have to be a happy ending? At least it was ambitious.
"Nobody is really interested in war flicks anymore, particularly WWII."
Ummm...I am.
And I was oh so disappointed by "The Great Raid". What a great story. What a disappointing movie.
I had heard that someone was making a movie about Iwo Jima...I cannot imagine how they could make a movie about it that would be accurate while allowing people to stay in the theatre watching it...
That would be "Vampires."
BTW: Some say "Videodrome" would qualify as a truly bad movie. I for one think it was worth the price of admission just to see Woods have sex with his television set.
My favorite movie of all time is Good Fellas,even the sound track is great.
You can find more talented people in any high school or bar.
Just in the last year, movies that either my wife or kids dragged me to:
Mr. 3000 - Bernie Mac, dry and humorless
Meet the Fockers - unfunny, leftist garbage
Stealth - Why did Jamie Foxx do this film?
The Honeymooners - I slept through this one
The Up Side of Anger - another Kevin Costner and I forget who the woman was, bomb.
This is just within the last year
I happen to have liked the movie,
but for me it was more because of Daniel Day Lewis.
The most recent stinker I've seen was The Brothers Grimm. Aside from Leana Headley (Angelica) and the computer-generated sfx, this thing blew like Moby Dick! I got a sharp reminder why I despise Matt Damon- he can't act his way out of a paper bag. Heath Ledger did his career no favors either, although he was more appealing than Damon.
My wife and I got a private showing of sorts. We were the only ones in the theatre.
This falls into the "I paid for it dammit!" category.
I never saw Alexander. I did forget to mention Troy, though.
Troy was a number two, only because it stunk, but not bad enough to ask for my money back, but very close.
AI. No kidding. I just kept wanting it to be OVER.
Broken Arrow (w/ Travolta) was horrendous. Pretty much any John Woo is terrible IMO. Face/Off is another awful one by Woo.
Then where? The American film industry? How would you know if you don't go to movies by your own admission. There are plenty of terrific films every year.
I must admit, after seeing Band of Brothers, any war flick will have a tough job topping that one. Say what you will about Spielberg and Hanks, but they did a damn fine job on Private Ryan/Band of Brothers.
I thought "Enemy of the Gates" was good, but could have been much better. I particularly enjoyed seeing that real-life commie Ed Harris get blown away at the end.
I thought Aviator really made Hepburn and family look like idiots.
I would disagree, I found American Beauty to be an interesting movie.
However, I did stop watching the Oscars when "Shakespeare in Love" got "Best Movie" instead of "Saving Private Ryan".
"Deep Impact" really fried me: it was so utterly, contemptibly negative and cliche, from letting the bitchy single-mom boss take her place in the shelter, to the so-called heroine's "conflict" with her divorced father. But it was the smaller things that made this movie so totally insulting, to wit: Remember, the shelter would hold only one million people. Now, one million people is a tiny fraction of the 16 mil here in So Cal, let alone all the folks in the U.S. The chances of you even knowing one of those lucky million selected from all America to go to the shelter, would be very slim indeed. Yet this idiotic, downer, pessimistic, loser of a movie had BUSSES crusing through a SMALL TOWN picking up those folks in that town -- and they were numerous -- that were among that million! As if each town in America would be sending a small group!
"Armageddon," on the other hand, was equally ridiculous on many fronts, but it was upbeat, entertaining, humorous, and above all, optimistic. I loved Armageddon, then again, the opening scene of Bruce Willis hitting golf balls onto a Green Peace ship from his own oil rig was worth the price of admission!
Before Sunset, Eternal Sunshine, A History of Violence, Sideways, Primer, Adaptation, 25th Hour...
Among other things, learning how to read would be a good place to start. Nowhere did I post that I dont't go to movies" by my "own admission."
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