Posted on 09/22/2005 5:48:16 PM PDT by wagglebee
We hear a lot of talk these days about the need to protect and strengthen the traditional American family. Certainly, it is true that the institution of marriage is under attack from every side. But the real threat comes from the multitudes of couples that fail to honor their marriage vows.
Adultery is one of the most terrible "facts of life" in contemporary America. If you watch the daily soap operas on TV many of which are just soft-core pornography you might get the impression that there are more people cheating on their spouses than remaining faithful. And you might be right.
How many people have affairs? That's hard to say because not everybody will answer honestly. But sex therapist Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth conservatively estimates that about 60 percent of married men and 40 percent of married women will have an affair at some time during their marriage. Maggie Scarf, author of Intimate Partners basically agrees.
Since these books were written more than a decade ago, and since more women are leaving the home and entering the workforce, the number of wives having affairs may also have reached the 60 percent range.
Americans have a schizophrenic attitude toward adultery.
While 90 percent admit that adultery is morally wrong, according to a Time-CNN poll, 50 percent say that President Bill Clinton's morals are "about the same as the average married man." While 35 percent think that adultery should be a crime, 61 percent think it shouldn't.
Having an affair simply doesn't carry the social stigma that it once did.
According to Playboy magazine, 2 out of 3 women and 3 out of 4 men have sexual thoughts about their coworkers, and about the same number follow through on those libidinous impulses.
Why do husbands and wives cheat on their spouses? Psychologists cite subjective issues like loss of love and feelings of alienation. Certainly the media pressure of our sex-saturated society is a significant influence.
But a major factor is the easy availability of cheap and plentiful Internet pornography.
Statistics show that 25 percent of all Internet search engine requests are related to pornography.
According to the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, "approximately 40 million people in the United States are sexually involved with the Internet." And while 76 percent of women feel that phone sex or cyber-sex is the equivalent of committing adultery, only 41 percent of men do.
Dr. Alvin Cooper and MSNBC.com conducted an online poll of 38,000 people, and 10 percent admitted that they were addicted to Internet pornography.
What's more, a lot of those Internet sex addicts eventually progress from cyber-sex to real-time sexual affairs.
Some legal professionals estimate that as many as one-third of all divorces may have their roots in Internet porn or online affairs. "If there's dissatisfaction in the existing relationship, the Internet is an easy way for people to scratch the itch," explains J. Lindsey Short, Jr., president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.
The pain and suffering caused by adultery is immense, especially for children. They are more likely never to marry, or to later divorce, if they had divorced or cheating parents. After a divorce, many children are unable ever to develop strong, trusting relationships.
There is a direct correlation between the steady decline of morals and values in America and this more accepting contemporary attitude toward adultery. Part of the reason is because most people have forgotten what a marriage really is.
Marriage is more than just a legal status recognized by the state, or even a temporary social contract between two people.
True marriage is a solemn covenant relationship between a man, a woman and God. It is a hallowed institution that should be revered, cherished, and preserved.
The act of adultery is childish and selfish, and it hurts everyone involved.
It violates at least two of the Ten Commandments: the clear prohibitions against committing adultery and coveting your neighbor's spouse.
If we care about the future of our great nation, we as a people must relearn the virtue and necessity of staying committed to the spouses to whom we are married.
I've seen the verses. Not applicable when the other spouse breaks the vow. There is no vow left to honor. "Till death do us part" is already impossible because you are already parted. God does not ask the undoable.
I recognize that it is an irreconcilable difference of interpretation between Roman Catholics (which I was) and many Protestants. It doesn't lessen my respect and admiration for my Catholic friends who so believe, though I don't share the belief. If anything, I take issue with the fallacy (IMO) of the workaround of annullment. Annullments are given to those married for years, even with children, as though the marriage never happened. And I'm not just talking Kennedys here. I find that a bigger affront to the Creator than remarrying after being dumped by a spouse. But again, a difference of opinion.
Is it legalism to stay true to one's word?
I think it just doing the right thing.
We don't die if we remain single or reconcile, you know. And that is not a sin in the eyes of God.
Tell that to the pharisees and saduccees.
JC stated he wanted mercy not sacrifice.
so what do you say to the child who IS born out of wedlock? that they are "less than" worthy of societal integration because of a bad decision their mother made? Because thats what I hear every time I hear the word bastard...and how children born out of wedlock were automatically shunted out of the 'normal' flow of societal movement...is this what you think we shoudl return to?
Why on earth would someone reconcile with someone who just committed adultry? Trust is very hard to maintain and completely destroyed.
Then I would suggest that the relationship to God needs to be reevaluated to see if it was strong enough in the first place. Think about what David said Psalm 101:3 'I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes.' Think about what Paul said 2 Timothy 2:22 'Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.'
Let me just say that if you are at a place and time where 'a very attractive and willing person is offering fairly uncommitted sex' then you have no business in being there because you have exposed yourself to attack.
Even Roman Catholic priests who swear vows of celibacy can't keep them. So now even us common folk who divorce due to adultry are to remain single? Where is the common sense?
This place is like the Twilight Zone sometimes.
LOL
; )
(You're correct, and I'm glad you're not backing down.)
Ping.
Sure - well then we shouldn't be surprised to see lots of adultery since most people don't know what marriage really is at its core and have no understanding of what it takes to protect the marriage and make it secure by actions they need to take both before and after they get married. Since there is virtually no understanding on that front, the article's point that adultery is really bad and hurts people (and thus people simply shouldn't go there) is mostly pointless.
Oh well, too late for me. I'm already remarried and have teenagers even with my second wife. I might as well line up mistresses. If I'm going to be committing nightly adultery, it might as well be with as many women as possible.
I agree with you again. I'm not defending the decision. I'm just saying what more often than not goes through the mind of a person in that situation.
You also raise an excellent point in exposing oneself to an attack. As a practical matter, I think it's incumbent on folks in commited relationships to not put themselves in those situations.
The single biggest factor when it comes to adultery hasn't much to do with love, loyalty, religion, smarts, morality, or anything like that. It's opportunity.
Hell man, you can get three 20's when she turns 60. You won't even have to mow the lawn.
The single biggest factor when it comes to adultery hasn't much to do with love, loyalty, religion, smarts, morality, or anything like that. It's opportunity.
Don't forget liquor.
Indeed. That's a subfactor of opportunity. ;-)
...and on the other side, there's always Ben & Jerry to blame.
Haha! Well, you are what you eat, after all. ;-)
You think that you are in a postion to argue with God. What do you think this verse means?
Matthew 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
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