Posted on 09/17/2005 6:59:48 AM PDT by teldon30
Dear Amy: I'd like to be in a relationship again, but I never even get asked out (unless you count frisky 85-year-olds and drunks at the corner bar). I'm a 32-year-old woman who's happy, sociable, and attractive. (I paid for college by modeling and continue to take care of myself.) I'm second-in-command at a big company, financially secure, and own a beautiful home. How can I meet men in general, and more specifically, men I'd actually want to date?
Deluxe Chopped Liver
Dear Deluxe: To scare away vampires, it takes garlic and crosses, which make ugly bulges in sleek, satin evening bags. Luckily, all you have to do to scare away men is pull out a business card that says ''senior vice president.''
''Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac,'' said Henry Kissinger. Sure it is — unless you're a woman. Research by Stephanie L. Brown and Brian P. Lewis, published in Evolution and Human Behavior (Nov. '04), seems to confirm what many lonely women at the top already know: When guys go for the woman in the boardroom, it isn't the woman running the meeting but the secretary who wheeled in the coffee and croissants before it started.
Sure, plenty of men will scamper up the corporate ladder for a one-night stand. But, according to Brown and Lewis' study, men looking for dates or relationships tend to prefer their subordinates to their colleagues or bosses. The researchers hypothesize that men evolved to want women they can control as a means of guarding against ''parental uncertainty'' — unwittingly raising kids fathered by the Neanderthal next door as their own. Brown and Lewis think this may also explain why men are suckers for ''behavioral expressions of vulnerability'' — women who act like they might not be able to make it across the street
(Excerpt) Read more at mcall.com ...
This is the key to a lot of the problems between the sexes, and it is more on the female side than the male side. Many women have hypnotized themselves into beleiving that many of their needs, desires, or whims are very important and should be addressed, while simultaneously dismissing the needs, desires and whims of men in general and the men in their lives.
They just don't have what it takes to maintain a good relationship. And they don't maintain a good relationship. Ultimately, that's fair.
LOL. Invisible to men, but the women see these things. One young lady who I didn't even know turned to me once and, in reference to another woman, said 'do you need to be hit with a brick'?
My point exactly.
My point exactly.
You are so right. I'd like to do a little study here at FR...I think we have alot of divorced people on this board and the men, especially, seem really bitter.
While that's part of what might be going on, us men know that single women in their mid to late 30s are much more likely to give us the kind of shallow sex we want without much of a commitment of time and money than a younger, fitter, attractive woman might demand.
Talk about stability, loyalty, maturity, etc. is what a lot of us guys call 'lines' - that is, validate the worldview of the woman we are speaking to, validate whatever she says no matter how dumb it sounds, evaluate her self image quickly and feed it back to her to create that sense of connection. It's easy, really.
I am not saying that's true about you ladies. I am only suggesting what may be motivating some of these men. I'ver been a male all my life, so I have a grasp of the dynamics here.
Exactly right. They got what they wanted. It's not fair at all for them to cry foul when men pursue and get what they want.
Everyone should be happy, as I have said.
~~sigh~~
Guess I'll just skip marriage and go straight to using him for sex ;)
Because the traditional game had rules, and those rules have been abrogated by societal innovations.
That's a possibility that a lot of women seldom seriously consider. I have often heard 'he left before he really got to know me,' or 'he didn't get to know me well,' etc.
Actually, maybe they left because they got to know you and decided you weren't what he was looking for.
Men & women do that all the time. It's part of the courtship conventions. It's not a bad thing.
I have always found it funny that people look at things that way, though: it appears to them that if someone did get to know them, it would somehow be much less likely they would be disinterested. In my experience, the more I get to know lots of people, the more disinterested I get in them!
I've got absolutely no argument with that. If a guy is afraid to step up to the plate, he deserves to get benched. The problem is that some women play the "I'm going to pretend I'm not that interested" card after you've shown interest. And at that point, I figure it's time cash out my chips and look for another game.
Oddly enough, a lot of women with then attempt to retract the "I'm not that interested card", and suddenly get much more receptive. That's when the warning buzzers should go off for a guy.
What else do you want to know?
Are you handy around the house?
Can you fish?
I'm not so good with pies, dump cake in the dutch oven
is more my speciality along with BBQ, I can make ash cakes though, and am a fair hunter, and a mechanical whiz.
I think the authors problem is trying to meet someone
in a BAR.
I gave up alcohol tobacco and drugs years ago
and am not much fun at parties.
Now it's just me and "Digger" the worlds smartest dog tm.
Why do we always waste so much time on these threads? LOL! I'm sitting by the pool at a very nice resort in Scottsdale, Arizona right now...and I'm still wasting time posting on this thread! ;)
hahahaha!!
Women with unusually good looks very often can't seem to cope with the fact that a man they encounter is not hypnotized by them. Trick is, that guy has a much better chance of getting over on her than the guy racing to the bar to get her drinks whenever she looks vaguely in his direction.
I could have moved to Mesa and been close to my brother, but I prefer Tucson. It seems a tad saner...
I'm American of Italian heritage... I like garlic ;-)
Losers! LOL
How is the traditional and biological reality of a man pursuing a woman a headgame?
Because the traditional game had rules, and those rules have been abrogated by societal innovations.
I think the problem is that those rules are still in play
but the current "innovations" make the players uncomfortable
with the rules. Man and woman have been successfully mateing
for thousands of years, which if you look at it in terms of
social innovators is something of a mystery.Which only goes to show that the social innovators haven't a clue.
Any way they certainly don't want to acknowledge the part
chemistry plays in it.
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