Posted on 09/17/2005 6:59:48 AM PDT by teldon30
Dear Amy: I'd like to be in a relationship again, but I never even get asked out (unless you count frisky 85-year-olds and drunks at the corner bar). I'm a 32-year-old woman who's happy, sociable, and attractive. (I paid for college by modeling and continue to take care of myself.) I'm second-in-command at a big company, financially secure, and own a beautiful home. How can I meet men in general, and more specifically, men I'd actually want to date?
Deluxe Chopped Liver
Dear Deluxe: To scare away vampires, it takes garlic and crosses, which make ugly bulges in sleek, satin evening bags. Luckily, all you have to do to scare away men is pull out a business card that says ''senior vice president.''
''Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac,'' said Henry Kissinger. Sure it is — unless you're a woman. Research by Stephanie L. Brown and Brian P. Lewis, published in Evolution and Human Behavior (Nov. '04), seems to confirm what many lonely women at the top already know: When guys go for the woman in the boardroom, it isn't the woman running the meeting but the secretary who wheeled in the coffee and croissants before it started.
Sure, plenty of men will scamper up the corporate ladder for a one-night stand. But, according to Brown and Lewis' study, men looking for dates or relationships tend to prefer their subordinates to their colleagues or bosses. The researchers hypothesize that men evolved to want women they can control as a means of guarding against ''parental uncertainty'' — unwittingly raising kids fathered by the Neanderthal next door as their own. Brown and Lewis think this may also explain why men are suckers for ''behavioral expressions of vulnerability'' — women who act like they might not be able to make it across the street
(Excerpt) Read more at mcall.com ...
Ahh,
I see what you're saying,
but still,
Apacko2 and myself are not only in the 'out of baby making' stage, but we're also in the
"Independent woman of means" stage. Which means being the classic wife model doesn't exactly work for us (OK, me) either. Granted, I'd adore staying home all day...but only with a maid to do all that icky housework that I loathe.
What I'd bring to a marriage is more in entertaiment value, and that's about it. OK, and I'm a pretty good friend too. And I can cook...usually.
Yes I know. I personally would never view a man as less than human. But it does seem that many women view men as a chance to practice their make over skills. I was equating that with early Barbie and Ken play. Me I am distrustful of a guy who comes across as too perfect. I like the human, vulnerable, honest guy over the " Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" type. Sorry you misunderstood my intent.
Men and women who are confident of themselves no matter what level they have reached in the work world a more attractive than whiny, self indulgent, juvenille needy
types found so often in both sexes.
You I will say with assurance are in the former category.
Poets always have the soul of truth. Now that is attractive. PS. I am married so I will say a little prayer that Miss Right comes your way.
The bossiness in sucessful women is part of the problem but a small part. It has a lot to do with most men with their acts together have no desire to humor very successful women's demanding schedules.
Also many women have to sacrifice a lot to get to that point: so they are mid to late 30s and have arrived, but never cultivated a good relationship. Given choice (and men have wide choice with women these days), most men choose to be with a 27 year old women who isn't working late every night over a 37 year old woman who is working late every night. This is true even if, objectively, the 37 year old is somehow more attractive than the 27 year old.
While few single men would turn down a fleeting sexual fling with a very attractive woman, they often have no interest in keeping her as a companion or mate. So we'll seize the opportunity to get over on the 37year old single hot executive babe, but in time we will stop returning her calls.
Since there are plenty of attractive women with more compatible time demands, men have the choice and freely exercise it. They reject some women and accept others. It's entirely fair.
Also at this function were many dealership and municipal dignitaries, and one of the women looked like somebody's-future-ex-wife if I ever saw one! She looked in her early 40s, attractive, over-dressed, cheap and inappropriate spike-heeled shoes (we women notice things like that, I'm afraid! Meow!), and there was something of desperation about her. Out of several dozen beautifully dressed handsome men at this function, they seemed somewhat repelled by her. It was interesting, and possibly all imagined on my part!
my grandfather told me all about him.
Alkhin
Yes, lovely day!! Wonderful day to go fishing, walk along, talk a little, enjoy God's good earth and our many blessings. You and Face ready to go? Who knows who we might meet!
That's not entirely good advice.
It really has to do with what the woman has in mind and her expectations. A woman in her mid 30s has a more limited range of choices than a woman in her mid 20s, for reasons I outlined in this thread. Even a good man has no interest in an absentee mate - one he finds out that she won't be around more than she will be, he will likely (though not definietly) replace her with a more compatible woman.
Also very religious folks tend to be very traditional. A verytraditional man may not desire a woman who makes more money than him and who has excessive career demands. The truth is, and I have said this many times on FR, he doesn't have to. Now more than ever, finding a compatible woman is a buyer's market, not a seller's market. The woman in her late 30s with a great career is just competing with many women who offer more of what men are interested in. Her situation is not impossible: she just needs to focus her attention on men more her speed, and maybe expand her taste a bit to include different races, maybe an older man than she desired, etc.
You're addressing the symptoms, not the problem.
Perhaps we should make an "avoid like the plague" list of warning terms:
-take charge as needed
-lifestyle I could become accustomed to
-respect my space
-I have only guy friends
-treat me like a little princess. (just ewwww)
-I am independent successful career minded...
not a perfect list but a worthy concept.
I have a fairly good looking female boss. She's blonde with a nice figure. She's married.
We're lucky she speaks to us once a month. She walks past us with a rare hello. If you do your job, there will be very little contact with her.
Her husband jumps through more hoops than a French minefield. She brings home dogs by the ton and doesn't want kids. She's a political liberal and a fanatical feminist. Sound appealing?
You have to appeal to them, Deluxe sweetie. It might help to quit swinging your elbows and barking orders at them.
Remember, only the man has to be in the mood!
Yes, that's a part of it. The thing many women don't (or won't) understand is that there are many women they are competing with who are a better natural fit for many men. As I say, we get to date the women we want, and they get their career. Perfectly fair.
Oh no, you didn't imagine it. As described, such a creature is distilled man-repellent. ;)
Now if she were early twenties and dressed like that (sans the desperation), the men would have been much more interested...
I'm hearing a lot of this "40 is the new 30" crap being promoted to women these days.
I'm a firm believer in that with your mind, you can be any age you want, but physically, no way. Sure you can work out, eat right, and have a very healthy nice look that can make you appear younger than you are.
But for males and females, physically, 40 in NOT the new 30. 40 is 40, and 30 is 30 when it comes to having children. Women are more at risk in their 40's of having more strainful pregnancies, children with birth defects, or not being able to concieve anymore. Men's fertility starts decreasing as well.
Many women are being told they are most empowered by not getting married or having children in your 20's and 30's, and then magically when, your 40, then its time to think about settling down and can start having children right away.
I have loved him from afar ever since I've been lurking on FR. I bet a lot of Freeper women do. I absolutely LOVE to read his posts, what a deep, intelligent man.
Are your cheeks burning yet MadIvan? Really, I'll guarantee you have your own groupies on here.
SHHHHHHHH!!!! more than he'll ever know! LOL
None of that is necessarily true. She could be otherwise a nice woman who genuinely wants a good relationship with a man. The thing is, she doesn't offer what most men wan't. Sucks to be her, really.
That is very true, but a man can't lead a woman that refuses to follow.
Until men learn the nature of the prevailing double-talk, they will not be able to provide women with the clear choice they must make.
Our society is not predicated on Biblical principles, our notion of marriage, is. Without men who can provide the clear dividing line into our relationships, and women who will not try to side-step it, we will continue to have men that can't be bothered and women that can always find a way to blame.
They do that. Women always make the first move. I have been patiently told this over and over. It is men who miss the move, or, just as effectively, assume that every nervous tic is a move. Either way the relationship gets started, either party has the power to turn down or turn off the intensity if it is desired to go slower. To even consider a 32-year old professional executive woman for marriage, which isn't something that would be a light, first date kind of decision, the man should be 67, ideally.
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