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Posted on 09/06/2005 11:05:03 AM PDT by ExitPurgamentum
by Margaret Friedlander Brinig, Douglas Allen
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'These Boots are Made for Walking': Why Most Divorce Filers are Women
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Abstract: Because of the financial and social hardship faced after divorce, most people assume that generally husbands have instigated divorce since the introduction of no-fault divorce. Yet women file for divorce and are often the instigators of separation, despite a deep attachment to their children and the evidence that many divorces harm children. Furthermore, divorced women in large numbers reveal that they are happier than they were while married. They report relief and certainty that they were right in leaving their marriages. This fundamental puzzle suggests that the incentives to divorce require a reexamination, and that the forces affecting the net benefits from marriage may be quite complicated, and perhaps asymmetric between men and women. This paper considers women's filing as rational behavior, based on spouses' relative power in the marriage, their opportunities following divorce, and their anticipation of custody. |
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Not only that, but you can bang as many people as you want while getting the check, and don't even have to account for how you spend it.
Isn't that the "freedom" all women crave?
Yes and no. I've found that training the younger women to conservative values (read that as; this is a gun, we'll learn to shoot..Survivor TV is not reality...this is a garden, it's a good thing...Hillary clinton is NOT the smartest women in the world...etc) takes much more time than convincing an older women that I really DO have a job, a home and a vehicle. To each his own FRiend.
Good point. Just didn't want the 30 year olds to get their hopes up. ROFL.....
After the initial six months in the rack, I'd probably be bored to tears by someone that younger than me.
*ducking and running for cover*
The funny thing is, they don't make those buggy whips anymore. I thought the industry should have been subsidized.
"Every sociological malady can be traced to whether dad was at home. "
True, utterly true.
A bit broad with that brush, aren't we?
What is being said is that divorce courts are stacked against the man. OH! How insightful.
LOL, some of those guys I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole! They seem to have as many "issues" as the women!
Good points all around.
When I think of a divorce and a check I certainly meant a alimony check.
Support checks are another story. A man who was making 150K to 200K per year who quits his career so he doesnt have to pay child support after he leaves his family for lies and alcohol is a dog.
I could care less about the story. The children who are not being supported emotionally or physically by the turkey women and men who leave their families is an outrage.
"but they aren't necessarily happier in the end. They have to live with themselves."
I fear you assume they share your values. Most of the "taking class" seems to be very similar to my pet cat, "DemoCat".
DemoCat earned his name by always being there for a free meal AND feeling entitled. Alas, same for the "taking class", be they NOLA basket cases or divorcees.
It's been my experience that when there's a major, major upheaval, it's not about the money. It's not about the possessions or the children. It's more about the Power. Who's the Winner. Who got it over Who.
One thing I have learned, the only one who suffers is the kid if the parents can't come to the table. And THAT should be their first priority. Not who gets aunt Mabel's coffee service....
I'm paying more than that PER KID.
I'll trade!
just joking... my ex dumped his career so he could not have to pay much support. And he is so proud about it. My kids slammed from upper middle to lower middle in about two years. From a mom at home schooling and keeping house to a mother gone six days a week to make ends meet.
I dont know what went on in your case, but your kids will always remember that you didn't duck your responsibilities. My children were old enough to realize what he was doing, and they have terrible problems with self-worth. A father forms self worth in a child, you see.
Speaking purely from my own experiences and observation:
Nothing is worst than a bad marriage, except a bad marriage with kids.
My mother picked four losers, much like many women, she married for the wrong reasons.
Divorce was the only sane solution for all of her marriages. (#1 (my dad) was an alcohlic serial cheater, #2 left to go back to his own country, never returned, #3 serial wife beater, drug user, #4 alcoholic, wife beater who she stayed with because by now she was to quote Mom, “too old to get another man”. Eventually he went to AA, but still was/is an abuser, just sober now.)
Some people should never marry....
As for me personally, I divorced very young because I also married the for the wrong reason (great sex, not love) and I divorced her before children came into the picture.
My friends who are currently divorcing/having problems or who recently divorced did so for the following reason:
1) Infidelity (A former friend’s wife got an STD, husband admitted to cheating. Three kids ages 10 through 19)
2) Infidelity (My sister-in law was caught in a long-term affair. They reconciled, but live in separate room of the house, and stayed together even though the marriage counselor recommend divorce. Two kids, 12 and 15.
3) Abuse: Marriage counseling/faith/love can fix a lot of things, but an abusive husband is not usually one of them. (One kid, age three)
When it comes to abusive husbands never reconciling their wayward ways, I am sure there are exceptions, I just don't know of any. (I spent 16 + yrs as Air Force Security Police and a part time civilian cop, so I may be jaded…)
Last year, my son's teacher paid us the best possible complement. She said that she has lots of children of divorce, and that she could always tell which ones they were, except for our son. He didn't seem damaged like the others.
the only women who don't get a divorce are the ones who have husbands who are actually afraid enough of divorce to cater to their increasing demands."
Wow, I assume the sarcasm tag but for folks who think this comment accurately sums up their situation, I had a very different experience. We were married for 29 years, madly in love, had three kids, worked hard, never cheated and then she died. "Catering" to her needs must have been one of those subtle things I never noticed that happened when we were busy having such a good time with each other.
I've seen it but never had to live through it personally. I truly don't have words for this type scenario.....
Every thoughtful gesture was clear evidence of a guilty conscience. This gets really old very fast.
I eventually got the message and stopped doing thoughtful things.
It was only a matter of time after that...
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