The .357/.38 combo is good - there are lots of guns chambered for .357, and any of those will shoot .38. The caliber is good because the two weapons can share ammo.
There is a trade off between size of gun and perceived recoil. Lighter guns tend to kick more, of feel more harsh. The best advice is to try before you buy. The shooter needs to be comfortable with the gun. .22 is useless, unless you want to use it to bag small critters to eat. Well, a .22 is great for general practice, ammo is real cheap ;-)
My personal favorite is .45 auto on a "Lightweight Combat Commander" frame. I have small hands too, and it (the weapon) is quite easy to manage - takes lots of practice to get proficient.
The LW Combat Commander tends to have cracking problems - and in .45, the recoil is significant. I love the 1911, but the Glock 30 is a much better option for the recoil-sensitive, and there's no external safety lever to confuse neophyte operators.
If the grip of the 30 is too thick, try the 36. Same gun, slimmer grip.