Posted on 08/23/2005 3:02:59 PM PDT by IowaHawk
The Michael Moore Fat Farm Diaries (h/t: the Timinator)
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August 19, 2005
Dear Friends,
Wassup? You may have heard by now that I have taken the "Slacker Uprising Tour" on a personal health retreat to the Pritkin Center in Florida. Unfortunately, some of the reports of this in the corporate media, like 'Faux News,' are based on complete distortions and outright lies. First, the Pritkin Center is not some cushy "spa" for overweight corporate war profiteers. Think of It as an elite guerilla training center.
The truth is, I enrolled here at the request of my dear friend, Cindy Sheehan, whose child Casey was senselessly slaughtered on the altar of BushCo's oil interests. "Michael," she said, "don't do this for you. Do it for me, and the millions of your fans around the world who made Oscar®-winning Farenheit 9-11 the top grossing documentary of all time." Grieving mother Cindy's lonely vigil on that dusty road, under the blazing Texas sun and glaring klieg lights, inspired me to "buff up" for the coming insurgency against PNAC and Halliburton and their puppets in Baghdad.
Cindy also told me not to worry about the $3800 per week training fee. "That's hardly a fraction of what the chickenhawks spent training Casey to die for the Zionist war," she noted. I am humbly dedicating my stay here to Cindy and Casey, and I vow to emerge a slimmer, stronger, more attractive agitator for Truth. See you in a week!
Yours,
Michael Moore
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August 20, 2005
Dear Friends,
There is something very strange going on here. My alarm clock went off at SEVEN FREAKING A.M. this morning, even though I gave the staff strict instructions that I was not to be disturbed before 10:30. The so-called "counselor," Sergio, began barking orders, like a bad cariacture of Curtis LeMay, and forced us down the hallway in an Orwellian march to the dining hall. And I use the term "dining" very loosely. "Breakfast" here apparently means grapefruit and bran flakes, without a single union-made pastry or sausage link to be found. I suspect the food service here may be involved in backroom deals with General Mills and the Florida Citrus cartel, and their exploitation of non-unionized migrant workers.
Gotta go, Sergio is barking something about exercise period.
Keep Agitating,
Michael Moore
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August 20, 2005
Dear Friends,
Have you ever been subjected to 15 straight minutes of side stretches and deep knee touches? Well I have. With every bark of Commandante Sergio and his aerobics interrogators, my mind recalled the painful deprivations of the illegally-held detainees in Gitmo and Abu Ghraib. I intended to document this horror on film and send the tapes to my staff for editing, but when I approached Sergio for an interview he confiscated my camera and microphone.
I am still catching my breath, and late for lunch at the dining hall. More on this silencing of dissent later.
Regards,
Mike
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August 20, 2005
Dear Friends,
Lunch confirms it. Not only is the food service in bed with Big Citrus, they are deeply connected to Tyson and the skinless poultry trust. Can someone please Google "Pritkin dining hall" and see if there is any link to Kellogg, Brown and Root?
Gotta go, I'm catching an hour of the Randi Rhodes show on Air America before afternoon recreation period.
Fight the Power,
Mike
Click here for more Moore
Great work!
Is he really in a fat farm? How will that effect his chances of having a massive and fatal MI?
Yep, he's really at a Florida fat farm. Reported in the NY Post today (click header link in article).
BTTT
This is either a set of fake letters or Mikey must have found a ghost writer who can actually put a sentence together, and do it without going in to a rabid, hatefilled, maniacal diatribe on his hate for Bush, America, Republicans and freedom.
"Yep, he's really at a Florida fat farm."
Wait a minute. Isn't a "farm" a place where you produce large quantities of that which is described by the adjective in front of the noun "farm"?
What kind of fat do they raise at a fat farm?
Is there any way you can get a show, to be broadcast opposite "The Daily Show"? You would put them out of business in under a month.
This makes my eyes water.
Send Oreo Double Stuffs.
This is a joke.
You have obviously missed reading Iowahawk before. It's parody at its best.
I should have made it much Moore obvious.
Indeed :) No harm, no Mike.
I loved the part where he and his accomplices get caught trying to sneak off to Olive Garden for bottomless pasta. ROFL!
It had the tinge of believeability, even if
in jest, that the Moo-er wrote it, until
the author mentioned Curtis LeMay....LOL!
Like the Moo-er, would have a *clue* about who
LeMay was.....(snicker)
Seriously, politics aside, I'm glad for Mikey's sake that he's trying to pare off some poundage. As entertaining as the thought of him thrashing around in John McSherryesque death throes on a future Oscar broadcast might be...he's better off this way. If it works out and he's not smuggling in tres leches cakes from Versailles and stuff like that.
P.S.: For Mikey's benefit, Columba Bush is a good Mexican girl.
If I was at that farm wih him, after a day and night I would be scared to close my eyes. I'd be scared that this fat pig would try to eat me while I slept.
" I suspect the food service here may be involved in backroom deals with General Mills and the Florida Citrus cartel, "
LMFAO!!!!!
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