Posted on 08/07/2005 9:04:46 AM PDT by nuconvert
Posted on Thu, Aug. 04, 2005
School on Aug. 8? Are they insane?
BY DAVE BARRY
Here's a multiple-choice test:
When should the school year start?
A. Sometime around Sept. 1, when most of the United States of America has started school for many decades.
B. On Aug. 8 -- also known as ''smack dab in the middle of summer'' -- when the average Florida classroom is roughly the same temperature as a pizza oven.
If you answered ''A,'' you are correct. If you answered ''B,'' you are an official of Miami-Dade or Broward public schools. These officials have decided that our children need to start school on Monday, when children from normal places are vacationing with their families, or attending summer camp, or lying on the sofa picking their noses and playing video games, which is what God clearly intended early August to be used for.
Among the children who will be trudging into Miami-Dade schools on Monday is my 5-year-old daughter, who enters kindergarten this year. When my wife told me the date our daughter would start school, my fifth question was: ``Why?''
(My first four questions, in order, were: ''Aug. 8?'' ''Did you say Aug. 8?'' ''You mean, like, the eighth day of AUGUST?'' ``Are they INSANE??'')
I found out that the reason for the extremely early start of the school year is -- as you veteran parents already know -- the FCATs. FCAT is an acronym standing for ``(Very bad word) Comprehensive Assessment Test.''
These are standardized tests that are administered to all public-school students in Florida to confirm the sneaking suspicion among us older people that these kids today are just not as sharp as we were, dadgummit.
The FCATs have come to dominate public education in Florida. At one time, the purpose of the public schools, at least theoretically, was to educate children; now it is to produce higher FCAT scores, by whatever means necessary. If school officials believed that ingesting lizard meat improved FCAT performance, the cafeterias would be serving gecko nuggets.
So what they've been doing is starting school earlier and earlier, to give teachers more time to drill the kids for the FCATs, which are given in February and March.
Last year, school started in the third week in August; this year it's the second week. If this keeps up it's only a matter of time before we're starting the school year around Memorial Day, which means parents will have to go on their family vacations without taking their actual families, keeping in touch with their children by postcard. (''Dear Dylan -- Disney World is great! Wish you were here! How do you like second grade?'') Yes, it would pretty much destroy childhood. But think of the FCAT scores!
Some other ways we might improve our FCAT performance are:
1. Expel students who are expected to do poorly on the FCATs. The school could send the parents of these students a letter that said: ``We're sorry, but we do not believe your child is capable of producing the kind of FCAT scores that we need to maintain our average here at Coral Snail Elementary.''
2. Import students to Florida from places that tend to produce high standardized-test scores, such as Japan.
3. Cheat. Hey, this is Miami-Dade County! If we can't cheat, what's the point of living here?
4. Instead of starting the school year insanely early, give the tests later.
Ha ha! I'm just kidding with that last one, of course. What a crazy idea! But I sure wish we could find a way to avoid the gradual elimination of our children's summers. I suspect many of you parents out there feel the same way.
In fact, that gives me an idea: Why don't we all write letters to our school board members telling them how we feel? We could collect all these letters and put them in a big box, and then, on the day of the next school board meeting, we could throw the box into a Dumpster. Because I seriously doubt that the school board cares what we parents think about this; if it did, it would never have decided to send our kids back to school on Aug. 8.
No, probably all we can do is shut up, pay our taxes and take our kids to school on whatever day works best for FCAT purposes. On Aug. 8, I'll be dropping my daughter off, with her little lunchbox in her little hand. We prefer to pack her lunch; she's allergic to gecko.
It is nuts!
Why is it nuts? Why do kids need the entire summer off of school? So they can get work done on the farm? The idea of the 3-month break is antiquated and it needs to be revised. I'm all for a few weeks here and there, but three months is just ridiculous.
Maybe it's partly because the NEA doesn't want parents to OWN their children... if you know what I mean. The children belong to the establishment, not the families.
That's just silly. Yes, we start earlier but we get out before Memorial Day. The school year is the same length!
My kids get two weeks off for Christmas and a week for Spring Break. There are also numerous "teacher planning" and conference days as well as Labor, Veteran's MLK, President's Day, the usual. Last year, many schools in Florida missed days for hurricane closures. My kids actually had to go to school two extra days to make up for them and we never even got a direct hit.
I'd much rather vacation in June and July than in August, when it is hot as Hades. I simply can't believe that schools in Miami-Dade don't have air conditioning as the rest of the schools in Florida apparently do!
And September in Florida is just as hot as August. It doesn't cool off here until October at the very earliest.
This is all much ado about nothing, IMHO!
Hmmm.......I'm suspicious. How old are you?
I love Dave Barry...once again he NAILS it.
In some counties here in Florida they started school LAST WEEK. Yes- LAST week.
Tell that to large businesses that get to try to schedule all their employees vacations in a two month time frame.
I don't see what's up with all the whining. My kids start on the 15th. They have been out since the middle of May. I am fine with it. They got their three months off.
Our school has a semester before Christmas and one after. It seems quite logical to me.
Wait until his child's school starts the year round BS!
Some schools here tried that for a couple yrs. and went back. Some are still doing it.
I feel sorry for those kids.
I grew up in Puerto Rico. During my entire K-12 time, we always started during the second week of August and ended in the middle of May, taking the entire Holy Week off. Going to private school or college was a kick, because then you were able to start in the third week of August!
Starting school in September seems weird to me...but then again, that's just me.
I heard that there is a bill up for vote in Texas to have school start after Labor Day. Apparently, the tourism industry has been hard-hit by school starting early.
From the time I can remember we always started the Tuesday after Labor Day and got out on Flag Day (June 14th).
We always had these days off, Columbus Day, Veterans Day, Thanksgiving Day and the day after, Christmas week (till the day after New Year's Day), George Washington and Abe Lincolns Birthday, (that has been taken away and now we get Presidents Day and MLKing Day instead), the Holy Days of Easter, and Memorial Day.
In NW Florida school started on Aug. 4. Next year it's starting on Aug. 3.
I have a lot of problems with the schools here in CA (only one of my children is in public school), but I'm thankful we don't start school here till a few days after Labor Day. Schools get out the 2nd or 3rd week of June.
For us, August is for camping...vacationing...and playing by the pool. :)
I feel sorry for those kids
Other states have passed their bills dealing with this situation. In North Carolina, it has to be after August 25th, and in Wisconsin, school cannot start earlier than 1st of Septemeber.
While I am not a home schooler, I always felt the two months off from school was very valuable to my children to learn about life.
P.S. What do you expect of Broward County voters????
Well said.
Because Dad gets two weeks off, and if he takes them at the end of August, he gets another day off due to Labor Day.
Besides, we LIKE hot weather.
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