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Is Living Together Before Marriage Totally Accptable? ...Freeper Insight Needed
7.31.05 | mlmr

Posted on 07/31/2005 3:19:52 PM PDT by mlmr

So I have been trying to rent an apartment in my home...and all I have answering the ads are boyfriends and girlfriends. No matter what social status, no matter what income level, I am seeing unmarried twenty, thirty and forty year old couples who want to live together. If I question them, they don't even understand why I am asking.

These are Christians and Jews. I was so surprised to find that it would be so difficult to find a young married couple.

Tell me Dear Freeper...am I totally out of the ballgame to expect to find a young married couple? Am I expecting something that just isn't in our culture anymore?


TOPICS: Society
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To: wildcatf4f3

>Its living together after marriage thats always been a problem for me.

Marriage isn't a word... it's a sentence. (just kidding, of course).


221 posted on 07/31/2005 6:54:05 PM PDT by XEHRpa
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To: Mrs. Don-o
Nobody was talking about consuming, owning, using or accessing other person.

People were saying that it helps to know a person better, warts and all, before you make a full legal commitment.

By living together you're already making a pretty serious emotional commitment, and if that commitment is as serious as you both think it is before biting the bullet and choosing to move in together, it should survive that experience well enough to make you both want to move to the next step and make that commitment full and permanent.

222 posted on 07/31/2005 6:56:47 PM PDT by SpringheelJack
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To: dufekin

You're living in Saudi Arabia, right?


223 posted on 07/31/2005 7:03:18 PM PDT by eddie65
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To: SpringheelJack

Statistically, those who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate than those who do not.

Biblically, it is wrong and there is no way to justify it.

Unfortunately, our society is much more interested in public opinion than in Biblical truth.


224 posted on 07/31/2005 7:08:52 PM PDT by arjay (Grow bold, not old.)
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To: arjay; SpringheelJack
Statistically, those who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate than those who do not

Somehow, SpringheelJack missed the "higher" part in his earlier responses on this point. The thing is, what God wants for us is what is good for us. What we willfully demand, in contrast, tends to hurt us. That's why "the wages of sin is death," and the price of shacking up is a less stable marriage in the future.

225 posted on 07/31/2005 7:14:39 PM PDT by madprof98
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To: SpringheelJack
Peace, brother. I wasn't talking about your relationship (didn't know much about that), but about your analogy.

You test-drive a car because you are perfectly free to buy, sell, trade, redesign, or disassemble and reassemble cars or even leave them in the junkyard. A car is a commodity.

A person, though, is emotionally, spiritually, and physically designed to do one of two things when they have sexual relations:


226 posted on 07/31/2005 7:15:24 PM PDT by Mrs. Don-o (Make love. Accept no substitutes.)
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To: mlmr

I don't know if I can ever make an honest man out of him . . . but at least I can get the law on my side. ;)


227 posted on 07/31/2005 7:26:23 PM PDT by Xenalyte (Anything is possible when you don't understand how anything happens.)
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To: mlmr

I don't quite get your point. Are you trying to shield your children from the fact that people who aren't married do live together? Wouldn't it be better, rather than trying to give them such a sheltered life, to discuss living arrangements, or whatever, with your children and tell them why you disagree, or agree, with those actions? I've raised my son to be aware of as much out there as possible, and hopefully given him the tools to make informed decisions in accordance with our values about his life and how he wants to live it. I can assure that your children will find out about couples having premarital sex sooner or later.


228 posted on 07/31/2005 7:29:05 PM PDT by eddie65
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To: madprof98
Somehow, SpringheelJack missed the "higher" part in his earlier responses on this point.

I haven't, but I don't think it contributes much to the discussion unless you think that marriage just in itself represents success. My parents have never divorced and hence would puff up your statistic, but their marriage isn't happy. Others who did live together before marriage have had far happier marriages. It all depends on the people.

229 posted on 07/31/2005 7:34:10 PM PDT by SpringheelJack
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To: Mrs. Don-o

I never made that analogy, Mrs. Don-o. Look back in the thread. I think the comparison is off the money, but rather than make an issue of it I thought I'd just keep it light and answer truthfully a car question.


230 posted on 07/31/2005 7:42:48 PM PDT by SpringheelJack
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To: SpringheelJack
My parents have never divorced and hence would puff up your statistic, but their marriage isn't happy.

Perhaps they stayed together "for the children." Not being sarcastic. In fact, the stats do indicate that the adult children of parents who stayed together--even when they might have preferred not to--are emotionally and otherwise better off than the children of those who sought greener (and younger and sexier) pastures. But living for others is evidently not your cup of tea. Which is why your marriage, like the marriages of so many people today who shack up to "test the merchandise," will probably not be what a marriage can be--and why your children will no doubt suffer for it.

231 posted on 07/31/2005 7:50:09 PM PDT by madprof98
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To: madprof98
But living for others is evidently not your cup of tea. Which is why your marriage, like the marriages of so many people today who shack up to "test the merchandise," will probably not be what a marriage can be--and why your children will no doubt suffer for it.

Those words seem far too judgemental for my tastes, although I agree with you philosophically and on religious and moral grounds.

God still sits in His Heaven and His Spirit can and will influence the hearts and minds of men and women everywhere, urging them to turn to His Son and put on a new countenance. We help in that endeavor (at least in my experience) by witnessing in love and understanding as to His truth...and being direct where necessary, but avoiding being judgemental and offensive. Sometimes people will be offended no matter how we approach our witnessing...but I have not seen that in this particuar poster on this thread.

Just my opinion as weak as I am personally in trying to practise it.

232 posted on 07/31/2005 8:02:48 PM PDT by Jeff Head (www.dragonsfuryseries.com)
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To: madprof98
The marriage I witnessed firsthand was destructive. I don't know how I would have turned out if they'd divorced, but I do know that what I grew up in is not a situation to raise children in.

But living for others is evidently not your cup of tea. Which is why your marriage, like the marriages of so many people today who shack up to "test the merchandise," will probably not be what a marriage can be--and why your children will no doubt suffer for it.

You assume things about me you're in no position to assume. Personally, I think the casualness with which you think you can judge, and predict the futures of people you don't even know (as well as their children!) has the chance to lead to its own set of problems --- in your marriage, in your children, in your life. But those who best know you can best say.

I like knowing as much as I can about someone before I commit myself to life with them. The decision is that important.

233 posted on 07/31/2005 8:10:19 PM PDT by SpringheelJack
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To: SpringheelJack
Yeah, I realize you were responding to another person's analogy.

It's something to think about, though. I think for most women (not all, maybe, but most) it's the security of a good man's loyalty that makes it possible for her to experience real fulfillment and joy in sexual love. If a man says, "That's the one thing I choose to deprive you of. This is a test-drive" -- it's wrong. It hurts her heart. Hurts yours, too.

Sex is supposed to mean "we belong to each other." This is built into the language of the body. If you don't really belong to each other, it is a kind of untruth, because you are contradicting the message of your own flesh. Non-marital intercourse just drains the meaning out of sex.

I wish you well; I very sincerely do. I wish you true love, because it is an inestimable treasure.

234 posted on 07/31/2005 8:15:39 PM PDT by Mrs. Don-o (In love, you give yourself as a gift.)
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To: Jeff Head
Those words seem far too judgemental for my tastes . . .

I notice SpringheelJack quickly picked up on your comment. And why not? To those who deny the reality of evil, the only sin left is "judgmentalism," isn't it? Sorry, but I disagree with you. What we need is a whole lot MORE social disapproval of behavior that is destroying human lives. The children who are the ultimate victims of casual cohabitation and divorce (and the two go hand-in-hand) are voiceless in the whole matter. But they are made to pay the price for the selfishness of their parents, while the adults who might have been able to curb that selfishness by a sharply directed rebuke or two just sit idly by and "mind their own business". . . or perhaps even rent the shack-up couple their spare room.

235 posted on 07/31/2005 8:39:35 PM PDT by madprof98
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To: unbalanced but fair
Referring to women as a having a shelf-life is sexist.

How?

236 posted on 07/31/2005 8:44:54 PM PDT by Petronski (I love Cyborg!)
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To: Petronski
How?

Hmmm...truthfully, if you don't know there's hardly a point in explaining it. But the implication is that women are only valuable as child-bearers...which in turn eliminates quite a few women, including older women, as having value.

Geez I can't believe I had to explain that!

237 posted on 07/31/2005 8:53:37 PM PDT by unbalanced but fair
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To: unbalanced but fair

Yes I do watch the news. The sinful,fallen condition of the world is pretty sad to see. I'm sure it grieves God greatly.


238 posted on 07/31/2005 8:56:03 PM PDT by cyborg (to love,honor and obey...)
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To: Mrs. Don-o

I'm coming closer to the conclusion that it is all a crapshoot greatly influenced by genetics (IOW, whether your parents have divorced or not). Would love to see some statistics on whether the chosen dating model (courtship/dating/living together) has a greater influence on the success of a relationship than paternal behavior or not.


239 posted on 07/31/2005 8:56:58 PM PDT by Seamoth
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To: cyborg
Yes I do watch the news.

So you would agree that there are people who should not be parents?

240 posted on 07/31/2005 9:08:22 PM PDT by unbalanced but fair
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