Why Women Must Change Too if we are to Rescue Marriage

The Financial Times ^ | July 5, 2005 | Richard Tomkins

[sandbar]

>>>Don't forget, women demand equality in the workplace... or they'll sue.>>>

Yeah, as if that is wrong.

If I do YOUR work, I expect YOUR pay. Not all women are mothers, or should be held back because some are.

[randita]

This trend is partly a result of the fact that baby boomers are a spoiled, self-obsessed bunch of brats (and I say that as one of them). Parents deprived during the Great Depression and WWII spoiled their kids rotten.

It may take a couple of generations and may already be happening that young people are themselves determined not to have children, then divorce like their parents did, but instead want their marriages to last. That's partly the reason why young adults are waiting longer to get married and have children.

My two cents....

[Bon mots]

When the male female earning power drastically changes into being lopsided the other way, with women outearning men the way men used to outearn women in the 1950's, a basic flip flop of roles would be expected, and certainly after womens "time" becomes worth so much more than mens time, women will have to give up all the menial unpaid tasks that they used to do - esp around the house.

Then in these cases, the men get custody of the children and alimony in the event of divorce? After all, it is a documented fact that children raised by fathers in motherless homes do much better than those raised without a father present.

[softwarecreator]

... stop telling little suzy to put away that vile toy stove, and pick up a toy jack hammer, and the gays stop telling little bobby that it's just dandy to wear pink sweaters and frollic with the boys

You got it exactly right.  My kids are in the age range of 20 to 11 and it seems like every 3 out of 5 of their classmates (mostly the boys) are either gay or it won't take much to convince them to switch sides.  When I was their age there was maybe 1 out of 100 that was a "bit strange" but now ... woah.  I went into a store the other day and all five of the "male" employees were totally flaming!

What is going on???

[mcshot]

I think it is.

mc

[MichiganCheese]

I thought it would be fun to point out on this thread that Mrs. MichiganCheese and I are celebrating our anniversary today! Do we have wedded bliss every waking moment of our lives? No we do not. Do we have full, satisfying lives together full of love and respect? Absolutely! I wouldn't change anything.

Too bad the feminists are tearing apart what the very things they say they want. The will never get love and respect unless they are willing to give it. They will never get love and respect from their life-long series of one night stands, or from their lesbian flings or from taking everything they can in a divorce or whatever else they think will make them happy.

Selfishness never brings fullfilment, giving does.

[Tax-chick]

Moral laws are like physical laws - they work whether you "believe" in them or not. A society that abandons Christian marriage and family is a society that will fail.

[PayNoAttentionManBehindCurtain]

I didn't read the whole article. This sentence stopped me:

People are a lot less willing to sacrifice their independent lifestyle

GGGRRRRRRRRR. Well no wonder no one wants to get married with this attitude. "SACRIFICE"

I had a conversation with a friend the other day about having children. He viewed having children as "giving up you freedom". This attitude astounds me. No doubt, getting married, and havinhg children change a persons lifestyle. But to view those changes as "sacrifice" and "giving up freedoms" is, IMO, a truly selfish, horrible attitude. And to go around saying things like that were young people hear it is what is turning them off to having a family. Why not speak of the wonderful gains of having a family rather then talking about so called sacrifices.

Becky

[Publius6961]

to learn the other day, the proportion of children born outside marriage has shot up from 9 per cent to 42 per cent since 1976. In France, the proportion is 44 per cent, in Sweden, it is 56 per cent and even in the US, with its religious emphasis on family values, it is 35 per cent.

This raises a fascinating question, since the U.S. appears still to be on the trailing edge of change. Taking Sweden as the "leader", if you'll pardon the expression, the US is at 38% less, 21% less than France, and 17% less than Britain.

But this is deceptive, because some demographic groups tend to breed more bastards than others and a different breakdown might be more useful.

In other words, the U.S. may be in much better shape than it appears, or worse, depending on your point of view.

[digitalman]

This must be a male thread. ummm, errrr guys don't mean to give you a curve ball, but the name of the author is a 'male' one.

The break down is marriage is due to more than just women not changing. Women do suffer economically after the marriage ends. Many women are single moms, and usually with jobs which pay less than the males.

To blame everything on the the changing of the male roll and not being 'needed' to bring home the bacon, is taking the easy way out. A friend I had lunch, told of her 'religious' hubby coming home from work, stating divorce was nothing all the 'men' do it, (not sure where this guys religion, probably in his butt).

The truth is marriages are braking down because they are not valued in society. People believe what they read, all they hear from the friends, and yes, even sometimes 'bad' advise from 'not well intended' family members.

There was an article which I came across, it stated something about people were never inteneded to live as long as they do, more divorces will happpen in older years, because of a longer life span. Well, now people will read that and believe this also. Another excuse.

Truth is it is because as an American society we do not value marriage (yep, even many religious dudes give lip service on this, and I do mean 'lip service'). America is about money, self centerness. ( this gives control freaks added fuel to a marriage brake down) It is nothing for people to have two, three and even four spouses in America (at seperate times, I laugh when these people say look at those men in the middle east, I usually think to myself, heck bud, at least they are still with him, and he's supporting them, you have had the same number yourself).(((that statement will make a lot of people angry, it is stated to make ya angry, and to make you think!!!!))))) And no I am not for polygamy, and not for serial polygamy, oh, sorry, think that is call serial monogamy.

It is not just about women changing, it is about the American society will all the lip service of 'families' the reality is it is not, the values among it's people is money and self interest focused. can't let the fellow males wimp out blaiming it on the 'little woman', it is more complex a problem than that.

[mlmr]

How else can teens today rebel against the baby boomers? The one thing that BB did not do when they were young is act out homosexually en masse.

[Chgogal]

You mean the only thing that isn't Bush's fault is a woman's fault? Figures! ;)

[Publius6961]

she said an important principle was that "husbands have to respond positively to their wives' request for change" - for example, addressing the anomaly that women tend to do the larger share of the housework.

"She said" is a very revealing part of that statement, for therein lies the fallacy that there is any unfairness.

My experince has been that, in fact, the women do a disproportionate amount of the work around a household, but a moot point has always been that they also "invent" a much more disproportionate percentage of the " must do list": a self-fulfilling prophecy.

"Are necessary" and "I decided it must be done" are two entirely different things.
e.g. "I decided to install chintzy dust-collecting ugly curtains on every opening in the house, including the chimney!"

[Let's Roll]

Yes, many on this thread are still arguing for equal pay or equal division of the spoils in divorce - alimony, furniture etc. We should all be aware by now that, that is not working.

The point is that women are still better suited to be home with young children, making a home if you will, while the presence of testosterone - never mind cultural conditioning - makes men better at supporting that family.

This is not going to change for vast numbers of people even though they may be trying to live their lives according to the NOW agenda.

Men are not the enemy unless you insist on making them so.

[anniegetyourgun]

Amen.

[Publius6961]

More!

More!

[chris1]

Attitude amounts to so much. Many women I meet have a tewrrible attitude about men, that we are hear to cater to every whim, every complaint, evey nuerotic belief, and should get nothing in return.

[brytlea]

Men are not the enemy unless you insist on making them so

Excellent way to put it!

susie

[sauropod]

mark

[Publius6961]

This must be a male thread. ummm, errrr guys don't mean to give you a curve ball, but the name of the author is a 'male' one.

You haven't been paying attention, have you.