Interesting article. The responses even more so.
Incidentially, I have a request for comments from my FReeper FRiends on a related matter: I have a friend who is working with a psychologist (I know, first mistake) on some issues with her children. She is recently divorced. Her youngest son is throwing tantrums at school. I just learned that the psychologist told her not to discipline him for incidents that happen at school. I did not respond to that, I was so taken aback at the sheer stupidity of that statement. He feels that the school should deal with it! I feel like I need to say something besides "fire the guy".
Comments/advice, please!
p.s. The kid is almost seven. A little old for tantrums!
She absolutely should discipline the kid for what he does at school. One of my worst fears while I was living with my parents and going to grade school and high school was what they would do to me if I did something really bad that caused the school to report my bad conduct to them. The consequences would have been enough to make me curse my mother for giving me birth. It's a profoundly effective deterrent.
The kid's having tantrums at school because he knows he can get away with it. The sooner he learns accountability, the better off he'll be. I know. There's an adoptive child (now over 40) in my family who's been a confirmed drug addict since she was about 14. She's never been held accountable, especially by her mother, and her life's been ruined as a result.
First, the acts of aggression (or temper tantrums). This boy DOES need to be punished at home for what he does at school His bad behavior is a poor reflection on the family, and it does this woman no good to ignore it. What happens in the home spills over to school, and vice versa. A sure sign of a centered child is one that behaves because it's the right thing to do, not because he/she will be punished for it.
Second, she needs to immediately discover the cause of the anger that is prompting these tantrums. A recent divorce caused upheaval in the child's life. The context through which they see themselves and their lives has changed, and children have a tendency to try to redefine the boundaries. Her ex-husband (presuming he's still somewhere in the picture) needs to be called in, too, and they need to speak with a common voice. Drop that psychologist and go with family counseling, instead, for ALL OF THEM.
This child needs a firm hand, not a best friend. You can be a loving parent that gets a kid to open up, but that doesn't mean you abdicate your responsibility to be disclipinarian, too.
I'm going through it now with my 3 and 5 year old. I'm pregnant, and this high-risk pregnancy is very hard on me. My kids think they can get away with murder because Mommy is so tired and can't do a lot anymore, so they are fighting more, and pushing more, and acting out to get my attention.
I hate having to start the day like a drill instructor giving out spankings, but it's calming the waters around here. My kids know that I still love them and care about them, and that I will correct them if they step out of line.
This child is looking for the same assurance. Despite all the changes, he or she wants to know that his relationship with his parents has not changed.
Flash forward 5 years to now when the boy is 12/13 and in middle school. If something is not done now, he will be a holy terror and expelled before he gets to high school.