Where No Geek Has Gone Before

Tech Central Station ^ | 5/13/05 | Douglas Kern

[wideawake]

I've only seen a few episodes of Doctor Who. It seems rather charming.

[tarheelswamprat]

Yes, but note how the ultimate capitalists were portrayed as swindlers and somehow backward.

True, especially in their initial appearances in ST:TNG. However, DS-9 changed that. I always got the impression that despite the best efforts of the writers, Quark and Co. usually managed to steal the show in the episodes in which they were featured! They were more human than the humans!

[Fudd]

As William Shatner so excellently said,

"Get a life!"

[Paul C. Jesup]

Most important, Star Wars is shamelessly ripped off from the 'Dune' books, and other reasonably good stories in a vastly inferior genre.

Well to be fair, no. In Dune the hero came TO a desert planet.

While in Star Wars the hero (both Anakin and later Luke) came FROM a desert planet.

[MadIvan]

Indeed. I also preferred the Klingons to the humans. Humans seemed unable, except under extreme circumstances, to break out of this tediously wholesome mould of behaviour. It was, well, inhuman.

Regards, Ivan

[reagan_fanatic]

That cartoon had some sort of bizzare, strange pull on me when I was a kid. In spite of the cheesy characters, the hoary graphics and terrible plots, like a mind-numbed robot I would tune in every week to watch. Go figure.

[Brian Mosely]

Trek is dead...give me back Firefly...or speed up the release date for the movie Serenity...

[Alkhin]

Oh to be sure...who am I to say that you dont have the right to bitch and complain..I just don't understand why one would bother on this thread, when its obvious that its about a SUBJECTIVE POV...

... unless it was an attempt to stir things up...

[Paul C. Jesup]

To be fair, Ivan, Trek did give us the Ferengi, the ultimate capitalists! Long live the Rules of Acquisition!

The Ferengi were a cross between space pirates and corperate socialists with a tax system that made the IRS Income Tax code look simple.

The Ferengi were not capitalists, and the Federation would not know what a capitalist is considering thet are all communists.

[gregwest]

I think I enjoyed Deep Space Nine most out of all the different Star Trek incarnations. The characters were interesting, shady types. Garrick (if that's how you spell it) was the most interesting character Star Trek ever invented, although he wasn't endearing as Spock.

I liked the serial nature of DS9. The formula for the others was always to resolve the plot conflicts in the hour. DS9 kept several plot lines strung along like a soap opera and not everything resolved nice and neatly with the good guys always winning every time thanks to some gee-whiz piece of technology.

GW

[Alkhin]

The only Doctor Who I gained any affinity for was Tom Baker's 'Who'...he was fun! I really liked him. When I learned there were other Doctors though, I kinda lost interest.

[Incorrigible]

Man! You guys are harsh!

Started watching reruns of Star Trek in the 70's and got my BS in Electrical Engineering in 1987.

I owe it all to Mr. Scott!!

"The best diplomat that I know is a fully-loaded phaser bank." -- Lt. Cdr. Montgomery Scott ("A Taste of Armageddon")

 

Not only did I admire is his engineering prowess, but his ability to imbibe large quantities of alcohol helped me through college as well!

 

[MadIvan]

I should have clarified - I like the original series. The PC new series truly irritated me.

Regards, Ivan

[nuke rocketeer]

Who is he? Is it a sci fi show? or a medical drama?

[nuke rocketeer]

My hero as well...BSME 19779

[tutstar]

ping

[Incorrigible]

I should have clarified - I like the original series. The PC new series truly irritated me.

Alright.... Now you've gone and done it Ivan.  I'm sorry, but I must post the following:

Here are the top 100 reasons why Captain Kirk is better than Captain Picard...

1. Kirk is a leader, not a follower.
2. Kirk never got into that kinky "Jumpsuit" look.
3. Kirk has sex more than once a season.
4. One Word: Hair.
5. Another Word: Pretty-good-looking-can't-see-the-weave-WIG.
6. Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed.
7. Picard is a French man with an English accent.
8. Kirk would date Beverly Crusher -- and damn the consequences!!
9. Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.
10. Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk.
11. Kirk would personally throw Wesley off his bridge.
12. Two words: Shoulder Roll.
13. Kirk doesn't wear dresses when admirals arrive for lunch.
14. Kirk once said: "I've got a belly-ache -- and it's a beauty."
15. Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis.
16. Kirk can almost drive a stick shift.
17. Kirk, almost single-handedly, re-populated the Earth's whale population.
18. Kirk says "Prime Directive? What Prime Directive?"
19. Kirk knows 20th Century curses.
20. Kirk was NEVER infiltrated by the Borg and used against the Federation.
21. Kirk ate little colored cubes and still remained relatively heathy.
22. Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.
23. Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to gain a tactical advantage.
24. Kirk wasn't shy about taking his shirt off -- even around those pesky Yeomans.
25. Kirk would never waste a holodeck on something stupid like Dixon Hill.
26. Kirk never once stood up and had to straighten his shirt.
27. One Word: Velour.
28. Kirk can beat a Vulcan at Chess.
29. When Kirk was Picard's age, he retired from Admiral and took to climbing rocks.
30. When Picard was 37, he was only Captain of the lowly freighter, Stargazer. When Kirk was 37 he was Captain of the flagship Enterprise.
31. Kirk liked a good belt of liquor every now and again.
32. One Word: Iman.
33. Kirk looks good in a ripped shirt.
34. If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he would rip off its head and sh** down its neck.
35. Kirk says "Shoot first and wait for retaliation."
36. Kirk's first officer NEVER tells him to stay on the bridge.
37. Kirk never leaves the room to bawl somebody out.
38. Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of some dumb old janitor to get him out of intergalactic scrapes.
39. Two Words: Funky Sideburns.
40. Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.
41. Kirk never once said, "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!"
42. Kirk is not politically correct.
43. Kirk never got "dumped" by a woman for an intergalactic busy body named after a letter of the alphabet.
44. Kirk never wore green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood Forest.
45. If there ever was a Klingon on Kirk's bridge, Kirk would likely be dead.
46. Ever hear of a bar shooter called "Make it so?" No? How about a "Beam me up Scotty" then? See the difference?
47. One Word: Miniskirts.
48. Kirk's girlfriends always look good in soft light.
49. Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in red shirts.
50. Kirk's first officer didn't play some wimpy instrument like the trombone.
51. Kirk had more dates than his first officer.
52. The extent of Kirk's knowledge of Klingon vocabulary can be roughly translated as "GO F*** YOURSELF."
53. If something doesn't speak English -- it's toast.
54. Kirk wasn't some prissy archaeology fan.
55. Picard's middle name isn't tough or awe-inspiring like Tiberius is.
56. If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
57. Picard never met Joan Collins.
58. Picard flunked his entrance exam to Starfleet.
59. Picard hasn't fathered any children; Kirk -- probably millions.
60. Kirk has a cool phaser -- not some pansy Braun mix-master.
61. Two Words: Line Delivery.
62. Picard grew up on a quaint little French vineyard, squishing grapes with his toes, while Kirk slung bails of wheat and hay in Iowa to put himself through school.
63. Kirk emphasizes his orations with pertinent hand gestures.
64. Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulphur, potassium nitrate, charcoal and then fired diamonds into the hearts of his enemies. (Need we say more?>
65. Kirk is not put off by green skin.
66. Kirk knows how to deal with peace loving hippy goofs.
67. Kirk onces fought a Greek god. And won.
68. Kirk rarely asks for suggestions. And if he does, he asks Spock only.
69. Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.
70. One word: Fisticuffs.
71. Kirk's name is hated throughout the galaxy.
72. Kirk appreciates Shakespeare, but he doesn't let it show.
73. You can never lock up Kirk for very long.
74. Kirk's eulogies can actually make you cry.
75. Kirk plays god with lesser cultures, and then exploits them for resources.
76. Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician.
77. Kirk can climb up a Jeffries Tube and fix anything.
78. Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.
79. The Klingon's didn't have a word for surrender -- until they met Kirk.
80. Kirk's bridge is not beige.
81. Two Words: Crane Shots.
82. Picard likes wimpy violin music -- and coerces Data into playing it.
83. Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really cute things, like Tribbles.
84. Kirk is a cultural icon -- Picard is just some guy who's really nice.
85. Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LAY-Z-BOY for the bridge.
86. Kirk would never touch SYNTHAHOL.
87. Kirk looks distinguished in reading glasses -- and nobody dares to call him "four eyes."
88. Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis, and even the Pentagon -- easily.
89. Picard likes painting nudes, for art's sake.
90. When Kirk doesn't trust the Romulans, he fires at them. When Picard doesn't trust the Romulans, he gets fired at.
91. Kirk never once, ever, wore a weiner wrapping Speedo banana hammock on shore leave.
92. Kirk never gets his command codes locked out by some pimply acting ensign.
93. Kirk doesn't test the engines -- he just fires them up.
94. When Kirk says "Boldly Go," he MEANS it.
95. Three Words: Flying Leg Kick
96. Picard's crew would never ever think of him as a sexual object.
97. Kirk traveled through The Great Barrier, met God, and wasn't even impressed.
98. Kirk's bedroom is a passion pit with electric sheets.
99. Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear a ponytail.
100. One Word: Balls

 

[Psycho_Bunny]

Yes, Orson Scott Card, it was inferior science fiction, but so what?

I found Cards slam on Star Trek amusing to the extent that, although style-wise Card is an excellent writer, "Ender's Game" bored me to tears.

[Incorrigible]

"How long to re-fit?" -- Kirk,
"Eight weeks. But you don't have eight weeks, so I'll do it for you in two." -- Scotty,
"Do you always multiply your repair estimates by a factor of four?" -- Kirk,
"How else to maintain my reputation as a miracle worker?" -- Scotty,
"Your reputation is safe with me." -- Kirk,

Star Trek III: The Search For Spock

"Scotty, you're as good as your word." --Kirk,
"Aye sir, the more they overtech the plumbing, the easier it is to stop up the drain." -- Scotty,

Star Trek III: The Search For Spock

"Computer... Computer... (McCoy hands Scotty the mouse) Aye. Hello computer." -- Scotty,
"Just use the keyboard." -- G'vnr Nichols,
"Keyboard. How quaint." -- Scotty,

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

[The Klingon]

The Rules of Acquisition

1. Once you have their money ... never give it back.
3. Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
7. Keep your ears open.
8. Small print leads to large risk.
9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
10. Greed is eternal.
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
16. A deal is a deal ... until a better one comes along.
17. A contract is a contract is a contract (but only between Ferengi).
18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
21. Never place friendship above profit.
22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
27. There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother ... insult something he cares about instead.
33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
34. Peace is good for business.
35. War is good for business.
40. She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.
41. Profit is its own reward.
44. Never confuse wisdom with luck.
47. Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
52. Never ask when you can take.
57. Good customers are as rare as latinum -- treasure them.
58. There is no substitute for success.
59. Free advice is seldom cheap.
60. Keep your lies consistent.
62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
65. Win or lose, there's always Hyperian beetle snuff.
75. Home is where the heart is ... but the stars are made of latinum.
76. Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
85. Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
89. Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
94. Females and finances don't mix.
97. Enough ... is never enough.
99. Trust is the biggest liability of all.
102. Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.
104. Faith moves mountains ... of inventory.
106. There is no honour in poverty.
109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
111. Treat people in your debt like family ... exploit them.
112. Never have sex with the boss's sister.
113. Always have sex with the boss.
117. You can't free a fish from water.
121. Everything is for sale, even friendship.
123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
139. Wives serve, brothers inherit.
141. Only fools pay retail.
144. There's nothing wrong with charity ... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
162. Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.
177. Know your enemies ... but do business with them always.
181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
189. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
192. Never cheat a Klingon ... unless you're sure you can get away with it.
194. It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in the door.
202. The justification for profit is profit.
203. New customers are like razortoothed grubworms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they can bite back.
211. Employees are rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.
214. Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.
218. Always know what you're buying.
223. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
229. Latinum lasts longer than lust.
236. You can't buy fate.
239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
242. More is good ... all is better.
255. A wife is a luxury ... a smart accountant is a necessity.
261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
263. Never allow doubt to tarnish your love of latinum.
266. When in doubt, lie.
284. Deep down everyone's a Ferengi.
285. No good deed ever goes unpunished.
286. [Quark's rule] When Morn leaves, it's all over.