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Let Cookie Monster be Cookie Monster
Townhall.com ^ | April 22, 2005 | Jonah Goldberg

Posted on 04/22/2005 3:32:30 AM PDT by The Great Yazoo

The producers of "Sesame Street" have decided that Cookie Monster is gay.

Hold the phone. I'm kidding. But try to hold onto your reaction for a moment because what they've really done to Cookie Monster is worse - they've taken away his reason for being.

Since my copy of "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius is in storage, let me explain by paraphrasing Hannibal Lecter's famous dialogue with Clarice Starling in "Silence of the Lambs." Imagine Lecter isn't a superhuman cannibalistic serial killer and that, instead of being a doe-eyed feminist naif in the FBI, Ms. Starling is a doe-eyed feminist naif at the Children's Television Workshop.

Lecter: "First principles, Clarice. Read Marcus Aurelius. Of each particular thing, ask: What is it in itself? What is its nature? What does he do, this creature you seek?

Starling: He entertains children..

Lecter: "No! That is incidental. What is the first and principal thing he does? What need does he serve by entertaining children?

Starling: Social acceptance? Personal frustration?

Lecter: No: He craves. That's his nature. And what does he crave? Make an effort to answer.

Starling: Food?

Lecter: No! He is not a "food monster!" He is a cookie monster!

But not according to the well-meaning social engineers of PBS. After three decades, they've announced he's not a Cookie Monster at all. In the interests of teaching kids not to be gluttons, CTW has transformed Cookie Monster into just another monster who happens to like cookies. His trademark song, "C is for Cookie" has been changed to "A Cookie Is a Sometimes Food." And this is a complete and total reversal of Cookie Monster's ontology, his telos, his raison d'etre, his essential Cookie-Monster-ness.

If the Cookie Monster is no longer a cookie monster, what is he? Why didn't they just name him "Phil: The Monster Who Sometimes Likes to Eat a Cookie"? Conceptually, this is no different than the idiot animal rights types who want their dogs and cats to be vegans, too. Cookie Monster cannot help being a Cookie Monster any more than your tabby can stop liking fish. It is their nature to do so. Why not just declare that Big Bird is now an elm tree? If the ineffable, inexorable, immutable nature of Cookie Monster's cookie-eating can be erased for some good cause, why should Big Bird's birdness be safe?

Sesame Street and its defenders say they are just trying to do their bit in the war against child obesity. That's nice. But at what price? The whole point of the Cookie Monster character was to have a character who was silly because he ate so much. If Cookie Monster were a Greek god, he'd be the god of gluttony. Wouldn't it have been more honest and simply better to implore kids not to be too much like the Cookie Monster rather than make the Cookie Monster like everyone else? We all understand we shouldn't like Oscar the Grouch.

Who says that making Cookie Monster into moderate eater will improve kids behavior anyway? Indeed, for years, Cookie Monster has devoured not only cookies, but things which merely look like cookies, including plates, Frisbees and the moon. If Cookie Monster is so influential, why haven't I heard more about kids going to the hospital after trying to eat plates?

Imagine if in the name of combating homophobia, the producers declared Bert and Ernie were gay. They're not brothers and they live together, so it wouldn't require much rewriting. The Christian Right would go batty, but not necessarily for the right reason. Even before complaints about homosexuality enter into it, it would be outrageous to "sexualize" the characters at all.

But why is it that sexuality and race are the only topics that set off our natural revulsion of social engineering? Indeed, all of the fretting and foaming about gays in children's programming - Spongebob Square Pants, Tinky-Winky, etc - is that it tends to crowd out the larger philosophical issues of moral relativism in the popular culture. The social engineering on display in the negation of Cookie Monster's identity is no less sweeping than it would be if they declared Grover a transsexual.

In fact, that's what makes this decision so hypocritical. "Sesame Street" normally drenches kids with "be true to yourself" pap and identity politics. In one episode, Elmo and Whoopi Goldberg (no relation) have a long talk about how they'd never want to give up, respectively, their skin or fur color because that would be changing who they are. Well, the hue of Elmo's fur is less essential to his identity than Cookie Monster's gluttony is to his. Rosita, the Hispanic Muppet, is often told not to be ashamed of her accent because that's just a part of who she is. Maybe they should ditch it, in the name of good diction. Heck, maybe the kids in wheelchairs should get up and walk next season because we're all in favor of kids being able to walk.

Jonah Goldberg is editor-at-large of National Review Online, a Townhall.com member group.

©2005 Tribune Media Services


TOPICS: Editorial; Extended News
KEYWORDS: celebrateperversity; cookiejunkie; cookiemonster; cookies; culturewar; downourthroats; foodpolice; genx; glenbeck; glenbeckmonster; glenbeckoutraged; homosexualagenda; inourfaces; itsjustsex; jonahgoldberg; pbs; publictelevision; pufflist; putsburgersinkhakis; sesamestreetpbs; sex; sexualizingchildren; sickfreak; sodomites; taxdollarsatwork; youpayforthis
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1 posted on 04/22/2005 3:32:30 AM PDT by The Great Yazoo
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To: The Great Yazoo
C is for cookie, that's good enough for me, oh
cookie cookie cookie starts with C!

This is just wrong. Whatever happened to life, liberty, and the pursuit of double-chocolate chip?

2 posted on 04/22/2005 3:40:07 AM PDT by Felicity Fahrquar (Never try to teach a pig to sing. You will waste your time, and you'll annoy the pig.)
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To: The Great Yazoo

I don't care what they say. Cookie Monster will ALWAYS be the Cookie-lovin' monster I er, I mean my son, grew up with!

:-)


3 posted on 04/22/2005 3:41:58 AM PDT by sneakers
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To: sneakers

I'll second that. Where's Sam The Eagle when we need a little fuzzy outrage?


4 posted on 04/22/2005 3:44:43 AM PDT by Felicity Fahrquar (Never try to teach a pig to sing. You will waste your time, and you'll annoy the pig.)
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To: The Great Yazoo
If Cookie Monster were a Greek god, he'd be the god of gluttony.

Actually, I think he'd be Dionysus.

5 posted on 04/22/2005 3:50:23 AM PDT by bikepacker67 (If Humans are Animals, why isn't PETA protesting the torture of Terri?)
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To: The Great Yazoo
His trademark song, "C is for Cookie" has been changed to "A Cookie Is a Sometimes Food."

They're making this up, right?

6 posted on 04/22/2005 3:50:30 AM PDT by Tax-chick (Pope Benedict XVI: The Rat-Zinger!)
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To: Tax-chick

7 posted on 04/22/2005 3:53:29 AM PDT by AntiGuv (™)
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To: The Great Yazoo
Imagine if in the name of combating homophobia, the producers declared Bert and Ernie were gay. They're not brothers and they live together, so it wouldn't require much rewriting.

I had just always assumed that Sesame Street had a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy. :-)

8 posted on 04/22/2005 3:54:35 AM PDT by KarlInOhio (Blackwell for Governor 2006: hated by the 'Rats, feared by the RINOs.)
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To: AntiGuv

O, ne Zot! Makes me want to bake cookies! (Except I have Weight Watchers tomorrow ...)


9 posted on 04/22/2005 3:56:29 AM PDT by Tax-chick (Pope Benedict XVI: The Rat-Zinger!)
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To: AntiGuv

Will the-monster-formerly-known-as-cookie eat the talking apple with the eyes, or one that won't scream when you bite it?


10 posted on 04/22/2005 3:56:39 AM PDT by KarlInOhio (Blackwell for Governor 2006: hated by the 'Rats, feared by the RINOs.)
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To: The Great Yazoo
Geez, you'd think that the name "Cookie Monster" would be a good enough deterrent for fat kids. If a big kid has several cookies every day in his packed lunch, the kids are bound to label him the cookie monster. This PC garbage is out of control. Where do I sign up to defund PBS?
11 posted on 04/22/2005 3:57:25 AM PDT by Textide
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To: The Great Yazoo

Somehow, the phrase "me want broccoli" just does not work. Kids liked Cookie Monster because he was silly. Now he's just another PC nag.


12 posted on 04/22/2005 4:01:33 AM PDT by 6SJ7
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To: The Great Yazoo

Dear God! Is nothing sacred?


13 posted on 04/22/2005 4:01:44 AM PDT by Junior (“Even if you are one-in-a-million, there are still 6,000 others just like you.”)
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To: Junior
Dear God! Is nothing sacred?

Apparently not. Next, we'll find out that Big Bird is "transgendered". Well, I think that some people suspected it all along.

14 posted on 04/22/2005 4:09:33 AM PDT by SIDENET (Yankee Air Pirate)
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To: Tax-chick; kstewskis; Kelly_2000; Victoria Delsoul; Miss Marple; Iowa Granny; Neets; Bitwhacker; ...
Makes me want to bake cookies!

LOL... I really think creators of Sesame Street and PBS have not only lost their mind, but also their humor.

Cookie Monster was one of the best characters of Sesame Street that my kids liked to watch.

My goodness... if this is what they are turning into I feel for the wee ones coming along. Everything will be sterile and predictable.

Better not stir the pot of imagination, why those children might become independent thinkers.

Pass the cookies!

15 posted on 04/22/2005 4:15:20 AM PDT by Northern Yankee (Freedom Needs a soldier)
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To: Northern Yankee

They lost me when I learned Hillary Clinton was on the board of "Children's Television Workshop." My kids have been watching Abbott and Costello films :-).


16 posted on 04/22/2005 4:17:38 AM PDT by Tax-chick (Pope Benedict XVI: The Rat-Zinger!)
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To: Northern Yankee
Everything will be sterile and predictable.

Good morning...

And boring...as heck! You are so right.

17 posted on 04/22/2005 4:21:13 AM PDT by lysie
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To: Northern Yankee
Exactly. Must they make everything generic and ultra safe?

Instead of changing Cookie Monster, why not just create a new character to push this issue?

18 posted on 04/22/2005 4:22:09 AM PDT by softwarecreator (Facts are to liberals as holy water is to vampires)
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To: The Great Yazoo
The producers of "Sesame Street" have decided that Cookie Monster is gay.
Hold the phone. I'm kidding.

Maybe you are kidding, but I have some serious questions about Bert & Ernie.

=)

19 posted on 04/22/2005 4:24:07 AM PDT by softwarecreator (Facts are to liberals as holy water is to vampires)
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To: The Great Yazoo
His trademark song, "C is for Cookie" has been changed to "A Cookie Is a Sometimes Food."

Perhaps they SHOULD just rename him "Fruit Monster".

20 posted on 04/22/2005 4:40:45 AM PDT by PBRSTREETGANG
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